A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I went on a first date with a guy on Saturday. He was nice but he touched my butt.Not grabbed, but knowingly touched it. Aafter we kissed, he tapped it. Not slapped it but tapped it with his hand. Nervously, i didn't know how to react and didnt say anything in those moments.After dropping me off, he texted saying he had a blast with me. During the date he even mentioned wanting to one day take me to this other restaurant he thinks I might like.Anyways, I texted back saying that I also had a great time with him. I then sent a text saying that I noticed he touched my butt a few times, and that if he is just looking for a hookup, I'm not interested in that.He said sorry and that he sometimes just gets touchy feely. I then said this:Ok it kinda was too soon for me, that's why; i never really had a guy do that, so I kinda felt weird. If you're looking for a quick hookup, i'd like to know so i dont waste my time. If so, there's other chicks for that, I'm not one of em, you know?He replied with, "I appreciate u being upfront about it and I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm not looking for just a hook up either. I guess I just got a little comfortable too soon."I then said thanks for understanding. He hasn't reached out since and Im worried that maybe I ruined my chances because I left a negative emotion in him or something. Do you think if he really liked me, he would come back around? Or did I blow it?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 February 2016):
 I don't think he was "touchy feely" I think he was testing your boundaries, seeing how far he could go and whether you mentioned it or did anything about it.
I also think he WAS looking for a hook up, not something serious.
I think you did the right thing in standing up for yourself and your boundaries. If you feel butt touching is WAY to intimate for a first date with an almost stranger, then it's WAY to intimate. And if he now has backed off completely it might be twofold:
1. he is embarrassed that he isn't as suave as he thought he was - he is just embarrassed that he got CALLED on his actions. Most girls might not have mentioned it, if they were interested - but you didn't hesitate to set some boundaries. He might be feeling stupid and thus rather not talk to you again.
2. he knows he isn't going to get laid any time soon by you.
I'd skip this guy. And learn from it, tell a guy the MINUTE he has a hand on your behind that it's not OK. And that it IS OK for a girl to not want to be touched like that by someone they barely know.
YOU didn't do anything wrong.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (11 February 2016):
 No guy with the right ideas would touch someone's butt after just one date unless sex was all they're after. If his intentions were honorable then he wouldn't have dared to take these liberties with you. I think he just said that he wasn't after a hook up either just to save face. I say good riddance.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (10 February 2016):
 I disagree. You are in the USA. You accused him twice. He is playing it safe. Sexual harassment here is a quick conviction with little or no evidence required. If you ask him out he may accept, but I wouldn't expect another kiss. I would be on the defensive after that conversation.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2016): It sounds like you shamed him with your last conversation. He might think you do not want him to contact you again. If you want to see him again maybe you should send him a message first.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (10 February 2016):
 Let him put his money where his mouth is.
He said that he understands perfectly where you are coming from, right ?
He said that he is not just looking for hook ups either, right ?
Well, if this is true, he will come back around.
On the other hand , if he gets " scared " because a girl told him off for touching her butt ( hey, it's YOUR butt ! YOU decide when you are OK with having it touched ! ) ... 1) he was not so interested to begin with , and/or 2 ) he was actually only into getting down to business as fast as possible , no matter what he said ( talk is cheap ).
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A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (10 February 2016):
If he likes you then he will come back. On the other hand if he makes you uncomfortable and he was interested in just a quick hook up, I think you save yourself trouble if he doesn't contact you. I don't see that as a "blown up chance".
If he can respect you, he can have you, right??
Don't worry about it too much. You did nothing wrong.
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2016): you did not blow it! If he is grabbing your butt especially on a first date, he does not respect you. He has not respond because you made it clear you are not there for a hookuponce again, you dodged a bullet!
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