A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this girl for about 4 months, and the relationship has been mostly great. She is athletic, caring, friendly, very attractive and has a great personality. I have a high level of trust in her and I know she thinks I am attractive, intelligent and a good guy.The perceived challenge in our relationship is how we met. I met her on a trip when I was with about 10 of my guy friends. I am normally not the type for a one night stand, but it happened with her after meeting at a sports bar. We proceeded to not get in contact for about a week, although we have both said we wished we could have sooner. During this week she slept with one of my friends who knew about what happened between us. She claims I wasn't interested in her, hence why I did not contact her during that week; my friend claims I wasn't interested either, and that it was fair game (the fact that he has a girlfriend is another issue altogether and is not really relevant, although on the trip I mentioned this to her in passing during a group convo …. but she still slept with him because he denied having one). Anyway, most of these issues are behind us, but certain issues nag at me. She didn't tell me about what happened with my friend until about a month into the relationship: I was upset, but understood that we weren't seeing each other and it was in the "grey area". Because I really like her and know she really likes me, it bothers me that we had to meet this way (first night sex) and it bothers me about what happened later with my friend. Months have passed, but it is frustrating because even though our relationship is strong, I sometimes struggle with this "stain". Other things that bother me: a.) the friendship with my friend has been compromised; b.) she later went out drinking with him and a few other friends a few weeks later before telling me what happened; and c.) she has a tendency to text and talk with other single guys now, even though I know the messages are innocent and she has told them she is dating someone. The irony in all this (bear with me) is that she doesn't "get around" and I consider her to be a sweet and caring person. I guess I didn't envision that I would meet the girl of my dreams this way, and although I don't know how the relationship will play out, I want it to work because we both really enjoy each other.Does anyone have any feedback on how I can move beyond these perceived challenges?
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female
reader, Shadowplay  +, writes (26 June 2009):
Would it change anything if you hadnt slept with her that night?
You two didnt meet up a week late because you didnt want too, you both did want too! there was clearly a connection and still is so i wouldnt worry about the past...
:)
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (24 June 2009):
 ok she slept with your mate after sleeping with you, more fool her to be honest because he had a girlfriend at the time. i mean you say she's texting single guys but it's all innocent but i think you are paranoid due to possibly the way you met and then the way she slept with your friend even though he had a girlfriend.
do you feel she lies to you then? as you've said she later on told you about going out with the guy she slept with and other people for drinks...
the only way you can really move past this is if you speak to her about what happened and let her know how it's making you feel otherwise you'll just stand by biting your tongue.
why does she text and talk to other single guys?
does she know they are currently single?
all you really need to do is tell her how you're feeling at the moment and how much you really want it to work otherwise it'll keep eating you up inside and that's not what you want and it'll put a pressure on the relationship.
hope this helps hun. good luck message me you need anything else :) x x x ilovebowsandcherries
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (24 June 2009):
 You can't change the past and you can't live in the past. Just accept the fact that everyone does something like this at some point in their lives. It was before you were official so it wasn't cheating and your friend is more to blame that the girl. Overall you just need to get over this, stop thinking about it. It may help to chat to your girlfriend about it. X
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