A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need serious help with my girlfriend she constantly thinks I'm checking out girls when I'm not Even if I do I don't ogle and do it rudely She thinks that's it's a sign that I don't love her that I don't want to be with her that And her friend was involved in the argument and she had said her boyfriend never looks which I think is complete bullAll you guys out there reading this you know you can appreciate the natural female body but you only want the one you love and any other girl you are looking at is nothing to youI know when I am looking and when I'm not she is saying I constantly am when I'm not and when I admit to looking even for a millisecond she gets furious and tries to break up with me only because what she thinks she saw and takes what she thinks as the absolute truth and what makes it worse is that none of her family wants us together not her friends and they all know they can tell her some bullshit story about me and she believe them before asking me and flip outYes I know the obvious issue but I love this girl so much I want to know what I can tell her to calm her down She is always asking why I look at other girls when I know I'm not and rarely I do if I find someone attractive I notice And what makes it unfair is that my girlfriend can look and ogle at hot celebrities and cute guys and when I confront her about it she just tells me she only does that just because I look at girls She is the type of person who thinks getting revenge is the best option rather than talking anything outHow can I deal with this?How can I show her I love her and if I look at any other girl it means nothing like how she tells me when she sees a cute guy "he may be cute but I don't love him I don't want him"Please help!?
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female
reader, ShiShisAdvice +, writes (23 November 2011):
 I think it's great that you are so into her. You convinced me, so maybe the issue is all in her head. Sounds like maybe a past relation cheated on her or she witnessed it in some other traumatic form.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (23 November 2011):
 Two things. One how long have you been dating? I ask because I know with my boyfriend as soon as the honeymoon phase started losing potency and we discovered "whoa, there are other people on the planet?" it was actually really rough to see my boyfriend checking other women. It took me awhile to come to grips with it.
Now what I'm about to say, if YOU say it, will get you in heaps of trouble because it will make you sound like a jerk. But maybe if you had her come read this, it would help. I made myself stop looking. I found I was getting so paranoid about it I would stare at his face every time a pretty girl walked past and scrutinize his eyeballs, and any sign of movement and I would get upset. So I stopped looking. When I saw a pretty girl coming I'd look at a tree or check my phone or distract myself in some way, or look at her myself. It took a few weeks of this, but pretty soon I just completely stopped being bothered because he really isn't rude about it.
Another thing you could try, my boyfriend occasionally does this one thing that I think is ridiculous endearing and sweet where if a really hot woman is coming, he'll suddenly become completely engrossed in something in the opposite direction or suddenly find a cloud fascinating or be unable to break eye contact with me. You could try doing that occasionally too, as a gesture.
The other thing though though from your descriptions is that maybe you're being a bit more rude than you think. Guys do seem to be totally unaware in general of how much they stare at women like meat...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2011): This is me
Now my girlfriend thinks I'm just using the whole it's natural wired in a guys brain to just glance but I told her I only look I don't check them I
I constantly only check out my girlfriend A LOT
She has enormous breast which I always stare at I ogle her not other girls
I am always constantly looking at her beautiful face, her breasts, her butt or just her whole fantastic body!
She thinks she is ugly an fat but she not she is one sexy girl that I love and the only one I will love
I just don't know how I can deal with her thinking I'm looking at other girls when I only check her out and ogle her and only her!
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A
female
reader, mammaboo  +, writes (23 November 2011):
 She may not be of sound mind on the subject. You could try having the conversation of What do you think im doin that makes you think im looking all the time.!Listen to her answer!The trick is to listen to exactly what she is saying and agree. Then say would it help you if i didn,t look in any other direction other than you when im with you.Listen to her answer!
All the time you are not arguing you are asking the question and listening to the answer. By doin this you are making her listen to her own reasoning on the subject. Do you understand? If you want to sort this because you love her its easy.
When i say agree with what she is saying i mean to look at it from her point of view and understand why she thinks that. Let her know that you understand why she thinks that.
Engage fully in this conversation and let her know how interested you are!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2011): If her family and friends dont want her to date you and her friends tell her `BS` stories about you. Then im not surprised the girl feels insecure. She probably feels less than happy and will be under a considerable amount of pressure from everyone. You dont mention why her F&F disapprove of her dating you. But if she is trying to hang in there with you against such opposition, sometimes glancing at other girls might just be a trigger for all her insecurities to surface. If that is the case then anything could set her off. If it wasnt looking at other girls it would be something else you do thats `wrong` in her eyes. The punishment doesnt fit the `crime` because she is taking out on you, all of the doubts and insecurities that her F&F are instilling in her. To rectify that problem, you would have to try and win over the people that are putting unhelpful thoughts into her head.
She must have strong feelings for you as a lesser girl would cave in to others wishes and dumped you. And you must love her as you want to fix this problem rather than just walk away. So if you feel she is worth the effort, hang in there and be patient with her. Keep reassuring her and hopefully over time things will improve with her relatives and friends. They need to learn to like and trust you. Once that happens your girlfriend will be able to relax a little and your relationship should improve.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 November 2011):
My friend, you're fighting a losing battle. This girl is very insecure, very jealous and isn't willing to deal with it.
This is the sort of behaviour that when I in my teens, I'd tolerate because I thought it was normal. After a few years though, I realized that actually you don't need to tolerate it, and in fact you should NEVER tolerate it.
You see, your girlfriend has the problem. Not you. But it's such a big problem that it can't be dealt with unless she deals with it herself. But she won't deal with it - she ignores it and chooses to blame you instead. What really gets on my nerves about this type of person is the whole two-faced backstabbing and the hypocrisy that she can do what she wants whilst you get the blame even for imaginary things.
You need to look at this for what it is, rather than what you want it to be. Your girlfriend is a hypocritical liar, her friends and family are against you and she always takes their word over yours, and she's basically out to control you. She's an abuser in the waiting, my friend.
Take advice from someone who has been there - get away from her. You can do better, and you don't need to accept this level of poor treatment from someone who is supposed to care for you.
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