A
female
age
36-40,
*ornoutmommy
writes:Ok, so my b/f and I have not had sex for a month now. I'm 5.5 months pregnant- but I'm not overweight. I've gained 10lbs and am at 130. The first trimester sex wasn't really something that I felt good about, being nauseous, etc., but now my hormones are in full reverse swing! My concern is that I really want to have sex, but he doesn't even bother to look at me anymore. He's either playing video games, watching tv or sleeping. He works overnights and I work 2nd shift- so we only have the weekends together. But ten minutes after I go to work he's on the internet and the garbage can in the office has turned into a cum bucket! I don't have a problem with porn, I enjoy it as well, but he'd rather jerk off to the computer screen and then spend his time playing xbox than even look at me. Here's the kicker; the last time we had sex he couldn't even stay hard the whole time. I was so disappointed (but I never let him know) and disgusted with myself. He hasn't even tried to really touch me since then. This past weekend I showered and shaved, then laid naked right next to him, only to watch him play a game for 40 minutes. I got up, got dressed and washed dishes. I can't take it anymore! Why would he not want me? Is there something that I can do? I've tried dressing up in outfits and he just laughs at me- which totally shoots down my libido. I can't do anal, and that's all he's really been trying for (whenever we were intimate long ago). I just don't know what to do.
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female
reader, wornoutmommy +, writes (26 January 2011):
wornoutmommy is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey! Thanks for your advice. :)I understand how his confidence could have been shot- while he doesn't really ever attempt to make sure I'm satisfied (foreplay or positions, and yes he knows what I like), he is always very self-conscious about his 'performance'. I guess I've felt more like his mother than his partner lately. He can't even let the dog outside to go to the bathroom because he's too involved with his xbox games. I'm not even considering leaving the baby at home when I return to work- which is horrible. I have to run behind him and pick up all his pop cans, dirty plates and garbage everytime I get home. Then IF he makes food, the pans are so burnt on with food that I sit there scrubbing for half the night, and there is nothing left for me to eat. His main and only concern is himself. Yes there is a lack of communication, and I do not know how to fix it. When I said I feel like his mother, I feel like that here too. If I try to say something, even if it's in the most polite and stepping on egg shells manner, he gets upset because "he does so much" around the house. He can't even clean the litter box out once a week. He does shower! So I get upset, he doesn't try to listen to what I say, he hears what he wants. Then like my mother he'll bring up issues from the past (that, yes, are resolved), go into the bedroom and slam the door, only to play xbox all day. I've slept on the couch more than once because of this. He's expressed that he wants me to be more open about my thoughts/feelings but when I try he becomes upset, puts words in my mouth and stamps off like a teenager throwing a temper tantrum. Tired of being the mommy here. I'm waiting for my insurance to come through, and I'm going to start some counseling sessions. Probably individual first and then work up to couples- if he has to sit there with a professional he can't stomp off to play that damned xbox.
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (18 January 2011):
 When you laid next to him did you do anything to initiate? Contact, kisses, anything other than lay there? Don't get me wrong, if my GF comes in and lays next to me without any clothes on, I'm not thinking video games anymore, but who knows, you might have reached that point in your relationship where he may have thought you just needed to lay down for a while.
He obviously has a sex drive still, and I agree with trancedrhythmear that is inability to maintain an erection may have shot all his confidence out the window, so that means you need to talk about this with him. Tell him how you're feeling and hopefully he will make more of an effort. Guys are often pretty bad at reading hints and body language, so sometimes you just need to be blunt and honest. Talk this through.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): Hi!
If he couldnt stay hard, chances are his confidence could be shot cause he knows he let you down, both figuratively and literally. As a result, perhaps he has felt useless and so he masturbates to pornography. In addition, another possibility is that you are pregnant and while that is a completely human and natural thing, he may see it as unattractive for some reason. He needs to absolutely compromise on the anal thing and do something else so you both get satisfaction. Sounds like he's being selfish there if thats all he is willing to do. The fact he laughs at you for trying to turn him on is just absolutely outrageous and immature. Personally, I go wild when women dress up in outfits. Not to mention that hurts your feelings too so its very inconsiderate of him to treat you in a manner. My advice: I sense a good amount of communication issues here. Talk to him outside the bedroom, calmly if you can, and ask him why your sex life has diminished. Then, suggest a game plan to get things back in order so you can re establish what you had going on. My best to you on this.
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