A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Basically, I tend to go through periods where I am extremely sensitive about things.When i reflect on it, i dont really have cause to feel the way I do but for some reason I do.I am normally content, energetic and loving life. I've never been the most confident person so the smallest of criticisms (unless constructive) can make me take a step back and feel slightly upset. But in general I am happy and always friendly and polite.On the other hand though, I go through bouts of feeling less sure about anything. I worry about what people think of me. I sit there in a room and someone will sit nearby and when I dont say much they walk off. I constantly find myself sitting alone now. Or if I am with people, I still am sitting alone while the rest talk.I find it hard to make conversation and often feel put out by social gatherings. I think I do have some social anxiety as do tend to be the shy one of the group and hover behind everyone, kind of just filling a space in the room without being much of a use!Sometimes I think others avoid me because I'm boring and dont say much. But some days I force myself to talk and say things and people respond (and sometimes laugh if i say something funny) but I still feel afterwards like I talk rubbish and no one really cares what I say.The above feelings are in bouts so its not all the time.I even sometimes wish I was at that stage of life where I was having children so I could spend time at home. I do enjoy time on my own, or time with my boyfriend and close family and friends. Around them Ive always felt so comfortable. Ive been at my workplace for a long time but there are many people there so I just havent felt that comfortable feeling there at all. I do love my workplace though and do feel very empowered and needed there. Just sometimes I do feel like hiding on my own.Should I seek help about this? Even though its just periods of going through this?
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female
reader, ShiShisAdvice  +, writes (23 November 2011):
 I go through the exact same thing and I am 45 years old! It doesn't get easier, but I'm glad you posted because I am feeling the same way. I would say to just remember to get one good friend, that's all you need and treat her kindly.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2011): I have found that when I encounter adults and befriend them, and with time they realize I can be trusted to turn to for counsel; they reveal that they were not taught strongly that they MATTER by two loving parents.There are some parents that have just been two figures that were present but did no real parenting in regards to talking to their child(ren) and asking them how their day was. What did they learn. What was the highlight of their day. What was the lo point of their day. Never asked them questions about a show they watched together, what was their favourite part of the movie, why?To really scrutinize and examine events, situations and use such times to instill in them that they can think for themselves, they have the capacity to reason. To explore themselves and get in touch with their compassion, their thirst for Justice.Also never told them directly that they believe in them. They want them to be happy. They are loved. They are amazing. That they weren't praised.Most of my adult friends were parented with the, he seems fine and happy so we don't really have to do anything but what that really is; is laziness and a form of neglect.So these adults feel a bit empty at times and even unhappy and will sometimes suffer bouts of doubt and depression. So they need to be comforted and reminded by friends, they are amazing, wonderful, have so much to contribute to others and the world.I think you may be one of those People. I was raised, from age 12 and on, by my Loving Foster Parents that I Am a Child of God. May sound hooky but I believed it long before I came into their home. I believed I mattered and fought against anyone who told me or treated me otherwise. But the validation from my parents was AMAZING and exactly what I needed.So you can heal and get strong and feel secure with some counselling. To recapture even recreate and act out in your mind, that you see the little girl you, and you go up to her and you embrace her in loving arms. You love you as a little girl and encourage her to be GREAT because you KNOW you are. Tell the little girl, from age X to your age, all the great things that has happened, the great things you do now, how you have a great job, how you are you own person, can be and do most anything you want, so long as you work for it. That you don't have to be fearful all the time. That life isn't so scary after all. Give that little girl hugs and kisses and encouragements. You KNOW she is going to be alright.Counselling can help you train yourself and re-teach yourself about your great self worth and the power of choice you have, the power to effect change, the power of exsistance. How do you not see how amazing a person you are? You can be friend to others and yourself and bring happiness and joy to others. I suspect you are one of those people that do that naturally and have in you such a great love for life and others. That makes you rare and valued above all others on this Earth. Your kind of individual is what is needed in our times. The World needs more people like you.Really.*Hugs*
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A
female
reader, mammaboo  +, writes (23 November 2011):
 There are some deeper issues for you here but i don,t think they are things you can,t solve.Sounds like you have a fear of rejection and you are not confident in your own self worth.You would benefit from some confidence building exercises.There are plenty of workshops you can engage in that do this.You could even take up something that might build your confidence like rock climbing, cycling,basically anything that is competetive.If your not feeling this just join a confidence building workshop.They will bring you out of this cowering away and build up your confidence.
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