A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend got drunk one day after an argument. She met up with a friend and they took a guy back to her place. Her friend left but the guy stayed. The next day she said nothing happened and told me they were both naked in the bed. She also told me she text him to say not to say anything until she had spoken to me, then deleted the message. I asked her to text him and ask what happened and he replied nothing I was steaming drunk. Should I believe her or not as I feel it's all pre planned. She has now moved in with me but three weeks ago she stormed off because I wasn't holding her hand as often as she wanted me to. During this time she was away for a week but I have since found out she was texting a guy. I didn't read the messages but I could see they had been putting kisses at the end of them. Now two weeks on she is starting to show signs before her last outburst. I have tried talking to her to see what's up but she gets stroppy. She does know I have seen the texts. She also likes to check my phone or iPad to see what I have been up to.
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (24 May 2020):
 Pack up her crap, tell her where to collect it from then block and delete her number.
Move on.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 May 2020):
 I agree with the others who have suggested you watch when she packs up her stuff, or pack it up for her and put outside the door. A family I know lost rare family irreplaceable photographs when a son's relationship failed.
Anything of sentimental value should be put away before she comes, if you keep money or valuables in the house and she knows it, move them.
If you have a mate or family member who will come and help you "supervise" her packing get them on board, an eagle eyed mum, sister or female cousin would be best and probably put the heebie jeebies up the ex while they are at it.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 May 2020):
 Yikes!
Glad you changed your lock. If I were you I'd go get some boxes so she has no excuse to leave anything behind when she comes pack her stuff.
Or you can pack her stuff and leave it outside if she doesn't show up. Be mindful though, BE there when she pack her stuff. If there are things (of YOURS) you don't want her to "pack by mistake" put them someone safe.
Also, as soon as she has gotten her stuff, BLOCK all contact.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2020): Well, seems she resolved the issue by self-elimination. She lied about her daughter and grandchild; so that shatters her credibility altogether.
Do you still think she just slept naked with the other guy and they didn't do anything?
You changed the locks? Smart move!
I'm not easily shocked or surprised by anything these days. Your story has a bazaar ending, but I've heard worse.
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A
female
reader, hilary +, writes (22 May 2020):
 You both sound very immature and unworldly, both not thinking things through, both living for the moment without planning things or pre empting things that others would. You need to wise up before you can get into any relationship with a woman and make it worth. Making a relationship work takes two, if you cannot see that she is not interested in a relationship with you and just wants you hanging around for her you will be letting women run rings around you and kidding yourself you have a relationship over and over again until you are a very old man.
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (22 May 2020):
 WAAAAY too much drama. Smart of you to change the locks. Wash your hands of her and thank your lucky stars that you weren't together longer and she didn't take everything you had. She sounds like a lying crazy nutjob.
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A
male
reader, Justryingtohelp +, writes (22 May 2020):
Someone who could lie to you about losing their own daughter and granddaughter is either evil, manipulative or has severe mental issues. Maybe all 3 as they are not mutually exclusive. Dude, stay well away. You cannot fix this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2020): You have got yourself mixed up with one messed up broad, walk away,in fact run away as fast as your legs can go, she is too old in the tooth to change, her life is obviously drama.
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male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (22 May 2020):
She got drunk had sex with another man and now refuses to own up to it. What is there to discuss? Other than when can you get anything you may have left at her place?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2020): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis only gets better and I really need to laugh now as you are all right. She is 42 I'm 46. She stormed of earlier and said if I had left her alone she would of stayed for now. Well she has said she's not coming back. I've changed my locks to my place. Then she text informing me she will be in contact to arrange collection of her belongings in the morning. Also this is the best part and I don't expect anyone to believe me or understand but I was told by her that she lost her daughter and granddaughter back in 2018 only to find out that it was a complete lie. I know this because she left an address laying around and I first thought is this where she had gone to so I went there only to see her daughter at the door. My whole head is all over the place now. I know it's her daughter because of the pictures I have seen and I ask if she was such and such. Then 8pm she the now very very ex text me asking why did I contact her daughter. I stupidly replied by saying I thought that's where you had gone and I was worried. Honestly you would think my life was a chapter out of a fictional novel.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2020): This post requires a simple and short answer.
People who become mean, belligerent, or argumentative when they drink alcohol should drink very moderately, or none at all. Don't discuss provocative or triggering-topics while intoxicated with other intoxicated-people. What's more obnoxious than a mean-drunk? Two mean-drunks!!!
Your girlfriend slept naked with a guy, and claims nothing happened. How naive are you? Sleeping naked with another guy when you have a boyfriend is still cheating; rather something happened or not. The intent was to do something or you wouldn't have gotten naked together. Then she sends messages followed by kiss emojis to another guy. I suspect she's much younger, probably half your age? Are you the sugar-daddy type?
Dude...seriously?!!
You should move your girlfriend out, and send her back to wherever she came from! She is trying to use reverse-psychology to guilt-trip on you; to dismiss the fact that she slept naked with another guy. How you can just dismiss that, is beyond reasonable comprehension???
Your girlfriend sounds like a manipulative person. You seem somewhat infatuated and whipped; and my guess is you're more into her than she is into you. You must offer her some kind of advantage. Be it financial, or just that you're easily manipulated. I speculate both! Is she paying half the household expenses and for food? If you pay everything, she has found herself a sucker. I'm not insulting you, I mean in the sense that you're a pushover. I needed a stronger word to make an impact.
Summation. Get rehab if you have a drinking problem; and I think it's time to dump your girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (21 May 2020):
 Is she 12? This is childish. Leave
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 May 2020):
 But what would you like to discuss, exactly ?... It does not sound like there is a lot of room for discussions, negotiations and adjustments.
If you have to discuss in order to convince her that it is totally inappropriate for a person in a committed relationship to end up naked in bed with a neked member of the opposite sex…. eh well, I admire your patience but I don't understand it , you would not want to have to explain your Gf how she is supposed to blow her nose, or to wipe her privates after going to the bathroom, right ?I mean, she is over 4 years old, she must know the basics. And , not admitting drunk naked men is sort of the basics in relationships- but if she does not even agree about that, if she thinks this is normal or ok or no big deal , - then what do you want to talk about ? It would be wasted breath.
Nothing happened, uh ? Ok, I buy it. Nothing happened, as the guy admits, because the guy was dead drunk ! Had he been marginally less drunk, probably things WOULD have happened ; what was there for stopping stuff from happening ?... sure not any form of respect for you !, from neither one. While the guy , though, technically is not bound to show you respect... if this is your girlfriend she is, instead, and, drunk or not drunk, she should not dream of enticing naked men in her bed while she is still seeing you. If she does not understand this basic notion ( and it seems she does not )- then discussing the relationship would be akin to discussing a dissertation for a Ph.D with a person who has left school in 8th grade.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 May 2020):
Sounds like she has all the answers, but don't feel like giving them to you.
I think it's NORMAL that couples discuss things, that couples don't always agree or see eye-to-eye but refusing to discuss ANYTHING means she doesn't think she did anything "wrong" and that you have no "right" to question her actions.
And THAT OP, is a big fat red flag.
Who sleeps NAKED in bed with someone else when in a committed relationship? Doesn't matter how drunk. Someone who isn't your partner sleeps on the COUCH! Not in your bed. And certainly not naked either. Whatever for? If nothing is going to happen (sexually).
Another red flag.
Then there is the telling the guy to say nothing until SHE has spoken to you... what for? Other than to COVER her own ass.
Another red flag.
She goes through your phone? Why? Because she knows what SHE gets up to so she presumes you also get up to skeevy things. She has NO trust in you.
Another red flag.
You say she gave up everything to be with you... WHAT exactly did she give up? Are you sure it wasn't just more convenient for her to move in with you? After all it seems like she has you wrapped around her finger.
I think what you need to do is end it, and ask her to move out. That she is right this won't work. It doesn't seem like a healthy relationship and I think you IGNORED the red flags before you moved her in, which isn't smart.
Learn from this and move on. Life is too short to be with someone who walks all over you.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (21 May 2020):
 That's probably the most truthful thing she has said in this whole thing in saying you both can't get through this, i would take that on board and move on.
She has not spoken to or been in contact with this friend. Given her track record how do you even know this is true and she's not spinning you a line?.
I would get out now, and sooner rather than later.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (21 May 2020):
Then don't discuss your relationship. End it.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (21 May 2020):
Are you a doormat?
She ended up drunk, naked with a guy and you’ve found her texting another guy and the main concern is that she won’t discuss the relationship?
Cheaters are usually pretty hot on checking their partners activity. They project their negative behaviour into their partner as they think they’re doing the same. You don’t trust her, she doesn’t respect you, how can this relationship possibly last?
Move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2020): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all. Thanks for the response. Since all that happened she hasn't spoken or been in contact with that friend. The other reason for writing before was because last night we spoke about her friend that only wants to know her when she needs money. I said she's not a good friend and I expressed my feelings regarding this ( very calmly). Especially as this other friend got someone else to make contact. Now this morning I woke up and she wouldn't talk and if she makes a drink she makes it for herself. I asked if she was ok ( I know a silly question) only to be told that she don't think we can get through this. I asked why and she said because there is always some problem or not. I said because you can talk out about my friends she don't like but I can't say what and how I see what her friend is doing. The reason she is against my friend is because he said to her she was in the wrong for what she had done. The reason I'm confused is because after the event mentioned previously she gave up everything she had to be with me. I may of been a bit soft as I saw this as a big step for her. It feels like she can say what she thinks and feels but I can't.
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A
female
reader, Justmy5cents +, writes (21 May 2020):
 of course she's not open to discussing the relationship if that means her being truthful if asked about her actions. Knowing the ins and outs doesn't change the fact that she's done it and still does. Carrying on like an out of control school girl at her age reason enough to give some serious though as to what quality of relationship you want. Storming off not to return for a week because you were not holding her hand enough, this is not the way adults communicate so what happens next time you fail to meet her expectations? She seems like one for the just too hard box. Id give some serious thought to investing my time and effort into someone more suitable. Life is just too darn short not to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2020): Hi
There is an abusive tactic where the abuser starts a row for whatever reason they can find, to give them an excuse to leave the relationship for a little while, so they can go meet up with someone else.
Your girlfriend's behaviour appears to fit this pattern. And when someone checks on their partner's behaviour alluding to cheating, they are usually at fault themselves. This is also an abusive tactic. To throw shade on her own behaviour by accusing you of the exact same thing that she's guilty of.
She is treating you with zero respect. She's supposed to be in a relationship with you, but ends up naked with another man in bed? Regardless of whether they had sex or not, this is crossing a boundary that is not acceptable.
I don't see the point of continuing with this person. Sorry.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (21 May 2020):
The most important aspect of a relationship, the thing that binds a relationship together over all else is trust, if there is no trust then a relationship is doomed to fail.
She was naked in bed with another guy after a drunken night which she claims nothing happened. Unfortunately you will never know what really did happen that night, whether they just drunkenly fell asleep, or had sex all night.
Now she has been texting another guy, who this guy is who knows, could be the guy she slept naked with. who ever it is i would say that she has betrayed your trust on more than one occasion now.
She is obviously up to something as she is blatantly the one in the wrong, but she wants to check your phone and i pad to see what your up to. She could be checking this to see how much you know about what she is up to.
Some people can live like this, personally i would have a hard time with it. The trust barrier has been broken, when ever you have an argument and she storms off and does not come back you are now going to be thinking who is she with.
A relationship where your always looking over your back, worried who she is texting, or who she is with is no fun for anybody.
I would have a long hard think and ask yourself is this relationship really for you.
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A
male
reader, Justryingtohelp +, writes (21 May 2020):
How badly does she need to dis you for you to grow a pair and give her her marching orders bro? She went out with her mate, picked up a guy and ended up naked in bed with him. She messages other guys and ends with kisses. She is behaving like she is single, flaunting it in front of you and asking you what you are going to do about it. Your answer seems to be to just lie there and let her walk all over you.
Are you that desperate for her company that you will let her treat you like this? The more you allow, the more she will do. You need to wake up and see she is taking the proverbial out of you dude.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (21 May 2020):
Naked in bed with a naked guy and nothing happened …. I think the naked with a naked guy is something that happened, are you just brushing off the fact she got naked with somebody because she says "nothing happened" ….. how is that okay if you are in a loving supportive relationship?
Now she is texting a guy and ending those texts with little xx's … what's that all about, do you know this guy, if not is she prepared to introduce the two of you? Is it the same guy she got naked with?
If you can see a pattern emerging in her behaviour where she finds something to get stroppy about and then disappears for a week I think she is trying to get you to a point where you break up with her, so that you are the bad guy in the relationship, not her.
You could suggest some couple counselling to get you both back on track, it might be something she would be willing to try, and it might not.
I hope you can work it out, but from where I'm sitting it doesn't appear hopeful.
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A
male
reader, ArabianNights +, writes (21 May 2020):
How old is this girl, and how long have you been seeing her?
These are hallmark signs of a woman who is not loyal to you. So, as a guy – the situation you describe would be grounds for relationship termination with the girlfriend. Sleeping in the same bed with another guy is NOT acceptable. I don't care if you just downed a whole barrel of Tequila.
The fact that she is checking your phone often means that she has something to hide, and is projecting her insecurities onto you.
Don't let her get too comfortable in your place.
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