A
female
age
51-59,
*iselle1969
writes:Is there anyone out there who has had experience with older boyfriend? I am seriously struggling to cope with his ways which he won't comprimise... Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): Hi, I've dated a guy 19 years older than me. It is hard at times as people tend to want things at certain ages in their life. I love my man loads but would rather I focus on my career which is great but personally I'd be happier with him. (my job involves moving away) it may be hard to compromise and if he cares for you then he should do some compromising. Make sure whatever you do you're happy :) I've had enough people telling me to forget my 40 year old boyfriend but to me he's everything and he can put a smile on my face. Just make sure you're happy. All the best x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): My experience dating an older man was that I sacrificed way more for the relationship than he did. I was quite young, in my early twenties, and I felt like I gave up way too much. Instead of enjoying life the way I was supposed to, I was helping him with his garden, taking care of dinner, never going out, staying in a small, dull town. I was really glad when I left. I don't think it's worth it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): he is 20 years older. we get on very well otherwise. but he is very difficult to comprimise and constantly under the pressure from his grown up children about our relationship. he sees me and my son relying on him and we should obey him no matter he wants or thinks. very difficult.thanks
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (24 February 2009):
 Hi Giselle,
You just asked this question in an earlier posting. I think your earlier one has more information so the answers would be more contextual thus more relevant to you, as opposed to an open ended one like this new posting.
Having said that, each individual is different. I was in a relationship with a 50+ yo man, who did not recognize that he was rather abusive verbally. It took him almost 3 months after I broke it off, for him to admit that what he did was inappropriate and another month to admit that he was disrespectful to me. For him, it took him a rude awakening (of losing me) to reflect internally and now he is working toward managing his temper (anger management).
Could your man change? It depends on whether or not he wants to. If he feels secure already in his life - with or without you, he may not want to. If he acknowledged that his life is enriched by your being part of it, losing you might be the thing that would trigger him to be a better person to both of you.
As for you, only you know whether or not you are ready and willing to be in this relationship where - as you told in the previous posting - his children are part of the problem (in influencing him). You may also need to reflect internally if you are feeling terrified to be back on your own for financial reasons, or for fear of having to start again (in the love department). If you are too close to the issue at hand right now, I suggest that you go away for a couple of weeks, and try to look at it from a distance so to speak.
Good luck, and do take care of your heart. We only have one ;-)
Cat
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A
female
reader, samurai girl  +, writes (24 February 2009):
 BFs don't have to be older to not want to compromise. It depends on what the issue is. Without more information, I can't really offer an opinion.
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