A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. As the title suggests, my girlfriend does want to perform oral sex on me.She keeps asking, every, single, time that I'm alone with her. I tell her, "No. I'm not ready for that. I am, however, ready for intercourse.", and she tells me she doesn't want to do it, until I let her perform oral on me.The main reason why I don't want to let her do it is because I don't know how I'll feel, if she swallows the load.... I mean, she's going to digest my dna, if she does swallow it!I dunno if I'd be sad if she's making a snack out of it, or if I should be happy, that she's finally getting her way?I appreciate your help.... I really don't know how to aproach her on how I feel very pressured, on this.
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (1 August 2012):
 Your situation is one that many men dream about.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry, about that. 3 days ago, I said I was going to keep you all informed on which kind I prefer.
Well, I really like the intercourse. I feel like I can be more involved, while when I'm getting oral, I'm not doing much, except for feeling the pleasure, and moaning.
Of course, she prefers oral, as she's more in control in that situation. I'm not sure. What do we try, so we can both feel optimal satisfaction? Do we have 1 session, where we do a bit of intercourse, and a few minutes of oral? Sounds fair to me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, we went all the way with the blowjob she's been wanting to give. She swallowed the load, and said she loved the taste. I guess I am a little flattered, although it sounds a little bit strange. I dunno. That's just me.
Tonight, however, my girlfriend and I are going to have the sex I've been wanting (Intercourse). And, hopefully, she'll enjoy that one, too!
I just have to ask.... girls, if given a choice, which of the two kinds of sex do YOU prefer? Intercourse, or, the.... uh, other one? (The kind I just had last night.) I, personally, have no idea, as I've yet to try out intercourse.
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male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (21 July 2012):
 I guess it's about what you think is right at the time. And what you're willing to live with.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 July 2012):
 It may be time to work up enough nerve to ask for help. This sort of thinking may ruin a healthy sex life.... It sounds as though you saw a therapist, once and are not in active treatment or taking any meds. Sometimes the brave and sensible thing to do is to ask for help. Sounds like it in this case.
If your girlfriend doesn't know about the male refractory period then perhaps she's not ready for a mature sexual relationship either. I suggest the two of you do some basic research of male and female physiology and sexuality.
Good luck.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 July 2012):
 OCD can be treated with behavior therapy and medications... that may help your anxiety and worry over this... if you are not in treatment I would suggest checking into it...
to be honest, I feel your pain (my partner has some OCD tendencies, as do my first husband and my older son) and I wish I had better info for you... if you can get past the idea of her swallowing your ejaculate, you can concentrate on the pleasure of the blow job.
MOST men really like blow jobs and would KILL for a woman that wants to give them... and many women don't like giving them and would prefer a man who did not want them...the sad irony of the world I guess...
How about this: the hydrochloric acid in our stomachs is strong enough to eat our other organs (I know I had a perforated ulcer last summer and my stomach acids started eating me from the inside out) so it will easily and readily consume and destroy any DNA you place in her stomach....
but of course for safe oral sex condoms should be used...then if you do ejaculate it will be contained in the condom..
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have seen a therapist. And, I am too nervous to bring it up to the doc.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, it's decided. Tonight, my girlfriend and I WILL do what she wants. She'll give the oral sex she's been DYING to give me.
I just hope that she doesn't try to rush me into having intercourse, afterwards, as I'm not sure if I'm pretty sure that once I orgasm, I won't be in the mood to do much for a while. I know this, as after I orgasm during masturbation, (Sometimes, she even does it WITH me), I'm usually motionless for a good while.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 July 2012):
Are you being treated for your OCD?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): The overly analytical process given to the idea of your GF consuming your DNA and it being a part of her- does suggest some personality disorder. The majority of young men of your age grouping would be obsessing over the visual and straight out pleasure of being thusly adored by someone they love and care about. It wouldn't be so much of a struggle for them. Not by any means.Oral sex is one of the leading complaints on this site from men who do not receive it as much as they would like to, to the point that they don't receive it at all.I had a friend that was OCD about germs. Not even wanting to use a tea towel that I had used to dry my soaped up hands and rinsed hands from. He was being overly obsessed about it that I blurted out " Man, if you are this crazy about touching a fricken tea towel I just dried my hands from - how the hell are you going to deal with sexual intercourse and exchange of bodily fluids. Have you ever been kissed?"It caused him embarassment and discomfort. BUT- it got him thinking about such matters. He realzied he may be OCD and went to a therapist.Needless to say, he has relaxed on some things and has a better understanding of himself and his life.If you are so turned off and 'freaked' out by oral sex, I will proport you will not be so easily ready for penetrative sex.Your reasoning and logic are not making sense to us and it is coming across as more of an irrational fear.I'd address this dynmaic of your thought process/personality and see just how complex and difficult your life may be due to your current analytical state.Such irrational fears and possible personality disorders do tend to get out of hand to the point it totally limits and restricts ones free agency to live life- it rather robs them and keeps them prisoner.
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male
reader, Hennessy1989  +, writes (20 July 2012):
 As a man I can tell you that you will be kicking yourself for not letting her do it sooner, your lucky to have a girlfriend who is keen on oral
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to confirm, yes, I have OCD.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 July 2012):
You are aware that your cells are being eaten by other creatures already, right? "Dust mites like to eat dead skin from pets and humans. Since flakes of skin normally fall off humans unnoticed every day, mites aren't likely to starve. An average adult sheds up to 1.5 grams of skin each day -- enough to feed a million dust mites. Flakes of dead skin work their way into carpeting, beds, and furniture, inviting dust mites in for a happy meal. Most dust mites are found inside mattresses, bedding, and upholstered furniture."If you kiss her, you are exchanging saliva http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saliva which also has cells shed from your mouth.If your concern is transfer of your DNA to her digestive tract, you should be using a condom for oral sex. You should be using a condom for oral sex anyway, as unprotected oral sex isn't considered safe sex anyway.If you need a neutral party to negotiate sex acts for you, what will you do if you encounter a quandary mid-sex? Stop what you are doing, get them on speed dial and get 'permission' or negotiate a resolution?Do you have OCD or some other syndrome we should be aware of, as the aunts try to answer your question?At this point, I'd say you are not ready for sex, until you work through the unusual thought process you have going on there inside your head.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 July 2012):
you are putting way too much thought into this
Do you have anxiety disorder or OCD????
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question"Am I right in assuming your issue isn't with the oral sex itself, but with what will happen to your semen? I'm very confused. Is this a personal thing? A religious thing?"
Well, think about it. It's a part of me, it's little "seeds", as I call them, and, they're on the menu? I'm not really sure why anyone would want to absorb my sperm, so to absorb my DNA, as well. When we digest food, we make it a permanent part of our bodies, right? So, why does she want to make my DNA a permanent part of hers? Is it a very strong attachment?
I'm not sure what the views are on fellatio from my religion. But, I'm pretty sure they don't advocate it. (But, these days, who gives a darn, what their religion says about whatever, in this department?).
I'm sorry, if this is vague. Any additional info will be provided.
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female
reader, jinxx +, writes (20 July 2012):
 Yeah, I agree with other people when they say they don't quite understand this.
Am I right in assuming your issue isn't with the oral sex itself, but with what will happen to your semen? I'm very confused. Is this a personal thing? A religious thing?
Most people don't think this hard about it. Oral sex can be separate from intercourse, you could combine it, or you can skip it altogether.
If you're uncomfortable with the idea of oral sex in general, then that is fine and you should tell her so.
I also think you two aren't ready for sex. You shouldn't need a neutral third party to help decide this. It's a personal decision to be made between the two of you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's what I'm saying. We're going to get to a grey area. Like, a few minutes of oral, a few minutes of intercourse.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 July 2012):
"alternate between oral and intercourse"
why does it have to be so rigid?
what's to say you don't do both in the same session?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe both feel ready. We're kind of talking about some sort of agreement. We have a neural party helping us decide how we should proceed. No, none of us are breaking up.
Anyways, so far, it looks like we should alternate between oral and intercourse. I'll keep you updated on the final verdict.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain +, writes (20 July 2012):
I also prefer other forms of sex than oral (at least when done to me) unless you reciprocate at the same time. Let the heavy petting turn into 69 and you will have your girlfriends orgasm to concentrate on. If you are not ready for that either then you are not ready for sex. Sex is about getting close and personal and 69 is perfect for that. Simple penetration for many women, especially the first time, in not always as easy as it is for men so lots of heavy petting and oral is vital. Remember the woman should always cum first, don't focus on your needs because if you look after hers you will do just fine I assure you.
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (20 July 2012):
Well, I tend to agree with other responders that you both are not quite ready for a sexual relationship. She may be more ready than you, however. The "oral sex" part of this may have to do with her fear of unwanted pregnancy at this time in her life. Although there are precautions available for vaginal intercourse, none are 100 percent effective.
The bottom line, in my opinion, is that receiving oral sex from a girlfriend or wife is acceptable, pleasurable and there is nothing wrong with it, but my opinion is heavily slanted by my personal experiences. I can understand that it is not something with which many men, young or older, may be comfortable with.
So, express that sentiment. But it sounds like she is somewhat intrigued by the activity, as many women are, and she may seek out a willing participant at some point. Point is: Some girls just want to try it.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 July 2012):
 You should cut back on the porn videos, because that's not a true representation of really good oral sex! When I was young and was trying to learn how to give REALLY good oral sex, I confess that I watched some porn. BIG mistake. I ended up gagging and thinking that I might not ever want to do it or be on the receiving end of the mayonnaise blast from hell! It grossed me out, and it sounds like it did the same to you.
You don't have to want oral! Hangups are hangups. I knew a guy who had a bad experience with braces and never wanted it again. I've heard of germaphobes who consider the mouth a breeding ground of bacteria and so object for that reason.
If your big thing is her not swallowing, then she doesn't have to. She can spit it out, or she can switch at the moment of ejaculation.
If you ever decide to be adventurous, oral is mind-blowing. So many guys would KILL for a girl who wanted to please them orally and vice versa. I know guys who prefer really good oral to intercourse. Unlike those stupid porn videos where the bulk of oral depicted has to do with a woman on her knees just pumping the pogo stick, real oral involves skilled hands, a skilled tongue, and a good woman who can tell how close her man is to orgasm by the temperature and tautness of his skin against her tongue, prolonging and edging it until...well...you get the picture. *THAT* will not come from a porn film.
You don't have to feel pressured if you don't want to do it, but when you finally get adventurous and experience what you're missing, I'm thinking you'll kick yourself for waiting so long!
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female
reader, NoSCreen  +, writes (20 July 2012):
I don't think you are ready for sex... Oral sex is not a bad thing, if she swallows why do you care? If comes out of you and it's not dirty just a normal part of a healthy sexual life. Let her do it, you may enjoy the experience.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHm. Well, I'm kind of horny when she asks me for sex.
However, I dunno. What do you think? Do you think we should alternate between oral and intercourse, as shown in porn videos? Or, is it simply not a very good scenario to try out? If that is the case, I'll let her do the oral thing.
I just hope that she doesn't try to do only the oral and not the intercourse. I'm not sure if I'm gonna tolerate that?
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female
reader, Tyedyedturtle +, writes (20 July 2012):
 Why would it be a sad ordeal? You don't sound mature enough to be engaging in intercourse. Sorry.
She sounds adventurous and like she wants to please you. She doesn't absolutely have to swallow, but if you can't handle the thought of that, then how the hell would you handle sex or, god forbid, an unplanned pregnancy? You don't sound ready.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): Instead of blowing your load, use oral sex as foreplay for intercourse.
Most women don't find semen palatable. It has the consistency of raw egg whites. Digesting it and snacking on it is seriously a gross thought. Why are you so attached to your semen anyway?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 July 2012):
 I don't understand how you can be ready for sex, but you can't handle her swallowing your spunk.
However, if you aren't ready, you aren't ready and she needs to respect your no.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): Lol how weird your ready for sex she isn't but she's ready for the other thing and you ain't,this is really a silly thing I have ever heard. To be honest I think you and your gf should not even do anything as you both aint ready so it seems. Probably not been together long either.
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