A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:dear cupid, i been talk with this man over 3 yrs on the phone. we never went out.we talk about going out and now he tell me he's sick over past month and half i ask him does he want me to stop call him he told me that a good ideal i the one to call him all the time he never call me i think he never go out first time i think it been all lie from the start. sometimes i think he really like me i guess it was a lie to i really fell in love with him, so i try ever thing to make him happy but it didn't work A few days ago i stop call him.its breaking my heart.do you think he will call back or make the first move? i also think he seen someone else i don't what to do please help me as soon as you can. thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2016): This breaks my heart, and makes me absolutely livid! My dear I'm so sorry. Your lonely heart has led you too far.
I think you've answered your own questions. You have been calling a man for three years you've never met. You always call him first. You are by no means in-love with a person you have never set eyes on. You are addicted to calling this person. He will never take you out. Your calls are for his entertainment; and he probably thinks there is something wrong with you. He's not sick, he's lying and has no intention of going out with you.
Delete the phone number, it's useless. If it seriously distresses you to stop calling this invisible man; please seek professional counseling or therapy.
My dear, you've only gotten into the routine of making regular calls; and it has become such a habit, you may think you're in-love. You're not. You are only lonely and infatuated with the sound of his voice, and pleased by his company while on the phone. That's all.
The point of online dating is to eventually meet. If you have not dated within a month or so of frequent and regular call exchanges; it is likely the person is already taken or playing you along. Very often the person does not look like the picture they put on their profile, or lied in their profile. They will just string you along as long as they can, and will avoid meeting you in-person.
I seriously hope you have never given this man any money.
He may be a scam-artist or troll who takes advantage of lonely vulnerable women. You are far too mature to be falling for such a scheme. It should have become apparent to you long ago something is wrong. You are too naive for online dating; if you tolerated his nonsense so easily, and for so long.
I might recommend that you stop online dating altogether. You are for too trusting of strangers and don't seem to realize when you're being played by a scam-artist. If you continue calling him after you've read all our responses, you are being foolish. You've known all along something was wrong, and didn't listen to your common-sense.
Never want any man so desperately that you'll do this to yourself. You're not a child, and you deserve so much better. Your stubborn will made you wait, to no avail.
People are so lazy these days and avoid venturing out into the public domain to make themselves visible and available. Avoiding interaction with people only isolates you. It takes confidence to break the ice and start a conversation with a stranger face to face; so the internet is turning people into anonymous cowards. Everyone thinks relying on online dating sites is all there is.
How on earth did your mother and grandmother meet a man?
They didn't have the internet!
Take-up golfing lessons, take a dance class, or join a travel club. Get out of the house and make friends, and it will lead you to eligible single-men. The internet isn't for everybody. Avoiding rejection or looking for easy ways is going to keep you alone.
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (11 September 2016):
 3 years and no date!? That man should have been dropped after second month. There could be million reasons why he is stringing you along but all of that adds up to one thing: there is absolutely no future with this man. You go total no contact with this guy - like right this moment - and never speak to him. There is nothing there.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 September 2016):
 3 years and all you have gotten is YOU calling him?
That is neither here nor there. Never meeting up in 3 years is suspect behavior and I will tell you why I think that. IF he was KEEN on you, to get to know you, be around you I would PRESUME he would want to meet.
Has he asked for money ever?
Will he call you? I don't think so. And I think that IS for the best. FOR YOU.
Don't waste any more time, energy or emotions on a guy who isn't really interested in you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 September 2016):
 Do you mean that you have never seen him in person in 3 years ?
Then I think you may have dodged a bullet. If he could not "find the time " in 3 years to see you once, it's very probable there's some form of cat-fishing going on. Maybe he told you he is 40 while he is really 80. Maybe he is a notorious ex con with a rap sheet as long as his arm. Maybe he is a woman !
Without having to think up strange stuff ( which is strange... but possible ) I think it's time anyway that you accept you have been trying to comfort yourself with a romantic fantasy. I don't blame you, maybe you were lonely or felt velnerable for some reason, and this has led you to cling hard to a non-story and a non-relationship. But now, come on, THINK : not only you could not convince him to take you out once in 3 years !- he can't have liked you that much, can he ?- but you were always the one initiating contacts. He never called you.
So, yes, maybe it was all lies from the start- or maybe it was some lies and some truth- and he liked you ...somewhat. Enough to keep the habit of talking to you, enough to let you cling to him out of vanity , enough to string you along. Maybe he was lonely too. Or bored. And... I suppose- married.
I don't think he'll call you back.... ( if he never ever called you in the past ... ) but I may be wrong, maybe he will: and this would be a BAD, BAD thing for you !
This is not reality, this is not love- this is a tale that you told yourself to distract and pacify yourself.
But you are an adult woman, you don't need fairytales. If you want love and companionship in your life, you can look for it , and you can FIND it- with a real person, in real life, who own't hide for years behind a PC screen or at the other end of a phone line.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (11 September 2016):
 Why have you been wasting 3 years on someone who only talks to you when you phone him? The charitable side of me hopes he talks to you because he feels you are lonely and wants to be a friend. The cynical side of me suspects he is a con artist of some sort (what do you mean when you say "I try everything to make him happy"?????) and, again, takes your calls because he can tell you are lonely and uses this to his advantage.
You do sound very lonely (professing to have fallen in love with someone you haven't even met) but this man is not for you. I am sure you have come to realise that, otherwise you would not have written in.
Sending you a big HUG because you sound in need of one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2016): I'm sorry you are going through this, it's a hard thing to go through. In my opinion, it is best that you do not call and continue to move forward with your life. Being that you have not gone out on a date and you have only had phone conversations, who knows what is going on with him, his life could be the exact opposite of what he told you or maybe he is ill, hopefully that is not the case and he will get it together, and get in touch again. But until then, keep in mind, you did not ever meet him in person and how much did you really know about him? Words are cheap, he could tell you anything about himself but how much was really true? If he does get in touch in the future, please know that you deserve someone that is going to be respectful to you and not string you along, you are not just there for entertainment when it's convenient for him, he should have taken you out long, long ago. Think about this in case he does call again. If it were me, I would not want to hear from him again, I would not think of him again and I would look to the future for someone who would treat me with respect and who wants to spend time with me-not just phone time. You deserve the best. Prayers and love to you. Take care and think about this, someone real is out there for you, don't miss out on him because of this guy! :0)
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