A
female
age
41-50,
*ifeyindistress
writes:Hi I am a Wifey in distress. I don't think my husband is in love with me whats worse is I think he is being unfaithful. We have been together since we were 14 ( I know right) we are now 29, we have 4 kids and we are busy people. He used to be affectionate, and just involved with me. Now he never tells me he loves me unless I initiate the I love you,I make time to go out on a date, or go have lunch at the park, but there is always an excuse he has. He never wants to do anything with me or go anywhere. He has been unfaithful before, but I love him and forgave him. I know he's tired he works 7 days a week, but I myself am busy and I am sick I have Lupus. I just don't know if it is worth it anymore, I try to tell him how I feel and he just gets defensive and tells me to be quiet or he gets really mean and mouthy. He checks out girls infront of me and in his phone he has those pics that guys send of naked chics but does not have a single pic of me? He works out alot and I could say lets go to lunch or start a makeout session and he will be like I have to go to the gym or go for a run, on his priority list I don't feel like I even exist on the list. As for intimacy there is none unless I initiate it. I need advice am I asking for too much, should I work it out with him or just throw in the towel?
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female
reader, Sravs  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 You are not asking too much... It is your minimum expectation as a wife. Most of the gents after few years of marriege forget about wife's interest. They have execuses for the ignorance. You are doing your best. But he is not in a situation to understand your feelings. Your mistake is there either. I mean to say, till now though he dont bother about the family you thought that he is busy with his work. Now a days you are asking him to show his live on you. It is difficult to him at this point of time. Men wont have the same attraction what they have with a woman in the first. It takes time. I think better to take councelling to fill the gap.If he wont agree for the councelling go in a reverse gare. You stop showing your affection towards him. Stop cooking for him. Leave child's care also on him. Let him lookafter the family. You just be confident and observe the things.According to his response take a wise decision.I think any of these ideas will help you.
A
female
reader, Wifeyindistress +, writes (28 October 2010):
Wifeyindistress is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for the advice. We are supposed to go out shopping for xmas and I am going to try to talk to him about all our issues. Usually he'll tell me they are all my issues and that he does love me but that I am a nag? All I ever ask for is atleast tell me you love me once in awhile and act like your'e involved with me. One question could he be pulling away because I am sick and only getting worse? When I am in pain or talk about the doc or how I feel he ignores me or changes the subject? I don't know if its because he's scared or because he just doesn't care anymore? Our oldest child has so much resentment towards him she has seen how he treats me and she hates him for that and I don't want her to hate him??
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): Don't throw in the towel until you figure out what is really going on, has been going on, as best you can.Try to get counseling together, in order to at least understand what happened.Frankly, he sounds like a jerk, but that is a simplistic view and one sided as well.You may be surprised if you can get into counseling...I know I was...shocked actually.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (27 October 2010):
 At the moment you are doing all the trying and he is not doing anything. It kind of sounds like he has checked out of the marriage completely. Perhaps you could ask him straight out if he wants out of this marriage because you feel the distance between the two of you. Don't get sucked in to the defensive hostile attitude. The majority of people who behave like this do in fact have something to hide. Don't throw in the towel until you get him to fess up why he has checked out.
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