A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, so this story is a bit a complicated so it requires a little bit of background before I get to my question. So I transferred not long ago to the current university that I am attending. When I transferred I went to an official LGBT meeting where I had spotted this wonderful guy that intrigued me. I didn't think he was conventionally handsome, as much as I just thought he seemed interesting based on his demeanor. Unfortunately, before I could ask him if he wanted to sit at my table...another guy sat at my table. I spent the bulk of the time talking to this guy, but when I went home I totally beat myself up for not taking the time to go and talk about the guy that I saw that interested me. Well I sort of lucked out months later, because my friend had told me to go try a particular coffee at our on campus coffee place. Low and behold he was working at the coffee place on our campus, he works there. I got so nervous, and I certainly didn't want to get him out of his professional element since he was working and it'd be sort of informal to be like, "hey I saw you at the LGBT meeting."Well eventually time elapsed, and I will be honest...I sort of gave up finding ways of getting to know him. I just didn't think it would be probable for us to cross paths...That is until over a month ago when I registered for a dating site in the search of other local gay friends. Strangely enough, this same guy shows up on my suggested matches.I was so surprised, I double-clicked on his profile to verify. Sure enough it was the same guy that attracted my interest. Despite feeling a bit shy, I convinced myself I would message him because the worst that could happen is he doesn't reply.I didn't want to creep him out because, I know where he works. But that sounds too damn creepy. I kept it casual but thoughtful. And his reply to me was something to the effect of:Your message is the most thoughtful one I have ever received on here. Thank you. And it is so hard to find eccentric people these days, but I mean eccentric in a good way. And then he introduced himself and asked me for my name. So when I replied...And this was April 22, 2013. I replied to him immediately on that same night. Here's the kicker. Since, that night I never heard from him. I have even seem him sometimes walking on campus (since his reply) but I get nervous that he will think I am stalking him when in reality I am just going to my classes. I also avoid his workplace so he doesn't think I am deliberately going in there to spy on him. And that's assuming he is even aware of connecting the guy online with me (though I have lots of photos.) I don't even know if he knows I exist, but it's sort of hard not to when our LGBT department doesn't have many people to begin with. Plus we attended that same event where everyone spoke. Sadly that was months ago.Now through this site, it says last time the person logged in. He hasn't logged in since he responded to me April 22. How long do I wait before I give up hope chasing what I now believe is a dangling carrot? Is there any point in pursuing him? Should I wait until he decides to log on? I am sort at a cross roads and I need help. I am so sorry for the lengthiness of this question. I don't know who to ask for advice on this...any and all advice will be appreciated and rated. Thank you so much.
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male
reader, jc2008  +, writes (19 May 2013):
Go on, go to the coffee shop towards the end of the day and if he is there, get him to serve you and make some small talk about his course or what he is doing then offer him your number or if you are feeling shy try this...Go into the shop, go up to him and say "hey my friend thinks she left her phone in the shop earlier but she has had to go back home and i'm helping her out. Can you give me a call if you find a mobile please? and hand him your number with a smile.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2013): Update
Still the original poster,
As far as I know he hadn't gone on since the day he replied. And he visited my profile two days ago, but hasn't responded. Now I feel the ball is in his court. Before, I can approach him in person. I need to know he's okay with being approached by me. Should I assume his lack of reply indicates no interest? If so, I am prepared to move one...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2013): Hi I am the original poster. I rated both of your comments, good ratings at that. Thank you so much!@ WiseOwlE I hear of this type of stuff being done in films. How likely is he to react in a positive way better yet--let me ask, if you were working at a place...and someone interested in you dropped you a note with their number how would you react? I mean I think it's excellent advice. I just want to be convinced I would be doing the right thing. I don't think I am in love, and I can expect him to be looking at his other options as I am too. However, I would like to get to know him. He just seems intriguing. In your experience do people tend to gravitate towards someone that's aggressive? I can see how a confident person might win someone over versus a very passive person like myself. I am so inexperienced when it comes to this :/Would it be weird to ask him on campus if he's the guy that corresponded with me on the internet? Or that a weird question. I think I would like to tell him that...but I need advice.@ Denise32I replied to him a bit of a humorous message. I introduced myself to him. And ended up telling him that I have to go and write a paper, because at the time I did have a paper. Plus, I felt it would be an easy transition for him to ask me about school.So once again, I will ask what I asked WiseOwlE. Is it a good idea that if I see him on campus, I stop him and ask him if he's the guy that I spoke to on the internet? Or too weird. I need suggestions. I guess going to the coffee shop won't be bad, I just don't know about leaving a note with my information. On one hand, I think it could go alright. And on the other hand, I don't know I have heard of many stories where this has worked. I attribute this to my lack of experience though.Once again thank you both for your feedback. I shall see what I need to do.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (13 May 2013):
 Oh for goodness sake! Why don't you just catch up with him next time you see him walking to class and see if he'd like to have lunch with you? Failing that, you COULD drop by his workplace - preferably toward the end of his shift so as not to be (him) distracted by customers and then ask him to have lunch?
We don't know how you replied, but presumably it wasn't "gushing" or "over the top."?
Sounds as if he might be receptive to getting better acquainted!
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2013): Drop by the coffee shop and slip him a note with your phone number to give you call. Don't put anything else on the note. Tell him you know he's busy; and you will catch up with him later. Allow him time to get back to you. He has work and school, and he may be checking out a few other dating prospects. He's single, he has a right to. So do you. The more aggressive pursuer will get his attention. If he's on a dating site; he will get a lot of interesting hits from people. You haven't been too assertive about your approach. He thinks you're a little odd. So he hasn't taken you that seriously. You've got to put forth your best game plan. You've got to go for it.You can't really come to any solid conclusions regarding where his interest lies with you. You keep playing shy through all this, and he just doesn't have the time for games. He expressed his interest and you've been dancing around and around.Next time you see him crossing the campus, go up to him and just chat. Ask him out. What have you got to lose?
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