A
female
age
30-35,
*keez
writes:Ok basically. I get harassed by other men when i go to the clubs and my boyfriend doesn't do anything to help me because he believes I should get rid of them myself. I understand its my responsibility to get rid of them, but he just watches me or ignores it when im in need of his help to get rid of about 3 guys.I feel very disrespected when he treats me like this.He stands up for other girls when they get harassed but never me. Why is this?I've talked and shouted to him about this and yet he still refuses to help me. What do I do now? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): Careful what you wish for -- BF might end up in a fight. I never took my GFs to clubs for the same reason. You rtelling a guy to buzz off is different than the BF telling someone to bu off. Find other entertainment together is my suggestion.
A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (7 April 2009):
 I wonder if your boyfriend not defending you because he sees you as a very capable person in defending yourself. Like, perhaps you are so toned or tomboyish.
However, the far end of the spectrum is that is his way of protesting against your fashion-sense. So in a way it is his way of saying "I don't approve of how you are dressed when we go out to a pub, so bear the consequence on your own" kind of thing. Not a mature way of him to deal with it though.
If telling him doesn't work, maybe you need to talk to the bartender, and ask his help. It would also be good if you become a "regular" in a pub, so people recognize that you are with your boyfriend. Regulars also tend to protect people they know (or each other).
Sounds like your b/f needs a whack on the back of his head (in the nicest way possible though) to make him understand your problem lol
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A
female
reader, Skeez +, writes (7 April 2009):
Skeez is verified as being by the original poster of the question hello thank you for your advice.
I get men touching me and trying to pull me away for drinks and well 'fun time' in the corner. and i really dont like it. I stand upto myself and tell people no but sometimes it gets out of hand that i need support and for someone to get m eout, but my boyfriend refusses to help me and keeps saying i need to do it myself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): When you say "harassed" do you mean they are chatting you up, getting too close etc or are they actually physically harassing you? Although I would tend to side with your boyfriend here, and say that these days girls don't need knights in shining armour to defend their honour and you can tell them off yourself, if they are getting out of hand then it's naturally to assume he should stand up for you.Perhaps he feels in some small way that you are flirting or leading them on and he is resentful of that? It's a long shot but it's strange that he wouldn't be defensive. My husband is constantly on patrol when we go out clubbing, and he lets any guy know in no uncertain terms to back off. But honestly, if he didn't, I'd just tell them myself. Maybe practice not being a pushover and if guys hassle you, stare them straight in the eyes, and tell them "I have a boyfriend. I'm not interested. I'm going to go dance over there now" or something to that effect. Maybe you like the attention and that's why these guys don't get the picture? Or maybe they're just a-holes, who knows.I think first realise you don't need your boyfriend to do it for you, and then you can ask him, nicely, why he doesn't get jealous/defensive when guys bug you...
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