A
male
age
30-35,
*ornzo
writes:So i had been with my current girlfriend for 1 and a half years. we met in senior year of high school fell deeply in love it was great i couldnt tell you how strong my love for her was..i was gonna marry her i was completely commited to her. Then senior year came to an end. We spent almost everday of summer together it was amazing our relationship couldnt be any stronger we literally spent no time with anyone else sometimes we hung with friends but not very often at all.We waited to have sex went great we both loved it nothing could be better. Summer comes to an end and we both decide we go to the same college! we both thought it was a great idea we would eat together sleep together study together...i couldnt tell you how great we thought it was gonna be. I mean everything was perfect. things got a bit bumpy..there were rumors spread throughout the college that i was flirting with another girl which were totally untrue....these were told by my own friends!!from high school who went to the same school as us!. i figured they were jealous and i was right. I played lacrosse in high school and decided to tryout for the college lax team..i wasnt the best but the coach would have me trained.. and everyday i worked my ass off trying to get better and better...my girlfriend had class at that time so it didnt cut into our schedule. she gained a lot of guy friends..and yes i knew some were straight up good guys and would make good buddies with her ..but some were there just out to get her. I told her to not hangout with them and she didnt. Later in the year she decided to hang out with the guys i warned her about..which were in fact on the lacrosse team aswell. i made it clear to them that they dont try anything! one guy in fact did try to have sex with her but she said no. but she did in fact still hang out with him. Later in the year she decided that we temporary break up for no apparent reason..i cried n said noo please!! she said we will be back just give it time....and when we were "takin a break" i was devestated i literally went to practice..went to class and stayed in my dorm and cried everyday...i would see her in the halls we would say hi and that would be it!....later in the month she decided she would finally get back with me..i was very happy with that and we were the same as before!...Months went by. One day my girlfriend she had got a text from her friend who was a girl who went to a larger school to come party with her..of course with me as well. we were both in my dorm and she said she would be right back..her dorm was literally 2 mins away from my dorm...i waited on my dorm couch...minutes..30 mins...hours went by..so i finally txtd her to see what was wrong..i even went to knock on her dorm door ..but nothing. Later that night i got a txt from her..she was completely drunk..she txted some jumbled words..i was upset at her for doing it but i was like shes with all her girlfriends so its all good..i told her to stay safe....later she txtd me that she had made out with 2 guys i was devestated..n she then txtd me..."were through donzo" i about died..i txtd her back but i got no response..i cried ..i had never fell so much pain in my life....i went on facebook to see if i could find someone who could contact her..i talked to her friend and she said she called the friends my girlfriend was hanging with and she said she was fine..i at least wanted her to be safe. The next day i got a message on facebook saying " Hi :)" like nothing had happened...i then told her what happened she said "shit" and to come to her room to talk....we talked i made my point i was upset..i told her why would you do that..she blamed the alcohol but i didnt take that as a good answer at all.she told me she only made out with two guys and thats all...i cried for weeks after that i literally spent everday in my dorm room locked up from the outside world...and to top everything off..i got a phone call from my aunt the same day my girlfriend cheated on me to drop everything and come to my 17 year old cousins house ( i was very close to my cousin)..i got to the home to find eveyone crying..i was shocked to see that my own family member had passed away in her sleep that night..i cant tell you how badly my heart sank..it was the most terrible feeling in the world..it changed my life foreever.i decided to go back to my college which was 1 hr away beacuse i was completely devestated and wanted to be alone...and the one person i depended on couldnt be there for me.Me and my girlfriend txtd...for a while and talked.. and i know she truly was sorry cause i knew the girl so well. so we finally got back together and decided to move back home..obviously we went through some obstacles but we got back to normal..everything was fine.months past and on christmas day i got a phone call from my girlfriend crying..she explained that she had sex with another guy at the party she was at earlier in the school year..and that she lied about going with her friend..i was devastated i didnt know what to do..so we talked in person..n literally she was in tears..she begged that i not break up with her she was a wreck.she said she was drunk but i didnt care..she still chosee the path she took.n then she told me when we had our little break she had sex with another guy..i had no words beyond that point..i was done..i left home crying..it was terrible. I still loved her with all my heart but couldnt get past the thought of her doing these things!...we decided to get back together and ever since that things have changed..i get angry and upset a lot...its been 7 months since the incident and we have been trying to fix the relationship..we still had sex and still truly loved each other..she told me she would never do such a horrible thing again. But the past keeps coming back to haunt me. everyday i think of how she cheated on me..i tried everything to get it out of my head but i just cant..we have lately been getting in arguments a bit more but we truly love each other.She even told me that she would be completely loyal to me! now she makes me food she always txts me..she even said when you wanna have sex just say! she even buys me presents! i mean she was completely committed to me at alll times!she still currently does all of that for me! its great!! but i said i dont want her to be my slave (haha) so we cut back on some of those certain things. Half me is saying you love her stay with her. and the other half is saying shes a cheater leave her. And everyday im constantly upset..cause i dont want to leave her but i cant forget what she did..i feel as if nothings the same anyone. anyone have any advice? i know this was a long story but i wanted to put in all the details.
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a break, cheated on me, christmas, cousin, drunk, facebook, flirt, get back together, got back together, jealous, sex with another, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Philips  +, writes (4 July 2011):
 I would choose the second half, to leave her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2011): OP you are just sooooo young: ditch this cheater and plse move on.
you deserve better.
your life is jsut toooo precious to waste it on this cheater.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, a_maldita  +, writes (4 July 2011):
 well base on your detailed story I can tell that she had been unfaithful to you for so many times and honestly I hate cheaters.
If you love the person you would never cheat on them even if they are far or you are drunk.
There is no excuse for cheating and I wouldn't have second thoughts of leaving that person right after I found out...
How can you have relationship with the person who is not sure they love you and not sure cannot be completely honest to you in some ways...
But the decision is still up to you...
If you really love her then give it another try and be sure to totally forget what she did in that way you can have fresh start.
Goodluck!!!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 July 2011):
 this is a tough one. It is clear that you both love each other. But I am a firm believer that if you really love someone you will not cheat on them no matter how drunk you are. The way she just ditched you in your dorm and went out with her friends shows that she just did not want you to be there for her. It sounds like she was confused and just didn't know what she wanted. Maybe she has changed now I cannot judge that. But off course it is going to take you a while to get over what she done and also gain the trust back.
It really is your decision if you want to try and make things work. But it sounds to me like you are not happy and it is more of an effort trying to make the relationship work than what it is worth. You need to be prepared to let go of her past mistakes and move on if it is really what you want to do. I know that it is easy for me to say but it's either that or else end the relationship for good.
Communication is a huge part of a relationship so always be honest with her about how you are feeling. You said you asked her not to hang out with certain guys at college. My guess is that she would have felt trapped. You really didn't have the right to tell her who to hang out with and who not to. Yes you might have been right that they were only trying to get with her, but this is where trust comes in and you should have trusted her to make the right decisions.
I suggest that you just take things slowly with her and see how it goes. Try to put the past behind you if it is really what you want. Take time getting the trust back and hopefully you can both work on it. Good luck.
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