A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:What exactly is flirting? How would you define it? And do you believe it is ok to flirt with anyone when you are in a relationship? Why/why not?Yes, a very broad, general question I know, I'm just looking for peoples opinions, so I can see how the majority sees it. Thanks in advance.
View related questions:
flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (25 February 2009):
 Ok but remember you did not state he was your boyfriend in the original nor any follow up question, these details are crutial for us to give you accurate suggestions.
Anyway... The obvious reason why he's not flirting with the less attractive ones is because: He's simply not attracted to them and/or they do not have a good social reputation.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): Some people like to flirt, some people feel threatened and don't like it. I'm like to flirt, and it dosen't bother me if my partner flirts. As your boyfriend says, he's being friendly and doesn't seem the harm. So people are natural flirts and it's not something they can control, they do it as easily as they breathe. If your boyfriend is a person like this, then he can't really stop, because it's probably part of his personality. Have a word with him and tell him how you feel, but you may find that you may have to leave him, because this is a part of his personality and nature that you really can't accept.Flirting can be a polite way of teasing someone, it doesn't have to be about wanting sex or wanting to go to bed with someone. You need to trust your boyfriend more, or learn to flirt as well and see if this will cause him to be jealous and make him stop. If your guy is a natural flirt, he will think it's natural when you start flirting as well, and he won't mind at all.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGriffo - how does it relate to me what hes doing? umm hes my bf, so of course it does. i do consider myself attractive, but i dont think thats really an issue...the point is, hes flirting with all these other girls, and he claims its not flirting- if its not flirting, then why does he not do it to the non attractive girls or guys- because it is flirting.
...............................
A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (25 February 2009):
 The flip side of his ego saying "I am a guy that all good looking girls will fall for me" is that he is actually insecure. His flirting is just his way of assuring himself that "good looking chicks thinks I am kewl". Unfortunately, because he is insecure, the more rejection he gets, the more insecure he will be.
Your guy needs to learn to be more comfortable in his own skin, and that "inner beauty" (good sense of humor, sincere warmth, generosity, kind heart, caring, etc etc etc) is much more attractive and sexy to women! Looks may go (however investment you put in artificial/medical enhancements) but the inner beauty will never go away.
Cat
...............................
A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (25 February 2009):
It could very well be that he thinks he's far too good for them, maybe he thinks they will all fall for him and he does not need that in his life, maybe he's just going for all the good looking ones because thats what he wants and is attracted to and the not so good ones he does not and is not attracted to: its the simple laws of attraction - looks anfortunatly play the major part. If you dont have it then you already falling back in the game.
Though, he's already failed at being with the good ones anyway unless they are not very smart of course. The smart attractive ones will be able to see what type of person he really is by not being "friendly" to the not so attractive ones, and its the not so attractive ones that can be bitter and distroy his standing and reputation, not the good looking ones. But then the not so smart good looking ones he will date and they and/or him will get hurt in the long run - it wont work.
Why are you so concerened with him? what's it relate to you?
Do you consider yourself attractive? not attractive? do you like him but he's not giving you any attention? does he like you but not giving your unattractive friends any attention?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh and one more thing...
He is never "friendly" to the less attractive looking girls. Only to the good looking ones...and he says its not flirting. Why only be "friendly" to the good looking ones the...pfft. Lieing to me do you think?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell it seems, most people agree here that it's not ok in a relationship, no matter how you deifne it.
I guess my next question is, why does my bf do it ALL THE TIME?
Its like he cant help himself. If I talk to him about it, he denies its flirting and just says its him being friendly...well I dont see him acting "friendly" towards the other males in the room!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (24 February 2009):
Flirting is chatting to someone that you know but not in a friendly way, it's more playful and can imply a sexual attraction. It's FUN!!!
Whether you flirt seriously or not is a differnt matter.
Flirting just with words and then laughing at yourself for doing it is one thing. Flirting with eye contact and moving closer and body language and intent is ENTIRELY different.
I am married and I flirt with everyone, I love teasing them and raising an eyebrow and just playing with them on an intelectual verbal level. It's making that connection with someone and I love doing it. It's like learning a language and hitting that point where you stop asking directions to the station and start chatting.
I only flirt with people I know and we have a joke around, or I will flirt with strangers but only after they know I am married and NOT interested.
I am VERY openly affectionate with my hubby so he KNOWS it means absolutely nothing because I am normally kissing his face off within 30 seconds of it anyway.
I don't do it online except with close friends who again, KNOW it's just fun and jokey, and not by text either.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): flirting.
attention with intention.
...............................
A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (24 February 2009):
If you type: "define:flirting" in google you will get these results from credible various sources:
flirt: playful behavior intended to arouse sexual interest
wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
Flirting is a 1991 Australian coming of age film about a romance between two teenagers, written and directed by John Duigan. ...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flirting_(film)
Flirting is a form of human interaction between two people, expressing a sexual and/or romantic interest. It can consist of conversation, body language, or brief physical contact. It may be one-sided or reciprocated.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flirting
flirt - chat up: talk or behave amorously, without serious intentions; "The guys always try to chat up the new secretaries"; "My husband never flirts with other women"
flirt - coquette: a seductive woman who uses her sex appeal to exploit men
flirt - dally: behave carelessly or indifferently; "Play about with a young girl's affection"
wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
The Flirt is a 1917 short comedy film featuring Harold Lloyd. Copies of the film survive in the film archives of the Museum of Modern Art and the British Film Institute.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Flirt
As for is it ok when your ina relationship. Well it depends if its an open relationship where you or your partner can freely go out and potentially have sex with other mates then yeah ot cool. bBut if your in a conventional relationship then NO Way! its certianly not.
Hope that helps :)
...............................
A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (24 February 2009):
Oxford English Dictionary (10th ed)
flirt
· v.
1 behave playfully in a sexually enticing manner.
2 (flirt with) experiment casually with (an idea or activity).
3 (flirt with) deliberately risk (danger or death).
You asked if it is OK when in a relationship. Look at definition number 3 above. That is the answer to your "why not" question. Unless of course, you flirt with your own partner, as a way of having a clean safe fun with each other ;-)
Cat
...............................
A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (24 February 2009):
 Flirting is any action that you do in order to gain attention from a person you desire (my own definition) this is not ok to do in a relationship, how would you feel if your partner was trying to attract someone else? It is cruel and a form of emotional cheating. X
...............................
|
