A
female
age
51-59,
*ellagirl20
writes:If you are familiar with BBM you will know that someone knows when their message has been delivered and then eventually read. Today I got dumped by BBM and then as soon as he saw that I had read the message, he deleted me! What a coward!! Duh... I do have an email for him. Should I even bother? I so badly want to tell him what I really think of him but am wondering what would bug him more... to respond or not? It's agonizing! I dated him last year for 3 months. I am a single mom and he was going through a divorce. He eventually ended our relationship because he had too much on the go and couldn't give me 100 percent. I was crushed but respected his decision. I removed all his contact info from my phone so I wouldn't be tempted to contact him and we had no contact for 10 months. I moved on with my life and was happy. Just after New Year's Eve this year, he contacted me by email to see how I was doing. We exchanged a bunch and basically he apologized for treating me unfairly, told me he missed me etc. So stupid ME gave him another chance. OMG...he broke my heart yet again last week and told me by text that he didn't think we were compatible after all. Of course I got upset and couldn't believe that this was happening to me again by the same person and I told him that. I stooped to the lowest of lows and told him how much I cared about him and asked him to give it another chance. Then I asked if we could at least get together and talk about it in person instead of by text. He then said he needed a couple of days to think about stuff and he'd get back to me. Today he tells me by BBM... "I've been thinking and reflecting on the past week and I don't feel the need to get together after all because I'm pleased with my original decision. I think you are a beautiful woman and you are good mother, etc.' As soon as he saw that I had read the BBM message, he then deleted me as a contact!! What a coward! I thought he had a lot more respect for me than this. I might add that we are both in our 40s, own our own homes and we each have a child in grade 8 at the same school (who know nothing about this I might add).My son is absolutely my priority and right now I am more angry than hurt. I spent the last week being hurt and agonizing over what the outcome might be. I can't believe that I actually waited for him to decide. I should have told him to take a hike last week. But I guess I had a weak moment. I haven't responded at all... should I even bother? OMG... do people ever grow up?!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, bellagirl20 +, writes (30 January 2013):
bellagirl20 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for your answers. I finally got my kiddo to bed so I could sit down and read them all. FYI I have not responded to the "dumper" and I already feel so much better. I took someone's advice and I wrote the nastiest email I could think of but instead of sending it to him, I sent it to myself. I don't want him to get the better of me so I will remain quiet. I very much thank the one reader for the "does she have the right to ignore me" link. It makes me feel so much better knowing that this particular guy was hurt because she ignored him! Just what I needed to read. I too will ignore... he is not worth the time and effort. AND I am not a "desperate masochist who never learns". I'm actually a very together, good looking woman with a head on her shoulders who just happened to get duped once again by someone who she really fell for last year... I trusted him and believed in him so I let him back into my life. He said some pretty sweet things to me and I believed him. Who would have thought we would take the same path? I even told him when he contacted me after 10 months that if it was because he was lonely, then he could forget about it. Of course his answer was that he missed me and felt bad that he wasn't there for me last year. Why wouldn't I believe him? I wanted him and trusted him... that doesn't make me desperate... it makes me a caring human with a heart. I don't want to be man hater... but I think for a while I will kinda hate this particular man. Live and learn I guess. I basically just wanted to know what would piss him off more... to answer his text or not to answer his text? I got my answer and I thank you all so very much. I really do feel so much better! Cheers :-)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2013): Coward indeed. Seems some men just don't change or grow up. Angry as you must feel right now just let off some steam at a gym class, join a dating website to take your mind off him and meet a friend for some vino. Don't talk about him all night though have some laughs. If men are never too old to grow up us women should never be too old to give up our vices of gossiping & giggling over some vino.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (29 January 2013):
I'll add my vote to not responding. Forget he ever existed.
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A
male
reader, Adroising  +, writes (29 January 2013):
What a coward! that's all I can think right now, I think you should respond him when you stop feeling all that you're having on right now. When you're ready for it, and if you want to do it!
I suggest you, to not respond him yet, cause it still a very fragile moment for you, and if you ever need someone to talk to here we are! Go girl! You can do it!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (29 January 2013):
 Know this for sure...when he said he needed time to think, he was already gone.
I don;t know whar BBM is (lol) but I do know what TMR is and if more women stuck to it when beginning a new relationship, they'd save themselves a lot of heart break!!
TMR is the Three Month Rule.
Within the first three months all anyone should be doing is enjoying dates, talking and getting to know the person so they can decide if they are compatible. Three months is about the time when people begin to show their true colours and have usually decided if a relationship is going to work out or now.
In the first three months women in particular should avoid 'creating an imaginary future plan' with a guy (because it's too soon). They should also avoid having sex, thinking it will lead to the 'future plan' because we all know that having sex too soon will NOT make a guy fall for you (especially at our age lol).
I have read a million times on DC how people rush in and then it all falls apart...and when does it mostly happen?...yep...around the three month mark!! and it's because they rarely get to see the real person before then because the first three months is about having fun, saying what you think the other person wants to hear so they will like you and enjoying the honeymoon period. If it lasts three months and you feel comfortable then maybe take things a step further!!
Of course the TMR sounds simple but people mostly ignore it because they assume love too soon, form emotional attachments too soon, start playing mind games and avoidance games and internet invasion when they aren't getting what they want. Peple will continue to have sex way too soon because they think it will make the person like them more and stop that person from leaving...but we all know that it won't.
So we o all this crazy mad shit and where does it get us? Confused, used, messed up and hurt.
Should you contact the guy?....Nope, because it took him three months to get to know you and he has decided you're not for him...and there isn't a damn thing you can do!!
Wipe your tears, take a deep breath, forcus on your kids and move on...quickest route to feeling better!!!
Good Luck xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (29 January 2013):
 Hi
Do not respond, don't give him the satisfaction of knowing how angry and upset you are with him.
If he should ever contact you again,ignore him. He is a user.But you know that now.
If it makes you feel better write him a letter but don't send it, rip it up after you've got it all down and throw it in the trash.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2013): I think you should ignore him. It always annoys people way more when there is a loose end than it does when you shout and scream at them. Don't stoop to his level or give him the satisfaction of knowing it bothered you. Take a look at this thread to see how moving on is the best revenge!
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/does-she-have-the-right-to-ignore-me.html
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 January 2013):
 So, uh, what exactly is your question??
It sounds like your question should be "Should I keep being a desperate masochist who never learns?"
You already know the answer to this, and it's that you shouldn't waste your time with this loser. He flaked out once, and you took him back, only to have him flake out again.
This guy used you for sex, and he's keeping you pining after him by saying a few flowery things to you to keep a sexual back door open.
Never ever let any guy catch you this desperate again, because if you weren't this desperate, the very thought of you communicating with him would cause you nausea, and you'd already be looking forward to using your freedom to maybe spend time with a guy who's more worthy!
Think of yourself more highly than this! You're worth more than to pine, wheedle, chase after, and be used by the dregs of society for a booty call after getting New Year nostalgia.
So SNAP OUT OF IT lady and drop this flaky loser once and for all. Let him eat static forever.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (29 January 2013):
 Hi, Dont contact him again and even if he emails you ignore him. He has no respect for you and after giving him a second chance he still treats you badly. I suspect you were a fall back plan and as soon as he got someone else he bolted through the doors with no thoughts to hurt he may cause.
Being the rat he is , he is likely to come back, just be strong and dont take him back. Dont email, call or send him and messages as he will think you still want him back. Silence is the best treatment for weasel like him. I am sure you will meet someone that will treat you a lot better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2013): Hi, I am sorry you have gone through this, and yes I agree he is a coward. I don't think there is any need to bother contacting him at all, you are worth more than that and it will only boost his ego to know that he has gotten to you. As hard as it is, just try to forget him and leave him where he belongs in the past. Good luck
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (29 January 2013):
 He sounds really childish doing all this over text. You already have one child you definitely don't want another one in their 40's!!! Remain the bigger person in all this, you made a mistake taking him back but it's his loss not yours.
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