A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts,I have two best friends, and I always tell them everything, but this problem involves one of them. One of them (I'kll call him A) has been wonderful to me, but I don't want to trouble him about my conflicts with the one who has hurt me (I'll call him B). I'm an absolute mess and my hearts just hurts unbearably. I don't think that one of my best friends cares about me anymore, and I'm wondering if he ever did. I can't bear the thought of not having him in my life, but what he did to me is just unforgivable. Well, my birthday was last week and I never heard from him. Last year, he bought me a gift and made me a card, but this year... nothing. He didn't call me or contact me on Facebook.We play in the same band, and we rehearsed yesterday. One of the guys in the band congratulated me, and A gave me a gift, but B admitted that he'd forgotten.I felt like a bomb had gone off in my heart. I have no words for the pain. Last year, on my birthday, B gave me a gift, and he made me a birthday card. I have never felt so destroyed in my life... I thought, he doesn't care about me anymore.He hugged me and said he was sorry, but I don't understand. If someone is important in your life, HOW can they HURT you like this?I know I SHOULD just give up on B, but I have this void in my heart and can't stop missing him. I thought he was kind and caring and really cared about me, but I don't see how you can hurt someone you care about like this. When we left rehearsal, he hugged me and said we could talk later in the week.I've furious at him and my heart is destroyed.I am very very grateful for A and I love him dearly, but I always loved B dearly and I'm so afraid that he doesn't care about me anymore. Just an apology isn't enough, I don't see any way to make it right.The thought of being without my friend is unbearable, but is it worth even having him as a friend? I feel like he wouldn't have forgotten if he cared about me. What hurts the most is there's NO way to make it right.Thanks if you can help me. I'm an absolute mess right now.
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male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (13 May 2013):
 I wonder if you need to step back and gain some perspective here. While birthdays are clearly very important to you, they aren't to everyone. Perhaps he's one of those people. Personally I'd rather never observe my birthday ever again, and I have to make a note in my daytimer to remind myself of my wife's and children's birthdays -- it's just not meaningful to me.
If your criteria for friendship is that your birthday must be observed, that's entirely your call. Personally I would be considering how supportive, nurturing, and uplifting B is generally.
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (13 May 2013):
No offense, but you sound like a huge drama queen. HUGE. It's time you learned that you aren't the center of the universe.
People forget things and it doesn't mean he didn't care; he's got his own thing to deal with. Maybe you're one of those people who places a huge importance on your own birthday, but not everyone is, so feeling destroyed by this is quite an overreaction in my opinion. You're basically forcing him to live by your rules, and while you certainly have that right, it doesn't make sense to lose a great friend because of it.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (13 May 2013):
 It really depends how important it is to you that people remember your birthday .... My mother forgot mine one year .... no problem, I forgot hers one year too, but I did remember Mother's Day which is usually around the same time, I still feel guilty about forgetting my son's birthday some 6 years ago, and I think he was a little upset, until he rang me up and asked me if I had forgotten anything important, I was adament I had remembered to pay my car registration, which falls due at around the same time. He sent me funny, quirky little reminders the following two years.
For me, somebody forgetting my birthday is not a big deal, not a deal breaker, but I get totally annoyed if a tradesman doesn't turn up when they say they will, and people who constantly run behind in their appointments, like dentists and hairdressers. If that happens enough I go elsewhere!
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A
female
reader, helloyou123  +, writes (13 May 2013):
Im so sorry to hear that, no one deserves to be treated like that by their friend. I think that you should confront him about it. Explain how hurt/upset you feel that he has forgotten your birthday. There may possibly be a genuine reason, but nevertheless if he is as close to you as you are saying, and with facebook giving reminders everyday about people's birthdays then there should be no excuse. As i said there may be a genuine reason, maybe financially? But definitely confront him about it, and if he has just been selfish and forgotten, then maybe its time you surround yourself with more friends that appreciate you, like A. I hope this helps! :)
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