A
female
age
,
*inglegirl
writes:I am with my partner for 5 years and I thought we were very close until recently. He's 52 and I'm 46 and we are both divorced.During the first 2 years together I herad remarks/comments/rumours about him and other women and whe I asked him about them he said it was just talk form before he met me and not to take any notice. The name Anne a married woman from Scotland kept coming up. Eventually I asked him to cease contact with her as it was causing difficulties in our relationship.He became unwell and I helped to look after him for 2 years. During this time we became very close and he stays in my house everynight and returns to his own house by day. This suits both of us as I am back in college.I discovered a year age that I have CIN2 (Cancer cells which are caused by the 'Human Papillomium Virus' and are sexually transmitted. Recently he forgot his laptop and being lazy and too impatient to wait for my own to charge up I used his. In the case I found a 3month old fone bill and it would appear that he was in contact with Anne and another girl Joanne. (Her name had surfaced in the remarks/comments/rumours). It would appear he sent 18 text messages to Anne in one night alone. I realised that this happened when I went on holidays with my 19 year old daughter. In fact the time listed for the texts being sent showed that the plane had just taken off when he started. It continued for the week while I was away.There was more. I found a piece of paper with my mobile fone munber and password on it I then checked his history folder on his laptop and found that he had been on the fone website and had been checking my fone. I also found he had been on the 'Adult friender' website. He has been a member for the last 3 years and has female contacts including an 18 year old. The usernames of the females and the messages are explicit.I started to ask a friend about Anne and found out she has had CIN since she was 27. I believe my partner transferred this disease to me form her.I told him I heard that he had been in contact with Anne and he said she text him but that he hadn't replied.I Know he was lying. I also showed him the information on the internet aboutI don't know what to do. I can't tell him I read his fone bill or checked his history on his laptop but every time I look at him I am disgusted. Part of me loves him but part of me can't stand him.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 January 2010):
Tell him what you found, then dump him. That way he knows where he stands. He clearly won't change, and since he gave you something that was sexually transmitted, that's the deal breaker. Get rid of him. Never settle for second best like this.
A
female
reader, Gridrebel  +, writes (30 January 2010):
 It is hard on us when we find out we got "played". It does sound as if you should have paid a bit more attention to the rumors you heard in the first place. Most of the time, there is substance to those rumors so a bit more "heads up" is called for. Now that you know what is on your plate, it is clear he is a liar and still looking for some excitement and interaction with other women and he also wants to make sure of your activities, you have a decision to make. Stay and accept his bad behavior or move on and up. Both options will be painful but you should decide which is in your best interest and go from there. He hasn't shown that he is committed to you and at this stage, he isn't no matter what he says. Please don't try and "change" him or force behavior from him he is not willing and able to give.
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