A
female
age
30-35,
*parksfly
writes:I'm so horny lately... I'm 19 and never had boyfriend before which i believe its my weight, i've always been over weight as child and i started doing gym recently and lost 6kg but need to loose 50 more !! but i can't wait untill i get the perfect body!! honestly guys? do you judge people by there shape, size and appearance cause i'm starting to wondering now....
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (9 January 2013):
 Doesn't everyone judge people on their looks? EVERYBODY DOES.
The vast majority of Women won't admit it. Most men admit it. Yes, you must be attracted to each other on sight. First impressions count for A LOT.
That's not to say everyone has to be a model or a size 8. But you have to find something attractive about them. The rest is down to attitude and personality.
That's a fact.
No woman or man would go out with someone they do not find physically attractive in some way. End of.
Good for you getting down the gym. You carry on and wait and see how it changes your life. Not only will it change you're romantic life, but it will change everything; you'll be more confident and better self-esteem and generally happier.
I use to be a skinny guy. Unfortunately, I have the opposite problem. I have an unusually high metabolic rate and have to eat 6 times a day to put weight on AND go down the gym. Since I've been going down the gym (for a long time now) I am much more healthy, have a lot more energy, I'm happier and don't get ill, I'm more successful making friends, meeting women and in my work life too.
Keep it up. Just set yourself targets. 6kg is great! Next get to 10kg. Then to 15kg. You'll find it'll fly off you at the start. You're only young and it's great you're doing this now.
Don't listen to anyone who puts you down about this. You keep on going. When you're happy with your weight then you can turn your nose up at all those who doubted you.
Good for you!
You're an inspiration for all those overweight men and women out there. If you're not happy with something then go do something about it!
A
female
reader, Sparksfly +, writes (6 January 2013):
Sparksfly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm prob just 30kgs over weight :O but yes i known its pain in the butt but i guess i can keep waiting....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2013): You Are on a tight track, just be' carefull how you loose your weight.
And as far as how body types go,everyone have different taste, but being a 110 lb. Overweight is a lot. At this weight your chances are quite limited., not impossible but limited.
Im at least 10 lb of my limit of even starting being overweight, but some men that I met made coments about me being a little overweight for their taste. For them I need to be 15 lb lighter, and that was my weight when I was 18, and I was considered very thin then. So for me this task is practically impossible, not that I m willing to do it anyway.
When you getvto the weight that you like be careful not to go overboard as I 've seen it happening to many women.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 January 2013):
 Dear OP,
good for you for getting it under control at a young age.
Please make sure to take enough calcium and vitamin D to protect your bones.
And lose weight the healthy way.
I don't doubt you have lost 6 and need to lose 50 more. Everyone is thinking in terms of normal sized folks and women with eating disorders and body dysmorphia.
I weighed at my heaviest 286 pounds. I was much older than you and had gastric bypass to help me lose weight. I got down to 135 pounds. a lost of 151 pounds or nearly 68.5 kg so I can see that as long as you are being realistic about how much you have to lose that it's an appropriate amount. BTW if you have always been SMO (severely morbidly obese) you will probably only want to get down to what is considered overweight on the BMI charts. Your body is used to carrying all that extra weight and your bones increase in density to carry it and you can probably carry a bit more weight than the BMI charts suggest. I know that for me I am only 5'2" but look best at 145. at 135 strangers wanted to feed me I was so skeletal
Now as to men and size.... there are men rudely referred to as 'chubby chasers' who prefer overweight or obese women. When i was nearly 300 pounds I had tons of men interested in me.... now granted some of them are interested in overweight girls because they have no self esteem and think that's all they can get (an insult to be sure) but some just prefer "fluffy" women. The problem with those men is that once you finish losing weight they will not find yo9u attractive sexually any more... My ex husband is one of those men... he is just more comfortable with big girls and when I got thin, (he did too btw) he ended up leaving me for a woman who is heavier than I ever was. It boggles the mind of some but I get it.
I don't like muscular men. I prefer them with some meat on their bones and a bit of a belly and thick thighs... go figure... so I figure if I like big guys and I'm a tiny girl, there must be men who like big girls right? RIGHT.
What is most attractive to folks is confidence and personality.
If you want to meet someone now do a search for BBW dating sites and see what comes up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2013): 50kg's OP? How much do you weigh if you don't mind me asking?
OP first off weight is quite a bad measurement for health and beauty. I'm heavier now than than when I was fat and I'm ripped and not even huge, just muscular.
OP you not having had a boyfriend is nothing to do with your weight, my fiancée is technically overweight according to her BMI and I've dated plenty of overweight/obese women in the past, it didn't make the slightest difference to their appearance to me. What made the difference is how they felt about it and how much they let it effect their confidence. Very hard to love a person who loathes their body to the point it has a negative impact on their life.
OP there is no such thing as the perfect body, just a great self image. Strive to be happy and healthy, not to be aesthetically perfect.
Talk to your doctor about losing weight healthily.
You said you only started the gym recently and have lost 6 kg's? You do know losing a kilo a week is bordering on the dangerous right? It's at the very limit of what your body can tolerate before it says "screw this, I'm shutting down and storing fat there obviously no food around".
Now to answer your question, yes, everyone judges others on their size and shape, but we don't necessarily judge people negatively in a stereotypical sense. Your size and shape wouldn't put me off asking you out but a skinny girls size and shape would. I'm just not into skin and bones. To me a healthy, beautiful woman should have curves. others have their own tastes. Now the deal breaker for me would be to hear you were losing weight unhealthily, or see you depressed about it all the time, because frankly you'll just gain it back if you do it that way and it becomes a long chore of a cycle of insecurity to date you then. Look up yo-yo dieting OP.
OP be happy with yourself, there is nothing wrong with striving for better, but perfect is unattainable for all of us. Let the fact you're working on yourself be a goal in itself and one you are achieving every day. When I started working out I did it because I didn't want to be fat anymore. I had no idea what my perfect weight would be or how I would look when I was happy with my body because you can never gauge that, we all have different body types. I was just happy to be up off my arse working out regularly, it's a great feeling. Feeling my muscles grow stronger, my endurance and stamina improving, being able to run longer distances and do menial every day physical tasks ten times easier was enough of a buzz for me. I woke up after nearly a year and it was all gone and I could do physical tasks I could only wish for before. I understand that looks may be more important to women than physical prowess for women but I don't see why. healthy and happy is a better goal than beauty ever will be, because healthy and happy is what is beautiful to us guys no matter what your shape or size.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (5 January 2013):
OK, first off 50 kg seems like an insane amount. I really hope you didn't set some ridiculous runway model weight as your goal, because being too thin isn't pretty either. There's no such thing as the 'perfect body'.
Now, if you're truly obese, yes it's a good idea to lose weight for the benefit of your health. Just be sensible about it. Consult a nutritionist, because bad nutrition can make your hair fall out, your skin become dull and cause all kinds of other problems.
As for guys, like everyone else said their preferences differ.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (5 January 2013):
 I'd think everybody would be lying if they said they weren't first attracted to someone by looks. I wouldn't call it 'judging' someone though.
If somebody is good looking but has a shitty personality, then they're going to struggle to keep that person around.
You need to do your weight loss for YOU though. Don't change anything about you for somebody else. Do what makes YOU happy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2013): Admittedly, yes... I think most guys do, but not all. I for one have only ever dated one less than size 12 (UK) girl. All the rest have been bigger (although not what one would class in the obesity range or anywhere close). I see everybody as a human being - fat, thin, black, white, short, tall. If I'm attracted to a woman its based on her personality, not physical appearance. There's more to love in a person than what you see on the outside.
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A
female
reader, Sparksfly +, writes (5 January 2013):
Sparksfly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, you all give me hope i just over dwell about my weight but i also need to realize that it's prob best to lose weight for my own health benefits :D on the long road
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2013): I'm sure you don't have to have a "perfect body" to date someone!!!But don't expect much if you are too fat either!putting aside the concerns of getting a partner , it is important for you to maintain some fitness to have better self confidence and power in life. you don't have to be the best in the crowd , but you should try to look YOUR best...! put on those nice clothes ,eye makeup and sexy shoes. cause its important to be at your best :) and you certainly are worth it. i was over weight by 6 to 7 kgs when i found my current boyfriend and then i became thin ..well now i'm again a little fat. My bf does pass comments on whether i'm right or should i lose/put on weight, but his love or attraction towards me doesn't really depend on that completely! but partly -yes also I MYSELF feel better and satisfied when my body is in better shape :)
i was over weight through my child hood but that does not mean i lost hopes. i was bullied in school for being "Fat"
and i will be frank with you , that the world gives significance to something known as "aesthetics" and people give preference to those who have a good body- doesn't have to be perfect or model like but atleast under the "normal" category for you to lead a happy life. Or you gotta be really strong to take all those abuses people throw directly and indirectly upon you. you have to admit that no matter how strong you try to portray yourself to be from the outside , it does hurt within to not be as good as others!
I am proud of you for losing those 6 kgs but sounds like you really are over weight from the fact that you have to lose 50 more... Its true that you shouldn't judge people by their looks , but human nature is to judge :) and by that we mean if you have grown old and have kids or if you have hormonal probs because of which you are fat thats okay. But you are just 19 and you have a whole life ahead of you! plenty of fish out there and lots to deal with in life...and you HAVE TO be at your best by working hard ..be it your body weight or at a work place or anything else..!Its about time you buck up honey ,once you face the world while feeling good about your self you will realize that its not that bad after all..your efforts WILL payoff.
dont go on a crash diet or get eating disorders or fall into depression. Go to workout with zest, eat healthy and take every positive step towards your goal . Lose like 20 kgs and keep hunting for someone to start going out with .I pray that you end up with a gorgeous body and find better love life.
And on the other hand look at the positive, whoever falls in love with you when you are still over weight is loving you for the right reasons, and not just for your irresistable body .save some fat for just that ;) Men do love curves and some fat to hold on to!
ONE TIP: eat more raw food &steamed food, avoid every damn junk , not even cookies o_O alright? . Don't cut slack for anything when it comes to your diet. stick to it no matter what. its okay if you don't work out every day though. and most probably you won't lose weight until the first 6 or 7 months and all of a sudden ta-daa you'll lose loads of weight! And once you lose weight your appetite will naturally come down.
ALL THE BEST :) *hugs*
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 January 2013):
 Honest answer ?
It's not exactly a matter of " judging ", saying that men judge you by your weight makes them all look like finicky judgemental idiots :). It's a matter of physical attraction, which is also important in a couple. You may have the best compatibility with a person and love all her/his great qualities, but if there's no physical attraction, it can only be a friendship at best.
A certain number of men ( and women ) do not find an excess of weight a physically attractive trait . Call it unfair, but it is what it is.
No need to despair. Your selection of potential mates may be a bit limited by your shape, but it's not annulled. Some people really and honestly do not care about physical size and shape. Some others actually DO prefer a bigger figure.
You are on the your way to get a new, HEALTHIER body and it is important that you do it for YOURSELF, and for being able to do more fun stuff with your body ( dancing, sports, hiking...) which now probably you can't do or can't enjoy, and for being able to preserve your health ( heart, joints, etc. ) longer . Your weight loss should be a love gift to yourself, not just a ruse to attract 20 guys rather than 5.
Also, I doubt that you really need to loose 50 more kg. ( 110 pounds ) maybe that's your target to have a model's body, but, really, do you need one ?... As long as you are out of the obesity = dangerously unhealthy zone, you don't need to be fashion model perfect, you can be absolutely stunning and gorgeous also at a more visible :) size 12 or 14, than the regulamentary skinny size 4 !
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A
female
reader, Sparksfly +, writes (5 January 2013):
Sparksfly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah i known what you mean but i think I'm confident person i've been through all lot, the best and worst thing that happen to me is that i got kicked out of school last year for bad attendance and then i change school and just graduated. I made few friend but however all lot of people weren't interested of getting to known me since i didn't smoke, take drugs and drink!! I was just out of the loop....
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (5 January 2013):
Of course, everyone does, but you already knew that. However there are plenty of guys who like plenty of different types of women. The reality, in all honesty, is that most guys prefer woman within a typical range; not too thin, not too big. BUT I'm sure you've heard of "chubby chasers" right?
Also it's about your confidence. Be the best you can be but be proud of yourself at the same time.
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