A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I need your help. I'm 15 and my girlfriend's 14. We're in the same year and basically the other day we were in my house after school just chilling, we were having one of our fun little arguments but then we started toy fighting and I floored her and she was laughing but she tripped and punched me in the balls (on accident) and I quickly reacted and punched her really hard in the side of her hip. She ran to my room crying and got her stuff. i feel so bad. I've apoligised but shes ignoring me. Every time i try to talk to her she walks away or just blanks me! Was it my fault or hers? What should i do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all your help but i dont agree that i did it purpossley to hurt her. yes i was out of order i shouldnt have hit her,but i did and i regret it i love my girlfriend more than anything and for the ones who were saying our relationship is over ITS NOT were still together and everythings pretty much ok between us it was a split second desicion that i regreted the moment after i did it i would never cause harm or intestionly hurt her on purpose ino im stronger than her and i would never evr hurt her again!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2011): It wouldn't matter if she were your girlfriend or not -- play fighting is play fighting and if there's an accident, you take the pain and laugh it off.It seems to me that you don't get hurt enough. However untrendy the idea, this is one of the good things about team sports. You get hurt, you get up, you don't think anything of it.By being angry or by taking revenge, what message does that send about you as the sort of man your girlfriend might want (and don't kid yourself, even at this age girls are shopping for a man). That during the tough times you might bash her? She doesn't want that, she wants a man that makes the tough times fun. She probably thought you were fun, right up to the point when you showed you were someone who is only fun during the fun times and then is nasty during the nasty times.Even now you are stuffing up. You have done wrong. An immediate and real apology is required. And I don't mean some sooky thing that is all about you. But an apology that you hurt her, an apology that you were angry at her, an explanation that you had not realised your temper and will fix that, and a recognition that she has every right to rethink her relationship, but a hope that she does not.Don't expect the apology to fix things. Because any girl worth having will want to see results, not words. But it is a necessary start.In short, part of growing up is making mistakes. You've made one. The lesson is that it is time to think of yourself as a man rather than as a boy. And to be the best man you can.Part of being the best man you can is to get the correct balance between strength and control. That's why women like those photos of strong arms cradling a newborn baby -- it hints at a perfect balance. A strong man that can be trusted with a precious and fragile thing. A strong man that isn't bottled up anger, but can love a baby and its mother through those first hardest years of a relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (29 May 2011):
 I'm going to talk to you straight, only because at the age of 15, you may yet be malleable enough to let what we're saying to you change you into something better, so listen good:
Never ever forget that you just seriously hurt this girl out of anger. Never forget that one split second of reaction caused you to inflict pain to someone you cherished.
Minalesse hit it on the head. What if you get into an argument with your girlfriend, and it gets intense? What could stop you from striking her in a fit of anger? If you can't control yourself from striking her in anger during a play-fight, what could stop you during a fierce verbal altercation, especially if you're feeling cornered?
And say you don't hit her? Would you punch holes in the wall, break furniture, become destructive? Let's take it up a notch. What if she breaks up with you? Cheats on you? What would your split second reaction be then?
In a sense, this right here should be the biggest, hugest wake up call of your life. You need to devote yourself to learning how to control your temper, especially with someone you love. You have left the world of being a child where you just smack each other, cry to your mom, and she makes you go to your room. You're about the leave the realm of merely getting suspended from school for hitting.
If you allow this thing that causes you to react with violence to remain unchecked, you could end up in jail or worse. You could end up really hurting people you love...or worse.
As others have stated here, your relationship with this girl is over. Sure, you may make up, but it will not be the same. If I were advising her, I'd tell her to get as far away from you as possible.
What happened here was no accident. You didn't get "carried away". You struck her. Had you been older, you'd have been cooling your heels in jail.
You better learn ways to walk away when you get to the point of reaction. You better learn ways to not put yourself in situations where such a reaction is even possible. Learn ways to bring yourself down when you feel the temper rising.
But from now until the day you die, never forget for one second that you lost your temper and struck the girl you cared about most in this world, and devote your life to ensuring that you will never let it happen again.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 May 2011):
 I agree with You Wish. Especially since you KNEW it was an accident.
I hope you learned something and I hope she can forgive you... but lots of apologies are in order and NEVER raise your hand to her again.
Play fighting is done because you guys want to be close to each other physically and don't know how to do it without the excuse of play fighting... maybe next time watch a movie and just cuddle?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): your fault, you never ever hit a girl whatever she does to you. NEVER
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): Do you understand that as a male you are stronger than a female? if a female hits you, it will never be as hard as when a man hits and that's why everyone knows men hitting a woman is wrong.
I think you need some anger classes, if your girlfriend has any sense she will not go back to a boy who will hit her.
Get some help
...............................
A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 It's your fault. It was an accident on her part, you had no right to hit her.
As strontiumdog said. Your relationship is over, things will never be the same. Once one of my boyfriends got angry and THREATENED to hurt me, and THAT ruined everything completely.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 First of all, play-fighting is not " cute ", it's stupid and rude, it may end with someone getting hurt for real,as you have seen, and anyway you are not 3 y.o., you are old enough to know that you only have to fight to defend yourself from a real aggression , and for the rest you respect people's physical boundaries . Go learn boxing in a gym, or martial art in a dojo, if you need to blow off some steam,- and leave the girls alone !
Second,yes it's your fault , she hit you by accident, carried away in the game, and you reacted on purpose and totally out of proportion. I hope she has enough sense to stay away from you , since you display such a dangerous lack of self control. And no, it's not your young age, my son at 15 was 6'1 and 200 pounds , he could have broken in two most of his friends when he got teased or got in an argument, but luckily he knew better .
...............................
A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 It's your fault. You said she punched you by accident, and you, out of anger, hit her hard on purpose.
You are stronger than she is. You hit her with the intention to cause her pain.
There's a reason why you don't hit your girlfriend.
If I were her, I would stay as far away from you as possible. You need to learn to control your anger, because you can actually get thrown in jail for this, it's classified as assault.
...............................
A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 I agree with youwish. Play fighting is one thing, hitting her out of anger is another. I play fight all the time with DH and we have a lot of fun, but he has to be mindful of his strength v. mine. Maybe he has been too aggressive or I have been to aggressive but it has always been in a playing mind set. If I ever hurt him without intention or if he hurts me without intention, we might stop playing and one of us might even feel angry but we never ever hit each other seriously. Even if it was a reaction, you should really try to control those types of reactions. You were hurt physically, but what happens if you are hurt emotionally amid a strong argument? Knowing to stop your hand from moving when you are furious is an important first step!
I really hope you can talk to her and work it out.
Best of lucks!
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 May 2011):
Okay, I disagree that it was nobody's fault here. You two were play fighting. You agree that it was an accident that she punched you in the testicles. You had "floored" her previously, right?
Here's the problem. When you hauled off and punched her "really hard" in the hip, that was not playing. You weren't playing. She had hurt you and in that moment, you wanted to seriously hurt her back worse.
Here's the problem with that. I'm assuming that you've reached puberty by now? You hit much harder than she does, and if you are saying that you hit her "really hard", imagine if young Arnold Schwarzenegger would have socked you in the hip? It would have put a bruise on it, you would have probably been crying.
Bottom line, you hit her too hard, you weren't playing, and you don't know your own strength. Sorry, but play fighting is play fighting.
Now, if she had intentionally punched you in the nuts intending to hurt you, I would have less sympathy for her. But you even said - it was an accident. But what you did was on purpose and intended to cause her serious harm.
I would advise you in the future - if you are lucky enough to have a forgiving girlfriend, do not EVER let any touch of her be anything but a loving touch. Leave the play fighting to the guys who can bang around, get back up, and laugh. Be GENTLE with your girlfriend!
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (28 May 2011):
 well first line of business, just how hard did you hit her when you reacted? i mean, did you flat out sock the hell out of her? or did you just react and kind of hit her, but not too hard? my gut feeling is that you more than likely hit her pretty hard because you were probably over-taken with pain and anger for a brief period. while i do understand your reaction, if you hit her too hard, she may be upset with you because you scared her. and you may have hurt her feelings above all else. because while she accidentally hit you in the balls, you intentionally hit her in the hip. make sense?
if i were you, i would genuitely try and apologize again. see if you can't get her to talk to you face-to-face at school, and deep down say you're sorry and that you were wrong. and that it will never happen again. if she can't accept that, then that's really all you can do. just leave her be. she may just come around on her own eventually.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (28 May 2011):
Hi there. Maybe play fighting is not such a good idea in future. It's inevitable that someone will get hurt.
Find some other way to amuse yourselves - go for a walk, go see a movie.
It's not really anyone's fault individually. You reacted to her action, and that's about it.
She can't be so naive surely, that she thinks her punching you in the testicles didn't hurt. It probably did hurt!
It's possible that she seems to be taking your punching her in the hip, personally.
For now, it might be a good idea to just give each other some space.
When you pass each other in the school grounds, simply smile and say "Hi", and keep walking - don't stop and talk to her.
That way, you are letting her know there are no hard feelings towards her.
As she seems to be the one having the hard feelings towards you, all the more reason to give her some distance.
Don't go around trying to apologise to her continously, that serves no purpose. She already knows you didn't mean it and that it was simply a reaction. Just let it be for now.
Then over time, see how it all pans out.
The main thing is, to give it some time.
...............................
|
