A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 4 and a half years and have a 3 year old daughter. There are no problems in my marriage and I thought till a few days ago that I was very happy and content with life. My husband adores me and we have a healthy sex life. I don't know what is wrong with me though, I have a huge crush on a doctor who I met recently and it's taking over my life! I feel so stupid saying this... I'm 37... I'm not supposed to have crushes! But I can't help it! The two occasions I visited him for since minor health issues, I'm totally smitten. We live in a small town in a closed community so it's not even that I won't see him again.I love my husband and it goes without saying that my daughter is my life and I have no intention of leaving my husband or on ever acting on my crush. My husband is a wonderful human being and father, a great guy and I feel so ashamed that I'm lusting for someone else. If my husband would think like this for some other woman, I would be horrified. And what makes it worse is that, he would never do something like this.What then am I doing? And call me crazy but I think the doctor guy likes me as well and I get a kick out of it. I catch thinking about him All.Day.Long. I think what it would be like if he were with me. My God I feel like scum saying this!Someone please yank me out of this and knock some sense into my head!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2020): This is the original poster.
Thank you to everyone who replied; I have thought about what each one of you had to say and I know you are all right.
So here's the thing now. The doctor is showing subtle signs of interest and I know I have completely led him on. I was always very popular with the guys before I got married and have got a lot of attention from them. I have to admit that I thoroughly enjoyed that.
The last 4.5 years since I got married, my life has changed in more ways than I had ever imagined of bargained for. My husband's place of work is in a small town that I detest and I had to give up everything I knew to settle with him there. My daughter was born within a year and since she was born, all I have done is care for her 24/7. I am frankly drained. I thought of myself just as a mom till now and I had forgotten what it was like to be desired by someone and to like someone back. My crush on the doctor reminded me of my single days, when guys would crush on me and I would get a thrill out of it. After all these years, I had the same feeling now. I hate the place where I live but having a crush had made things bearable. I'm not looking at having an affair... just the tease of it. The doctor is now giving me the attention that I have been craving for. I don't get it though. My husband absolutely adores me, initiates sex with me and we have sex 3-4 times a week. We like to experiment in bed and we enjoy ourselves. I don't know why I need the validation of other men to think that I still "got it" but I guess I just do
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2020):
Everyone else has said that crushes are norma. How you handle is what separates good people from the let's less good people.
First find another doctor. Then talk to your husband about rekindling the fire in your marriag.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2020): Hi. I really don't understand what the issue here is. Simply put, you need to get busier in your life as it looks like you're a little bored and have time to indulge in fantasies that are threatening to take away what you built over many years. I understand the concept of the grass being always greener but seriously? If you want to be yanked out of yourcruah stupor stop thinking of what ifs with rose tinted glasses and rather imagine what would it be like if you actors on your impulses and your perfect life would be turned upside down. By this I mean: you having an affair with this guy, your husband finding out, you getting separatws or divorced, having the threat of your daughter being taken away from you, as you'd be the adulterous party, having to find a new place to live and likely a new set of friends. If you live in a small community I also strongly suspect that you'd have a hard time with people's judgement at work, not to mention your family. Your actions would be incomprehensible to your family as well, in all likelihood. Also, who's to say that your dear doctor would stick by your side through it all? If he were to act on it too, as another poster mentioned, he'd probably be unable to continue in his post at his current practice/hospital, or, at the very least, be able to continue seeing you as a patient. This, assuming he'd want anything to do with you other than having sex! Wake up and count or blessings. Being a divorced woman going into your 40s in a small town, surely can't be easy. If that doesn't shatter this adolescent silly crush, I don't know what will. Think about what you stand to loose. Not how dreamy a dream is. At the end software the day, you'd face a rude awakening to reality. There you go, I hope I've yanked you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 April 2020):
 I will actually also say that crushes are normal, but... HOW far you take them.... is where you either go obsessive or work on letting it go, because it's not healthy - LONG-TERM.
Having a fantasy about someone who ISN'T your partner is also kind of normal too. But when it takes away romance, intimacy from the ACTUAL relationship you know it's gone too far.
As for your doctor... well, you are AWARE that he is attractive TO you, you are AWARE that you are having "daydreams" about him, so maybe it's time to start nipping it in the bud, which means you focus on WHAT you are missing IN your marriage that you are now "fancying" someone other than your partner? Because I think, we usually have these "crushes" when we are not fulfilled from a partner (not that it's the partner's fault or your own) it can happen over time.
Do you and your husband keep romance going? Do you do little sweet things for each other? Is the sex life still going good? And is it GOOD? Does it need a little spice added. What can YOU do to make sure your husband doesn't DO what YOU are doing right now?
Think about it.
It really comes down to this:
If you know what you are doing isn't good for you OR your marriage, change your behavior... no one else can.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (24 April 2020):
 LOL crushes are normal !!! I remember liking the guy I was dating and started a new job one week, BAM!!!! I met my team lead and literally had huge crush. I mean literally blushing, fantasizing, dreaming, thinking of all those lovery dovery things . It's actually silly and I remember being rationale bc I knew I would never act on it bc I don't fuck people at work but I remember very well laughing at myself. My feelings were like a rainbow , literally doing its on thing. A few weeks later the high came down and I was laughing at myself.
So be rational. Laugh at yourself. Humor yourself
Understand fantasy between crushes. We will always have them
When I travel and on adventure high, literally every cuge guy is a crush . Its pure fantasy and its enjoyable for a few days or weeks.
Just don't get sold on it. No one is perfect. Move on and keep doing you. You have an amazing life so be giggly about it 3
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (24 April 2020):
 Just because you are with someone else does not mean you automatically do not find anyone else attractive. It is common to feel attraction to someone. However, what you choose to do about that attraction will depend on your morals.
You know this is just a crush. You are flattered because you feel this man feels attracted to you too. However, this could be just his "bedside manner". Why do you think so many people get crushes on doctors? They pay attention to you, they listen to you, they help you. What's not to like. The thing is, this is his job. It is what he is paid to do. And if he were to do anything about this crush, he would be risking his livelihood.
Try to stay well. Try to stay away from this man as much as you can. When you see him, be polite but don't get into conversation unless you have to. You admit how dreadful you would feel if the situation were reversed and it was your husband with the crush. Happy as you say your marriage is, is it possible you have both got into a bit of a rut? That you don't excite each other any longer? Make time for each other and keep reminding yourself how lucky you are to have your family. This too will pass in time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2020): It's normal, but you just have to keep things in proper-perspective. Maintain the proper distance and professional doctor-patient relationship you have, and all is well.
I had a gorgeous Israeli doctor, very gentle, soft-spoken, and extremely gifted in medicine. He turned every head that passed him by...male or female! I've modeled in my past, and he would fit the bill with ease! Just being in his presence made you giddy. He was friendly, he cracked funny jokes, and his accent made him all the more attractive. He knew I am gay, but we all respected the boundaries; but someone like that touching you allover gives you goosebumps. After awhile, the novelty wears-off. He's just my doctor! An examination is just an examination. He has moved-on from general-practitioner to become an endocrinologist. Lucky patients!
You're a married-woman. You must practice self-control. Honor your marriage, and your husband's trust. You are not a smitten teenage-girl. You're placing yourself in the position of exploiting the intimacy of the doctor-to-patient relationship. Unethical on all counts! When you make frivolous appointments, a patient who needed that date had to be scheduled for a future date. If there is an undetected-illness requiring the doctor's swift diagnoses; time may have been a crucial factor for getting that patient to a specialist. While you're sitting there gaga over the doctor. Please, never do that!
You know the score. Your husband loves you. If you're getting bored with your marriage; because you're spoiled, or you have an attention-deficiency. Then you should schedule an appointment with your husband. Perhaps you're under-appreciating your blessings. What is given can be taken-away! Don't take God's blessings for granted. Many women would kill for a loving-husband and a family. If you can't control yourself, get a new doctor. Perhaps a female physician.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (24 April 2020):
 I think women get crushes on their doctors all the time. You go to your doctor and he takes care of you, makes you feel safe, and hey..if he happens to be good looking or funny....its easy enough to develop a crush.
Do keep in mind that the odds are high that your doctor has a wife, a family and when he goes home at night..they are his world. Doctors get used to women having crushes on them and if they are aware of it, will do everything to stay clear of making it into ANYTHING.
Its a crush, it will pass if you keep it to what it is..a harmless crush. Focus on your husband and as you said, how would you feel if your husband had a crush on someone and was talking about it on the internet? I don't think you'd feel comfortable right? Keep in mind though..we are all human and what makes you think your husband has never had a crush on someone? You probably just didn't know about it!
My husband is a doctor. We've been together for almost 20 years. He's an attractive man and very kind and sweet. When he was a young doctor, he was a real hottie. I can only imagine the patients that probably swooned over him. Now he's a professor at a college..yeah...young med students everywhere. Do I worry? Nope because I'm sure he loves me and I don't feel threatened. Sometimes he even jokes about the girls with crushes but he just finds the whole thing amusing sometimes embarrassing. He's just not interested. No offense but I doubt if your doctor would be interested either..he's got his own life.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (24 April 2020):
 Hi Op,
Your crush is normal, and it opens the door for more self asking questions.
Your husband is a great guy as you say...But...Is he just filling the void of some part of you that needs more?
Have you looked at your own fantasies? Sex with a stranger? Sex with a doctor? Or someone in authority? Have you ever done roll play, where your husband acts out the specific sexual encounter you maybe craving?
Sometimes and actually most times, we do not want the peraon we fantasize about. We "wish" our partner can fulfill that sexual desire for us. Most times we are too ashamed to ask, expect our partner to say no, or to judge us for what we ask for, or in most cases... Simply don't know how to go about asking. Even if our partner agrees, you may feel awkward playing out the part, because it won't feel as natural as if it happened the way your mind sees it.
Before you make a move with the doctor, even if he is interested, have a good sit down with yourself, and see if your own unexplored sexuality is causing these lust factors. Do your best to get it from home, before you make a big mistake outside the home.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (24 April 2020):
 This is just a fantasy, a crush, and crushes don't tend to last for ever.
You sound like you you have got a good loving husband who loves you a lot and you both have a three year old daughter together. Don't act on this crush and risk throwing away the beautiful life that you currently have.
The doctor is a professional, and is probably friendly with all his patients. Because you are crushing on him you mistake every look, every gesture, every smile as something more, something that suggests they reciprocate your feelings. But looking at it from without your crush spectacles this could not be further from the truth.
Forget this crush, keep it to yourself within the walls of your own mind, and concentrate your efforts on your loving husband and your daughter.
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