A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,My girlfriend and I of about 3 years just broke up last week on Thursday. She has been separated from her husband for three years(he wasn't happy no more)They are going through a messy divorce. So she is being stressed out with that situation. We broke up because she couldn't find time to see me between her kids, her crazy hours at work, and she gave me an ultimatum to move in with her now or else. She knows why I'm unable to do that right now but she doesn't care. We have been having our ups and downs with these issues for the past couple of months. When she initially told me that she wanted to end our relationship. I said some stuff("I will not ever talk to you again") which may have hurt her. Of course I did not mean what I said. She told me that she truly loves me but it is tough for her.I need to know what I should do? I tried to give her some time to cool off but I ended up texting her today since she is at work? My question is....did I try to contact her to soon? Should have I waited?
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at work, broke up, divorce, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2012): No disrespect. But you all got me mixed up with someone else. My girlfriend only has two kids. I am not married. I own a home and I stay at her house every once in awhile. My girlfriend wants me to move in permanently. I am unable to sell my house or even rent it out right now. So she told me either I figure it out within a couple of months or we need to move on.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 October 2012):
 ...and talking an issue to death, without ever doing anything practical about it, is seldom anything but a total waste of time, whether in person, or by text.
I don't agree with ultimatums either, but, to have issued one, she must be at the end of her rope. Understandable. 3 kids,crazy hours at work, no time for a real couple and family life...she does not need talks, she needs action. Otherwise the relationship is unemanageable and basically,pointless. If you really can't give her what she asks, then you'll have to beg out of the r/ship, I guess.-
You must be the married guy who just posted about this a couple of days ago. You are not convinced yet of a simple fact of life . Stupid women stay forever " engaged " to a taken man, taking the crumbs of his time and presence. Smart women don't.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (23 October 2012):
 I think you did ask this question before.
You should give her space because she sounds stressed out and irritated (thats why she's giving you an ultimatum...because she wants some action but you are just giving words).
Saying hurtful stuff and point scoring is a waste of time and will push her away even more, so if you do this again, she will probably not come back.
If you cannot give her what she wants then the fact you have split is probably a good thing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2012): This post looks like a prior post in which you were still married and you wanted advice on how to reassure her about y'all relationship is that right? If not my apologies!
Honestly, there is too much baggage here. She is going through a divorce, working and raising children. Thats a lot to handle! So for her to ask you to move in is crazy! She hadn't closed one chapter and trying to get to into another is crazy to me! Stay where you are and leave her be and let her life to settle down before you two move forward. Too much in my opinion. Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2012): Well I got a response from her. But she is giving me an ultimatum. It's like she's forcing me. I told her that I prefer to discuss the situation face to face but she wants me to answer through text. I just believe talking about something this important through text is not the best way to resolve a problem.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (23 October 2012):
 She sounds as though she needs space and time for things to settle down. If you are prepared to wait, do so. If you're not happy with the way you left things with her, write her a letter expressing how you feel, and your intention to wait. It then puts the ball in her court (so to speak) she knows where she stands with you, she can relax and get her life into some sort of order. But you won't want to wait around forever - some times it never comes.
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