A
male
age
41-50,
*ebbmeister
writes:I have been with my girlfriend for almost 3 years now. Things have had their ups and downs and we have had more than our fair share of major rows and the like. The problem is my girlfriend is extremely insecure and always thinks I am looking at other girls. Although I deny this to her, I can’t lie to you and say that I don’t sometimes look at other women. As a man I think this is part of our genetic makeup that if we see an attractive woman we look; I certainly don’t openly ogle other women though. I feel she is constantly scrutinizing me when an attractive woman is around to see if I am going to look at her and it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. It has got to a point now that if an attractive woman is around I look the opposite way or at the ground or something.It’s all kind of coming to a crux now because there is a night out organised by work that includes partners and frankly I either want to go alone or not go, because I can’t take the stress of her saying that I was looking at somebody funny or talking to someone too long. I am afraid she will get the face on at the do and embarrass her and me. If I mention that I am worried about her coming on this works do, she will immediately think I am hiding something, which I am not.Is this normal stuff in a relationship? Or am I a mug for putting up with it?
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female
reader, pumkin221  +, writes (10 June 2007):
i go through the ssame thing with my man, its not about being insecure its the fact that some of you guys cant even spear us women one look, meaning do not do it while i am with you. If i am so pretty and everything you want why spoil our moment and look at someone else besides you can look when shes not around. Some of you guys have no control over your own eyes. Also by looking if the other women notices that gives the other women power if she notices and some women will flirt back.. We are not insecure we just love what we have. Why do you guys also come up with the same ol your insecure. Take her, if you love her deal with it see how you feel when other guys come around and she looks.
A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (10 June 2007):
 Hey dont go over the top and try and shout it into her that you are gona do sumfin cos wots goin thru her head is *you imagining having sex with this other prettier woman* and that is a horrible thaught that is why she feel so much like this. just sit down wiv her n cuddle her tellin er how much u like her n she is all u want.. dont get into an argument and if an argument starts up cuddle her or hold her hand and without reacting to another argument instead of sayin sumfin mean back just say calmly i love you or sumfin along the lines. this helps me and my b~f hope i helped x x x mail me if u wwana talk
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (10 June 2007):
 Just coz you look at other girls, doesn't mean that you are gonna do anything with them!
She seems very insecure.
I mean, if she saw a guy that was good looking, she would look at him but it wouldn't mean anything. In the same way you would if you saw an attractive girl.
Just tell her not to worry. It's a thing EVERYONE does, girls and guys. Tell her that she makes you happy so it's really unlikely that you would leave her for someone you just looked at!!!
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A
female
reader, chrissy32789 +, writes (10 June 2007):
 Everybody looks at other people, females look at guys and the guys look at the females, i am married and i do not mind my husband looking at other females because i feel as long as he is comming home to me what is a look going to do, yeah she maybe prettier then me but you have to have trust in someone, you should try to talk to her about this and ask her if she looks at other men and if she tells you no she is lien cause im sure 99.9% of people look at oppisite sex, but it is definatly not normal stuff in a relationship, good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2007): Often men hide behind the excuse that looking at other women is "natural" and "hardwired" the truth is- women want to be the ONLY one you think of- and they want you to show that to them.There are men out there who think only of their woman, and no one else. It takes great work and dedication- but that is probably one of the things that women want the most. To be admired by one and only. All too often this is overridden by porno magazines and airbrushed, impossibly perfect models and such. In all actuality, many books have been written on men's highered and sometimes impossible expectations for women, (leading them to always look for better....) While it is understandable that men are possibly, more physical, this shouldn't down their judgement of appreciating a woman. If anything, you should deffinately communicate with your girlfriend, tell her everything plain and simply and let her know first off that the last thing in the world you want is to hurt her feelings but you are uncertain about inviting her along to your night out because you have fears of insecurity clouding up any enjoyment the BOTH of you would have. Just a reminder- do not make this an issue about her or you- but emphasize that it is about you both both is the key word. Let her know that you want to enjoy the night with her and you have fears that her insecurities would keep her from enjoying a good night out with you. Try to keep that perspecitve instead of "Your insecurities are making me not like you..."- that is the wrong way to go. Try to focus on what you can both do to the problem. Admit any fault and she will as well, hopefully this will help you both bond and increase confidence.Good luck have fun.
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