A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey. so i hope anyone can help me. I dont know if my boyfriend loves me. He says he does. But i feel like im the one showing all the love. See i had to leave him for three months and i promised him i would call him. I feel bad cause im always the one calling him to say good night but sometimes he never replies back at times his like i love you too. When i dont call him, he never calls me back. I dont know. i love him much but at times i feel i really dont deserve anyone. cse every guy who i have been with never really loved me as much as i loved them. im afraid if i stop calling him then he will think i have forgoten about him then he ends up finding a better girl. Most time i think to myself "maybe im not intresting enough. He has found someone better." who doesnt have all this shit going on in their lives-o yea im dealing with some staff in my life." sometimes i do feel that i cant deserve anyone better. Maybe its just me. Anywase as much as i try to show how i care i really dont know if his using me, if he loves me for who i am or just for my body. He told me when i do come back we should move together. Im kind of scared cse i dont wanna be taken advantage of. Just for my body. I wish i knew what to do help me. I really dont know anymore i really dont know if anyone can really love me.
View related questions:
I love you Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): thanks everyone for ur help:-)
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (25 September 2009):
 One of the most difficult things in life, and would seem intuitive things in life is learning how to love another person.
In your age bracket, so many things are going on; so many distractions, that you often don't see each other, even when you're right there in front of each other.
Let's start with you. You seem to be a caring and thoughtful person. From what you've said, you really do worry about this guy, and you're worried about yourself. That's important.
What you need to do is to start focusing on liking yourself, even loving yourself. You need to have self-confidence and that doesn't seem to be showing very well. You say there are things going on in your life, and apparently those things are getting in the way of your own self-image and your relationship with your boyfriend.
So learning to love yourself, like yourself and at the same time see yourself as someone more than just "a body" is very important.
Remember that your boyfriend has to be able to look in your eyes and see "YOU", not just a female sex object. And you need to see yourself as a person.
The other thing here is trust. We don't know how much trust you and your boyfriend have towards each other. You need to have mutual trust, and it has to be so deep that you can say anything to each other and not fear being judged harshly.
You also have to be able to trust him that he's not running around on you, and he has to know you're not running around on him. So the trust has to be deep and committed.
When you have that, you have the kind of intimacy it takes to connect emotionally and be able to say things to each other, and build each others confidence up. With that confidence there's so much acceptance, and there's mutual support. You lift each other up. You sooth each other. You heal each other.
Examine all the fears and shames that occupy your hearts and try and take those all away. When you start seeing each other as people, not bodies; when you share your most intimate thoughts, the emotional connection makes the love deep and lasting.
It all starts with you as a person.
Moving in together alone isn't going to fix any of these issues. But it will make things more intimate and lasting once the two of you go through these little steps together.
The other thing is time. You're away from him. The more time the two of you spend talking and laughing together and enjoying your lives together, the better it is for both of you. Do things together, try new things together, ignite passions for all sorts of projects and things you'd like to do and share. Take interest in each other's passions and hobbies, or discover new things together you never knew existed.
Each of these steps helps the two of you discover who you are and discover more about each other.
These are simple thoughts, but if you take the time to open your eyes, look around, do some soul searching, and consider yourself more than just a "body", things will get better.
Even if it doesn't work out with your boyfriend, you've got something to work with if another man comes into your life.
From what you've said, remove the self-doubt and a good man will see you as that good person inside. She's just waiting to come out nice and confident like, that's all.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): First of all learn to feel good about yourself...men love women with loads of confidence. You ARE what you think you are...always remember !!
About your problem, let me just tell you that all of us are different. Some people (especially we women) show more affection. I had a similar situation with my boyfriend, but then we sorted it out and the conclusion is that I was being very impatient. I used to travel overseas for work for weeks together, since I was all alone there...i would always be the first one to call him. Then we had this big fight and I realised that I was just being kiddish...who calls first is no measure of love !!
One more thing in my opinion is that if he is asking you to move in with him....which means he wants to be with you and likes your company besides the physical attraction. Be positive !
...............................
A
female
reader, sally boo +, writes (25 September 2009):
i know this may not help you in anyway...but i just thought i'd let you know that your not the only one going through this...its ok to feel insecure...you've had past relationships where you've been 'neglected' in a way and i don't blame you if your feeling the same with this relationship.
i think the problem with my bf is that he had a bad past relationship and now he isnt very loving or thoughtful towards me and i do feel like you a lot of the time (how its one sided etc) but dont let it get you down too much...try talking to him...i recently had a conversation with my bf about how he's not very loving and affectionate and he has realised that he needs to let go of his past relationship and try to make this one work. and in the past few weeks he's opened up alot more and become mpre affectionate.
if you stay quiet he won't know how your feeling...he may not even realise he's doing this to you so the best advice i can give is to have a little chat with him...just stay calm and explain that you feel as though your making more of an effort...changes may not happen straight away but little by little he'll start to realise that he needs to make a bit more of an effort with you.
and i dont think hes just in this relationship for your body at all...he's asked you to move in with him...to me that shows major committment and if he didn't love all of you then he wouldn't be making such a life changing decision.
x
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): look love is not one person showing or giving all the love it has to be both so many people say they love you but alot actually meen what the words really meen,love is for what that person is there acts of kindness,caring therewilling ness to go that extra mile for that person,friend or family,love is showing compassion,trust,and honest about all that we face,dont call him go out and be yourself if he is truly interested in you he will call but dont beat yourself up and dont let yourself hang around waitng there are people out there that will show love and not use you for your body money or anything else,dont give to much at first see if there willing give,and take less,take care
...............................
|
