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age
41-50,
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writes: My wife thinks I'm cheating on her because I've been refusing sex for about 4 weeks. But that's because I've been feeling like crap lately and quite stress out as well. She keeps asking me straight up if I'm cheating or not and I kept telling her I would never do that. She looks through my phone or my email almost daily (I caught her a few times). I think it would be a good idea for me to lock my phone or change my password on my account cause it could get worse, but its getting really annoying that she wont trust me. What do i do?
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male
reader, Tomas  +, writes (9 February 2009):
I'm with the others that making an effort for intimacy is a good idea, even if you aren't in the mood.Having said that, if it isn't in the cards, it may be that the "feeling like crap" and stress are too big in your mind. (Keeping an erection when you are stressed about something big can be a chore.)So I'd suggest offering to talk to her about whatever the stuff and crap feelings are. As in "I know I've been unavailable and that's been scary to you. I'd like to try to explain what I'm going through, so at least you know what's going on." I know that I've felt withdrawn before, and had to pour everything out at 3am to my wife to get connected again. And she's felt like she didn't want to be touched, and I needed her to walk me through the whys and wherefores.The main thing is, these talks allowed the other to really understand (not have to take on a strained faith) what the problem was. If the answer is heartfelt and true, it will resonate to your partner. And sometimes they may have an idea you didn't think of, not so much to fix your issues, but to help keep them from torpedoing the relationship ("well when this happens, if you could just xyz then it would be much easier for me.)Also, no no on the changing passwords. It sucks to feel untrusted, just as it sucks to feel untrusting. You want to build here, not undermine.
A
male
reader, kinkydude  +, writes (8 February 2009):
I understand the stress thing. But when you two are together, you should really put the stress aside, like leave it outside the house, and be with her completely.
We have to learn to manage or personal lives, under stress, and I think this involves separating them, and giving them their own personal times.
Give in to lovemaking, even if your a bit stress. Be sensual, and touch her alot, this will help you forget about the problems, and put you in the mood. Try candles too.
I know how you feel, but you don't want to lose your job and your woman...
keep everything in order. Things are not worth stressing over.
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A
female
reader, didda123 +, writes (8 February 2009):
 I think locking your phone and changing your password is the last thing you want to do unless you are hiding something because that is the impression you would give. I would suggest leaving your phone on and always out in the open which would be a better method of making her feel more relaxed.
Something has made her feel insecure and if she really has no cause for concern you will have to help her regain her trust for you.
I really think you need to have a long chat with your wife and let her know you are feeling a lot of pressure lately and that is the reason you have being neglecting her. If you are normally very attentive to her then any change will obviously have her thinking the worst but if you don't discuss things they will only become worse.
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