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Girlfriend moving to Brazil - She says she loves me but I need advice!

Tagged as: Long distance, Love stories<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 October 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 23 November 2010)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I am 27 and have been in a relationship with a 24 year old woman for 3 months. We have done so much together and our relationship has been developing fast. We go on trips together, enjoy the outdoors, and just love being together. She says that she loves me and I love her. She completes me and has told me that I complete her. She will be moving to Brazil in December - she has been studying here in the USA and the program is over. I know she misses her family and friends in Brazil and can't wait to see them. Up until last week she said she definitely coming back and wants to live here and raise a family here. This past week she has become distant from me and has told me she is not sure what she will want until she goes back to Brazil. She said that she loves me and she told me she wants to be in a relationship with me. I trust her - but this past week it seems as if she is trying to distance herself from me. She used to text me during the day and would do anything to see me. Now i don't hear much from her during the day. What do I do at this point? I love her and want to be with her and know she does too. Is it possible to have a long distance relationship for awhile - I plan on going down there in February and May. I support her and I just want her to be happy.

View related questions: long distance, text

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010):

Me too, now i am studying in new zealand and i met the brazilian girl.She was my classmate and the girl of my dream.She come here for 5 months. Because of my english is not good so i didnt talk much with her. I really want to tell her that i like her sine the first time i saw her, but it was too late for me because now she gone back to brazil. And i lost the last chance. i just want to let you know that you should hurry to go and live with her if possible or you+will+lost+your+last+chance.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010):

I disagree with some of these comments. I am Brazilian and my husband is German, we dated long distance and we married last year. He moved from Germany to the US for me (i lived in FL), we now live in Dallas and moving together to Brazil. Long distance works, but you both have to believe in it, and you have to see each other monthly if possible, no matter the cost. Otherwise consider going with her and come back later if it doesn't work out. Life is a journey and I guarantee you, this would be a decision you wont regret even if it doesn't work out later.

We are "mentors" for a lot of long dist relationships of friends we have, the only reason it doesn't work out is b/c of jealousy (like this retarded person's comments above trying to make you suspicious) and lack of motivation to be together. If you want it, it will work out.

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A male reader, the_phoenic United Kingdom +, writes (27 October 2010):

the problem isnt realy about her moving abroad

but the problem is her sudden changing in behaviour towards you..

if a women texts you and calls you every day

and suddenly becomes cold and distant

mean's either she is passing some serious trouble in her life, or she is attracted to someone else

so, it is better for you to confront her about your feelings

and make the picture clear for both of you

and never waste your time with someone who doesnt love you

or someone who is attracted to someone else

Good luck

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A female reader, starfairy United Kingdom +, writes (27 October 2010):

starfairy agony auntI don't think it is a case of her not loving you enough to stay...She is still young, and to be a long way away from her family must be a big deal for her. It would be hard for her to uproot and adjust to a life without her family in a foreign country (I know she's been studying there, but it probably would never feel like "home" to her).

I can totally understand how you feel about each other, as my boyfriend and I were completely head over heels by 2/3 months, and I couldn't have imagined being without him either. But I can understand why she might be distancing herself from you, even if unintentionally, because neither of you will know how you will feel a month, 2 months, or 6 months after she goes. I think you should give it a go, and I hope she doesn't distance herself or push you away just because she thinks it won't work, it would be a shame to not even give it a go. You might find absence makes the heart grow fonder, or it could be out of sight out of mind. You need to go with the flow I think, don't spend your last few months together fretting about what if, enjoy yourselves and give yourself a few months to look back on and smile, whether it be at your ruby wedding anniversary, or a memory of a fab fling with a hot Brazillian chick :)

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (27 October 2010):

Danielepew agony auntShe was in the United States as a student, but her life is in Brazil. Now she's going back, and she's right in saying that she won't know what to do until she's back there. That means she might find that keeping a relationship with you is not the right thing to do.

But, let's look at this from your angle. What are your plans? She's going to Brazil and you might go there for a while in February, and then be gone March and April, and return in May, and then nothing. And this, while she has made no promises and has even sort of warned you that she might decide not to be with you.

Sometimes a person does one thing and he or she wins you with that small thing because it's very revealing of who that person is. But, I wonder if these three months have been enough for you to decide to change your life and move to Brazil, for example. They certainly haven't been enough to make her stay in the United States. Again, it does not bode well.

If she were really, really in love with you, she just wouldn't leave.

I think you should let her go.

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