A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel so down its unbelievable. Im a really positive person, even if i have major problems going on I can ignore them and still smile and be positive. But i cant avoid the truth though, i dont seem to ever feel like anyone is attracted to me. Im independent, drive a car boys my age dream of having etc but because of my looks i miss out. Maybe all this has come out because i was dating this girl, i did like her but i ignored my feelings because i dont like setting myself up to dissapointment later. After being insisted on meeting her things went great, she told me she likes me, i ended up falling for her. Few weeks later contact reduces as we both had things going on, and since than she has changed and pretends to be nice when i know she is not interested.The person that i am, i moved on, forgot about it in few days. Quicker i erased her from my memory less it would bother me. But i cant get over the truth...girls love talking to me, but as soon as they see me its not the same. Its hard to explain.Is it all based on looks and what thier friends think these days?Im popular amongst friends, but when it comes to dating or attractiveness ...things suck.Please tell me its not like this throughout life!Girls who want a gentlemen not a jerk..well thats a load of tish tosh!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (27 September 2012):
I just think it's been an unfortunate succession of girls for you... and that you shouldn't get a complex about how you look. Anyway, you don't want to be the guy the girls go for just for image sake, because they are airheads. Someone with depth and sincerity will want you for a combination of who you are and what you look like. You just haven't met her yet.
And in the meantime, you haven't missed anything.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2012): oh, honey, i feel for you. and yes, it seems that people today judge based on the surface of things and what others tell them. it really, really blows and i am so sorry for you.you seem to really want someone, you have to admit that.another factor is YOUR attitude in a relationship. you say that it's esy for you to forget about problems and move on. maybe some women see it as being fickle and never settling down with anything. they may get they feeling that you move on from girl to girl and that they never really mattered to you in the first place even though they might have.in a relationship people have to give and take. you may have things happening in your life that create obstacles to having a girlfriend, but that best thing to do in this case is to let go of relationships until you get things figured out. some people are built to deal with everything life throws their way all at the same time. you don't seem to be the type. unfortunately from what i read, you seem to put aside a few things (in this case your girl) to focus on other aspects of your life.and another thing, putting problems and things that bother you out of you mind to avoid dealing with them will not solve a thing. all it'll do is leave a trail of broken hearts (including yours), unfinished business and it'll all come sneaking up on you and crashing down when you least expect it. you have to learn to deal with an issue as soon as you can and get closure. THEN you can move on.honestly, though, i feel for you. hope you do find your girl and be happy.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (27 September 2012):
 A couple of years ago I dated a guy who was about 9 years older than me (I was 23 he was 32), he was what you might call 'ugly' - big nose, skin wasnt great, pretty much completely bald...so no Brad Pitt! But he was a true gentleman, almost from another era, we had lots of fun together and I never even thought about his looks, it simply didnt come into the equation. He dressed really well, took care of himself in terms of staying slim and toned etc - I love a man who is really well dressed so that was actually more important to me than 'looks' in the traditional sense.
I'm 25 now, and again I'm in a relationship with someone who isnt traditionally 'attractive'. He is a rugby player, so very well built, bit of a beer belly really! But I love him beacause he makes me laugh, he treats me so well and I'm happier with him than I've ever been before.
I think you just need to be patient, and wait for the girls to grow up a bit. Eventually the girls will realise that all the 'hot' guys will either treat them like crap, or bore them to death (really hot girls often are boring and a bit stupid, and the same applies with the hot guys, then are boring and a bit dull!) so they will figure out that what they want is a nice guy who makes them laugh, and looks wont be such a big deal.
And look on the positive side of things here - you were dating a girl not so long ago, so obviously girls cannot be that repulsed by you otherwise you wouldnt have dated her! I know it didnt work out, and that sucks, but she wouldnt have agreed to date you in the first place if she wasnt attracted to you.
I know its hard to be patient when you want a girlfriend, but try and work on yourself for now and wait until the girls grow up and mature a bit more. They need to go out, get hurt by the hot guys and then realise what kind of guy they REALLY want after they have realised the hot ones will keep on hurting them.
For now, try and improve yourself any way you can. Work out, learn a new language, carry on studying, focus on getting a great job, take up a new hobby....there is plenty you can be doing to make yourself a cool, interesting guy. Now I'm 25 I like men to be interesting, with lots to talk about, they need to be intelligent and be up for a good debate. The more they have experienced in life the more interesting they are as a person, and the more likely it is that I will want to spend time talking to them!
As for the friends thing - I never cared what my friends thought of my boyfriends looks, I only ever wanted my friends to like him and get on with him, I didnt really mind whether or not they thought he was attractive! I think by the sounds of things you have been meeting immature, silly little girls who havent grown up yet! But even those silly ones will grow up one day and wont be so easily influenced by their friends.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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