A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I hope you are all doing as well as can be expected.I am having an issue with my partner and looking for some advice. We are currently in lockdown and my partner is an hour away. She decided to go and stay with her parents as they run an essential business so she would be needed to help. It meant that I would be on my own as my family live in other parts of the country but I know they really needed her. For the first two or three weeks of lockdown she was working lots of hours but still kept in contact with calling and messaging often. I made sure not to pester her as I knew she was busy but we had some good conversations. As time has gone on and lockdown has been extended things have started to fall apart. She called me for about 20 minutes in an entire week, always flaking on calls and kept saying she would call the next day but didn’t. I called her out on this and she was better for a few days then back to not bothering with me.We have been together for 3 years so we aren’t new and are not usually long distance. She can get stressed out easily and say nasty things and I have learnt just to leave her alone when she is in these moods. My biggest problem is that yesterday I found out that the company I work for is now closing and although I am not too bad financially I felt really low over this as I loved my job.I messaged her to tell her this in the morning and when she woke up she replied that she would call me in a couple of hours. She just didn’t. She later said she had been sleeping all day and was off to work to help in a couple of hours. I said I’d give her a call before work and she just sent nasty messages for no reason saying she doesn’t want to talk if I am down.I was really hurt and feel so unsupported. I am always there for her when she needs me. She sent me a message late at night apologising and saying she had a bad day so that is why she acted like that. She said she would call me after lunch today. No surprise she didn’t. She messaged first thing complaining about her job and has not once asked how I am feeling about mine. When she was supposed to call she disappeared for hours and said she fell asleep. She is now busy and I haven’t even bothered to ask her to call.What should I do?If I say I’m feeling unsupported she just loses it and ignores me anyway or gets nasty. I understand that it’s a stressful time but I am really starting to feel disconnected and uncared about.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2020): She sounds quite self-centered. You are losing your job and she can't even talk to you?
Now I do get she might be very stressed if she is doing essential work right now, maybe she is going on very little sleep....but still...
I would write her an email explaining how you feel and how the way she treats you, especially now and also in the past, is unacceptable to you. You need to feel supported and loved and if she cannot give that love and support then the marriage needs to be re-thought.
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (27 April 2020):
She is uncommunicative, she is distant, she is beyond unsupportive she is downright hostile and dismissive of genuine concerns. It sounds like she is using the time apart to re-evaluate your relationship.
Instead of calling her send her a letter outlining your concerns. And tell her that you want to have a serious talk about what is going on between you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 April 2020):
 I don't blame you for feeling like things are falling apart.
Maybe what you could do is reach out to friends or family and talk to them. I know i's not the same, but it will give you SOME interaction that you are craving and you might help that person out too but talking. Do try to NOT make it a total "Debbie Downer" kind of conversation, for both your sake's.
I'm sorry your company is closing, that absolutely sucks. But Look for silver linings here, you might find a better job or have the opportunity to try something different when things open back up.
with all the time you now have on your hands maybe look into WHAT you want to do next (when things open up).
Maybe look into some online classes that can improve your resume? Or just your personal life/career?
I would also stop contacting her for a while, LET her be the one to pursue you for a bit.
She might be working hard, she might be annoyed living with her parents and then also working with them, so she might BE at her wits end and have no energy for you, the relationship or even for herself. Which is why I'd back off a while. Because SHE can't BE supportive right now.
IF she then message you asking WHY you haven't messaged her, tell her that you feel like she needed space and quiet and for her to CALL you when she can, because you miss hearing her voice. And I would also point out that support in a relationship goes BOTH ways. Let her ponder that.
This whole lock-down is hard on relationships for many. But it will get better and hopefully it will be over sooner rather than later.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2020): This woman must have some really great qualities you failed to mention.
She has cut off almost all communication with you. She is unsupportive. She always has an excuse for why she isn't available. When you try to tell her how you feel she loses it, is rude and is nasty. From what you wrote it's sounds like she has used her time away to reevaluate your relationship. My suggestion is that you do the same.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2020): She's not listening to you, or taking your feelings into consideration at all. Saying that she can't talk to you when you're down, is she for real? Relationships are about give and take, and she should be there for you during this stressful, uncertain time, and any time really. It should be equal.
It's difficult, but I would be having a serious talk about whether she's prepared to continue your relationship. Explain how you feel, and if she starts getting nasty with you again, give her the boot. You don't deserve to have that from her, when you are only trying to explain how you feel. Life is too short to be unhappy in relationships.
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