A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay here it is... I met a guy(we will just call him Steve) a little over 2 years ago and we have gone back and forward for the past 2 years because I don't want to stop dating people until he makes a committment to me and he doesn't want to make a committment to me because he says that I date around too much. In the beginning he would take me places and we would be okay, but as soon as he found out I was dating he stopped! :-( This all came into place when we were supposed to go out and he had an excuse and I ended up going out with someone else that night, I told Steve and everything went left after that. Now aside from that [Last year we had a big falling out and we didn't talk to each other for a few months, so within that time frame, I started dating someone that was a friend(we will call him Mike) and we hit it off and he made a committment to me. He was crazy and started demanding that I cut all friends off completely and when Steve called I told him I was involved and not to call me anymore. Later the guy and I broke up and I missed Steve so I called him. We started talking again and he feels like he is only a rebound, but that's not so I missed him the entire time I was involved and if he would have made a committment, then I would have been with him... When I decided to get involved with Mike I just wanted someone to be there and do all the things I wanted him to do.] Steve is a really sweet guy, very handsome, smart, and we get along very well, but as soon as he finds out that I went out on a date he gets very angry and says that he doesn't want to see me again. Then after 3-4 days he calls again like he never said that he didn't want to see me again. I get upset with him because he never wants to take me out because he says that he will not be a part of my dating game. But if he would, then I wouldn't want to see anyone else. He usually meets at his home or office to see each other and we are sexually involved. He is the only person that I am sexually involved with- I only date other guys because he take out and I don't like to be alone when I go out. Sometimes I do it to show him that if he doesn't then someone else will, but now I am feeling like it was a mistake in the first place to let him know bc now he feels like he can't trust me or I will always date other people. He seems to be a great guy and I want to develop a relationship but I feel that it is unfair for him to ask me to only date him and we have not agree to be committed to each other. Dating other people is not something that I must do, but I need him to step up to do those things if he doesn't want me to see others. I don't want to lose him, I want him in my life, but we are constantly going in circles. So my question is: Do you think that I am fair or he is unfair and what should I do about this situation?
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female
reader, raiders +, writes (21 April 2010):
 stop dating have him see that your are ready for a serious relationship. Maybe he won't commits since your always running around in dates, slow down give him time and if he still don't ask you than I think you should ask him don't be shy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for answers guys!
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (21 April 2010):
 i'm interested in why you think he's the one that lacks commitment in the relationship when you won't even try making the relationship exclusively you and him, which is the first step TO commitment...why should someone commit to a person who is trying to find (better?) guys left and right?- you've not really given him any reason to trust you or make the next step towards taking the relationship to the next level since you're using other guys as leverage against him.
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A
female
reader, sscandy +, writes (21 April 2010):
Tell him what you have told us. How else are you going to know? He won't be a part of your dating game because he doesn't want to date you most likely, and then lose you. You have to be honest with him and tell him that you date around because he won't commit to you, and you don't know what else to do or what he wants from you. It is up to him then on how everything plays out, but I know there will be people that will say the guy has to say it first. But seriously, how long do you want this game to go on for? He may be waiting for you to settle down first with yourself and not need anyone else in your life, but you. It is only then can you make room for a proper relationship. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 April 2010):
 It's not a matter of what you "should " do, it's a matter of what you want to do.
Do you want to play the field a bit or keep your options open or whatever ? Why not,you are young and there would be nothing wrong with that- just do not expect that if you keep going out with other guys Steve should be sitting at home patiently waiting for you, or falling on his knees begging you for an exclusive relationship- it would be neither likely not reasonable.
Do you want to have a more serious ,more involved relationship with Steve ? Then tell him. Promise to stop dating other guys, and keep the promise. Once he sees you are true to your word, he can start trusting you more and giving you the kind of things you want.
Then, if he does not, it means the problem between you was not your seeing other guys - and you can go back to your old ways knowing that at least you have tried to make it work.
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