A
female
age
30-35,
*ove4lust
writes:So I have been with my boyfriend for three years this halloween. When we first hung out, it was absolutely fun, it came to the point he was calling his mother to see what to do about falling in love with me. We both have been through some horrible relationships before that, so both scared. After being together for a year we conceived our first child. Long story short as of the beginning of this year he started acting strange. June one sat night he went out to hang with the buddies, I of course worked till two in the moring. Well three thirty came along no sign. Of my boyfriend. Finally got a hold of him to tell me he dropped off a person. He came home to sleep on the sofa. For some strange reason I had a bad gut feeling. So I looked at his phone, to find him texting a person to come to tbe back to make out with him. I wake him up to confront him and he willing tells me it was a guy he met from his friend and they were playing. So I blew it off. That mon night after work I got home to find my house completly spot free, candles burninv trash out etc. so again it striked me odd. I looked again and came to find out he had this person over and they fondled eachother while I was at work, with my son home. I was furious. He swore up and down nothing happened etc etc. I kinda ignored it but kept my gaurd up. A week went by and we met up with our family for dinner, and he went to use the restroom. His phone went off and I assumed it was his work. It was the females number. I again ask him about it, he then tells me he told her that he doesnt want anything to do with her. So I made the mistake of texting her. She then tells me that he hates me, he wants to have sex with her in my bed, and he doesnt wang me anymore etc. well obviously I told him about it and we have been trying to work on things. I of course love this man. But after so many months he doesnt want to be intimate, is always tired, starting to say I need to loose weight. I don't know what to do anymore. Please help me. He has everyone to talk to right now, and as I really have no one but my son. I want to fix this before its to late. I of course have a bad self esteem due to family problems with my parents always telling me I was fat or was never good enough, and my exes beating me or also putting me down. I thought this was the one, he pushed so hard to be withe, and now he has me he doesnt want me anymore so I feel. Please. Thank you.
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anniversary, at work, conceive, my ex, self esteem, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 November 2012):
 thanks for the update I hope it works out... counseling is a big help and his actions are saying good things...
best of luck.
A
female
reader, love4lust +, writes (7 November 2012):
love4lust is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you everyone for your suggestions. I do apologize for not. Responding sooner. Before I was able to check any updates we did do a couples therapy session. Surprisingly it sounds strange the gentelmsn asked of course if he loved me, and he did say yes. He made him call that woman and let her know that he loves me, and if he didnt want to call her and break ties that is a sign of seperation. Of course, I dont want to takr his son away. But if he truly loves me and wants to fix it he needs to take an innitiative. He called her right then and there. We were both kind of dumb founded. So we are attempting it one last time. Of course with him wanting me to loose weight he says he never ment it to be mean. Since my father was un healthy he had to have a quad bypass, and if im not careful it could happen to me. Our anniversary has come and passed. Not alot of romance but more intimacy. I jokingly say I should just move to italy and find a long life romance. Ha! Again thank you for your suggestions, it is nice to know im not alone with these situations.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 October 2012):
I’m so sorry you are in love with a cheating lying man. I know you want to fix it before it’s too late but honey it’s already too late… He’s lied. He’s cheated. He’s disrespected you. He abuses you. Is this the kind of relationship you want to model for your child.
Being alone with a small child is scary. But in this case it’s the best thing to do.
You can’t fix this. It’s too broken. He’s lied. He’s cheated. He’s abused.
Will you ever trust him?
Will you ever believe him again?
I know you feel like you will always be alone if you let this “catch” get away but you won’t.
I doubt counseling will help.
Best thing to do... get some legal advice to make sure he provides for his child. and prepare an exit strategy...
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (22 October 2012):
 This man is cheating on you and verbally abusing you - there is no reason on earth why you should stay with him.
I know you love him, and have a child with him so that makes you want to stay, but you need to find some self-respect from somewhere and not put up with this. He is a complete pig, treating you like crap and you are allowing him to hurt you. By staying with him you are setting a bad example to your son - this shows him that it is ok to cheat, lie and be verbally abusive.
The best thing you can do is leave him, otherwise your son will grow up and turn out to be just like his dad, a cheat and a liar and he will abuse women too because he has seen daddy do it to mommy so it must be ok. If mommy lets daddy treat her like this, then all relationships should be like this, so he will go and do the same thing to the women he dates. Is that really the example you want to set your son?
Or do you want to show him that it is NOT OK to treat women like this, that women should be treated with love and respect, and if the woman does not receive the love and respect she deserves then she will walk away?
I know what I would want my child to see when he grows up, so the choice is yours. You can leave, you can go on to be happy and your son wont suffer. But if you stay your son will see how unhappy mommy is, and he will be affected negatively by that. He will also learn a bad lesson about how to treat women and he will turn into a person that you dont want him to be.
This will be hard, and it will hurt - but it is right for you and your son. Dont put up with this anymore, you deserve better.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 October 2012):
 I am sorry , it's a bad situation having a young child and all, but... he cheated on you, there's no getting around it.
Now, I won't even say " once a cheater always a cheater " ( even if I happen to believe just that ), but the problem is that to fix a couple issue you need to be in two to want fixing it.
In other words, he could gain your trust again and fix things, if he were repentant and would come to you hat in hand, so to speak, and show you some effort .
Unluckily,it sounds it's the opposite, he is just wearing you down with his neglect, indifference and criticisms. Maybe he is a coward and does not want to take on himself the responsibility of breaking up a family, - he is waiting for you to throw the towels in front of his coldness.
I'd ask him to go to couple counseling, some times people just don't know how to fix things until they are provided specific tools and suggestions for doing it.
But if he refuses , ... you'd better part ways rather than stay around begging for the crumbs of his attention, it will only grind your self esteem to dust.
Unluckily , often young love is fast to come and fast to go. Or maybe , you become a family when he was not ready yet to make a serious committmenet.
Anyway... don't stay around to be the only one rowing the boat of this relationship. It's way too much effort on behalf of a cheater.
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