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Guys may come and go, but my study abroad opportunity will never come again...am I overthinking this?

Tagged as: Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 March 2011) 5 Answers - (Newest, 1 April 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I'm studying abroad in Europe for 4 months next fall. I haven't had the best of luck in dating, but I met an amazing guy last month whom I have a great connection with. Despite having only known one another for a month, it feels like I've known him for longer. It sounds corny, but he has the personality of the man I've always dreamed of. And he's quite cute!

My issue is, I'm studying abroad soon. He knows this and is still willing to commit to a relationship with me. And I'm okay with it too. It's just that, I go to a commuting university and I live at home, and I don't drive for personal reasons. So studying abroad is truly the chance of a life time for me (freedom) - a dream come true. I'm wondering if a relationship will hinder my experience. I'm going to be a full time student and I want to experience the foreign city during the weekends. I'm wondering if that will affect our relationship.

So my question is, can I have both? Guys may come and go, but my study abroad opportunity will never come again. But my study abroad will only last four months, and there's a possibility for a long-lasting relationship. I know it's only been a month, but I've never felt so happy with another guy.

Am I over thinking it? I'm not exactly sure what my "question" is but some advice or words of experience would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!

View related questions: my ex, university

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (1 April 2011):

CindyCares agony aunt I don't quite get your problem, it's only 4 months ! You can date now , and do the long distance thing for 4 months.

Are you afraid that " out of sight out of love " ?- Yeah there is this risk , since you two just met and haven't become attached to each other. But ,hey, nothing ventured nothing gained- and the risk is the same for both. For what I can see , the American students here are VERY keen on the local hotties...:)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011):

Thank you for your input so far!

Just to clarify - I will be studying abroad no matter what. I'm just wondering if I should date him now and throughout my study abroad, or tell him to wait. But the second one seems risky because we've only known another for a month and telling him to wait until winter seems... Selfish? For lack of better terms. We've been on a few dates so far and have another one planned for this weekend. Not sure if it's the right thing to do? I think my actual problem is fear of getting hurt. Should I just go with the flow (and not think too much)? Go on the dates, keep in touch over my study abroad, and see what happens?

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (31 March 2011):

CindyCares agony aunt Yes, you are way overthinking it. Would you really pass up the dream of your life, for a guy that you met a month ago ?! And it's only 4 months anyway. If you can't keep it going during just 4 months apart, then it was not meant to be.

Of course you can have both ! I am in Italy and in my town there are literally thousands of foreign students, including Americans from 80 colleges which set up study programs here. They can't be all single, I guess many of them will have a S.O at home.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011):

You should definitely go, this is the experience of a lifetime. However, I think you should tell this guy to wait until you get back before dating him at all. I've known multiple foreign exchange students, and every single one who had a girlfriend or boyfriend back home cheated. I'm not saying you will, but you are going to change during your trip and might discover that your feelings for this guy have changed. Be careful though, if you do decide to remain single, you can still get hurt.

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (31 March 2011):

dirtball agony auntYes, you're overthinking it. Enjoy your study abroad. If he's a good guy, he'll support you in your decision to go and wish you the best. It's only 4 months, and it will go quickly. Having a boyfriend back home won't hinder your experience, it may actually help keep you from making some bad decisions. Best of luck and enjoy your time abroad.

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