A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 1 year (we don't live together) left his email open on my computer recently. I couldn't help but look, and as it turns out he has a profile on AdultMatchMaker looking for someone special to share 'oral sex and one on one sex'. when I read further, 3 girls have replied to his add, he replied to their emails back and fourth. I am not sure if he has met them yet, but he asked one for her phone number and suggested that meet up in person after a couple of chats!!I am devastated. We were supposed to go on holiday in 2 weeks and it is all paid for. He told me that he was with me exclusively and only me, and that he wanted a future with me but that he couldn't have a serious relationship with me right now, but that he would like to build one, using the excuse that he is still getting over his divorce. I know that he used AdultMatch maker when he was married and cheated a couple of times on his wife!! Is it a case of once a cheat, always a cheat? He tells me he loves me and wants children with me, goes out with my family and friends etc, but I have never met any of his friends.He has always been very much into sex, but recently I discovered I had developed molluscum in my genital area. Apparantly it is an STD, but you can also catch it non-sexual means ie. skin to skin contact or bathing etc. I had never heard of it before and have been faithful. Is he not only trying to meet other women for sex, but has he been unfaithful and given me an STD. I asked him if he has been faithful and he was adamant that he has only been with me. He even got annoyed that I asked him! As we can't have sex at the moment, he said that, "I had better make it up to him'. What on earth is going on? Please help! V. Confused
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divorce, on holiday, std, want children Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dhar  +, writes (20 November 2007):
 Ack! The same thing happened to me a while ago. I found mollescum and discovered later that my boyfriend had cheated. He used annoyance as a tactic as well when I had asked him about cheating and seeing other women. It's pretty common. A man with nothing to hide should be open, forthcoming and willing to explore your fears and concerns without condemnation.
Yes, he's cheated by using the website and writing the girl. It feels rotten.
Why give yourself to someone who doesn't cherish and adore you? Why allow yourself to be touched by someone who doesn't respect you? Your lover should cherish you - don't be with anyone who doesn't. Making dates with other women isn't cherishing.
A
female
reader, pgissyd  +, writes (19 November 2007):
 Hi Anon. thats fantastic! I wish you all the luck and strength in the world. Hugs xxx issy xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2007): Dear Aunts, I am the original poster of this question. Thank you all so very much for your insight into my problem. I am taking two girlfriends on holiday instead, and have sent 'him' a text asking him to never contact me again. I know it will be a long healing process but I'm starting today. If I am tempted to contact him I will read your posts again and remind myself that he is a loser!Thanks again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007): Dump him! He is a loser! He shouldn't even be on that website!
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A
female
reader, maggie1987 +, writes (18 November 2007):
 you should tell this man you dont want nothing more to do with him as he probably is cheating most men will react to the cheating question as if to say you shouldnt ask me that but when they do its normally because they think theyre caught out. if he used that site to cheat on his wife then hes definatley using it to cheat on you other wise he wouldnt be on that site if he loves you and wants to have kids or build a good stable relationship then he wouldnt need dating sites you and him should be enough to keep each other company. and as for the std tell him to go to the clinic and get tested because in my opinion it must have come from him
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A
female
reader, Louisejones +, writes (18 November 2007):
Online meeting sites are addicting. I know.. always looking for the perfect 'one', doesn't exist. He needs help and he needs to do it. Leave him, try to find something to fill your void in a healthy way. I learned that here :)
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A
female
reader, hit-the-road,jack... +, writes (18 November 2007):
"you had best make it up to him?"what are you. his slave?and seeing as he is probably the cause of your problem at the moment anyway, i have no idea how he can have the cheek to say that! just leave him girl, you deserve better.
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A
female
reader, samohir  +, writes (18 November 2007):
 Hey girl Be careful who You have in bed! For Now and Future...
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (18 November 2007):
I think its pretty clear that he is no good. But its probably hard for you to be sure of that because you have so many emotions involved and so badly want to see him as good.
I cant say hes cheating and be 100% sure, but I think it is pretty obvious that he is up to no good!
First of all, he has a profile on a dating web site, so whether or not he has acutally met with them, the fact remains that he has used this site while you two have been dating...and no one makes a profile on those sites just for the fun of it...
And you even read proof that he was planing to meet up with one of the girls. So I think its fair to say that he could of very well cheated. Not to mention his trackrecord, as you said he cheated on his ex wife a few times.
I know this must be a bit confusing for you, as on one hand he is doing all this stuff that suggests hes a bad guy and is cheating on you, but on the other, he says he loves you and hangs around your family and friends...
Sometimes it may be hard for you to believe he would cheat because he can seem so perfect? Well if this happens, its not because he is perfect, its because he is puting on an act.
But the question is, despite he says he loves you, do you truly honestly think he acts in a way that says he loves you? I mean does he give you respect? Does he treat you right? Sure he may do some things right, but if hes doing ALOT of things that arent right, thats when you have to question who he truly is, and do you deserve more? Does he act like he is commited, and not just say it? well I think i can answer that question for you, by having a profle on that website shows he isnt as commited as he says he is.
Have you confronted him about the profile?
As for him geting angry when you questioned him about his faitfulness...of course he is going to get angry, because he is guilty. Its his way of turning the focus on to something else and being all like "i cant beleiev you would even have to ask me that, dont you trust me???". Thats a pretty common line from cheaters...
Oh and as for the STD...it could be very well you got it from him, or like you said it could be from something else. Either way, I think he is probably cheating and I KNOW that you deserve soooooooo much more then him!
I suggest you get out of this relationship. Its your choice if you want to ask him about it all...but he will probably deny it all I guess.
Why would you want to stay with him? For the holiday? Its beter to lose so much money, rather then stay in a bad relationship for ONE more day. Its just money...
hope it all works out for the best for you :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007): uh. This guy sounds like such a sleeze. Yeah I think he gave you an std. And OF COURSE he is cheating on you. What more proof do you need?? You saw his MatchMaker account with your own two eyes!! You are 30 something yrs old so you really are not so naive that you think he was just on that site to 'check it out.' Right?? Lets be real here. Of course he is on there because he is trying to meet women to hook up with, which I am sure he already has. And of course he lied to you about it and told you that he has never cheated on you. Cause he knows that you would believe him.
I mean, what's it going to take?? You catching him in bed with another woman to make you realise that he is no good?? Cause even if that did happen he would still lie to you and say that that is the way people greet eachother in his neck of the woods and that you are just being paranoid. I mean this guy has got no scruples. WAKE UP. YES he is cheating on you. And to top it off he is a pathelogical liar.
You have an std, and you have seen his matchmaker account. If that is not proof enough for you then I don't think anything will ever be proof enough for you. I think you are one of those who is just going to live in denial and let him walk all over you.
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A
female
reader, pgissyd +, writes (18 November 2007):
Get yourself checked for sti's and std's and leave his sorry butt. take yourself and a mate on holiday. He isnt worth it xxxx
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A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (18 November 2007):
 I think you're gonna have to go with your gut feelings on this one. What does your instincts tell you? Are they telling he is indeed cheating on you? If so, then I think you know what to do.
Hey may not have met with the women YET. He may not have done anything YET. But, he was attempting to have some type of relationship with these other women and you at the same time. Getting over a divorce is not a pass for cheating on a current girlfriend.
I agree with bubbloo, take another friend with you on vacation. Go have fun and don't think about this guy. There are plenty of men out there who don't cheat or are not trying to manipulate their women. Don't allow yourself to be unhappy when there are so many men out there ready to make you the happiest woman in the world!
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (18 November 2007):
 It's a case as "wanting his cake and eating it" He wants you AND the other girls on the internet.
If you've paid for this holiday, tell him he has to pay for his share of it and don't go. Leave this bastard before he hurts you even more.
Or just take another mate with you on holiday. Don't go on this holiday with him because he'll twist you round his little finger.
Get outta there and find someone who'll treat you with the respect you deserve. You are not there to be played with.
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