A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in love with my best friend....Ok so my best friend in the entire world means everything to me. We have been through a lot together. He is the only person who can make me laugh and smile no matter what I am feeling. I have fallen head over hells in love with him. The problem is he is married. I hate his wife and I know he isnt happy. I told him how I felt because I thought it was only fair that he knew. He told me he felt the same way about me and that just makes it all the harder. He is the kind of person who would never hurt another person if he tried. So I know even though he isnt happy he wouldn't leave her for me or anyone else or even for himself. I have become so attatched to the thought of us being more than just friends, especially after he told me if it wasnt for his wife he would ask me to marry him, I dont know if I can just be his friend. What should I do?
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (11 June 2007):
 Get out of his life now, unless you are willing to accept the boundaries that are set for this relationship between you and the married guy.
You say you would never go beyond talking in your response but I think you do not yet realize how precariously close you are to edge of the abyss. "I hate his wife", "I know he isn't happy" are the words of someone who wants to torpedo another man's marriage.
Every meeting with him is a test of temptation for you. You probably can't get him out of your mind these days and can't wait to see him again. This is obsession and you view your life through the lens of that obsession.
If you can't put aside the obsession, you cannot hope to have a healthy friendship with the married guy. Your inner voice tells you what you need to do. Now act on it. Good luck and take care.
A
female
reader, pumkin221 +, writes (10 June 2007):
You should distance yourself. How could someone be proud of that response when hesssssssssss married bottom line.. How do you know he wont feel the same way about you if you were to get married
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2007): NEVER date a married man or a 'seperated' man- both these terms mean " I am emotionally unavailable and not willing to give my all to you..." Try to find someone who is single like you, and if you have to... divored.. But please stay out of the married or 'seperated' zone- all too often men will lie so that they can get what they want from each woman respectivly e.g- uses you for thrills, goes home and has his wife make him dinner... you dont want to be a part of that game? Get yourself some respect and find someone AVAILABLE. Good luck I know you are worth more than that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice Chrissy and dont worry we have talked about being together but nothing has gone on between us other than talking. I would never go beyond that being as he is married.
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A
female
reader, chrissy32789 +, writes (10 June 2007):
 you need to back away from him for a while and let your feelings go away he is married even though he may not be happy but its the fact that he is married and him messing around with you can get him adultry and other things, so you should wait intil he leaves his wife and then try it...and an other thing, you guys have been friends so long and alot of things have been shared between you to and sometimes you get feelings for your best friend but then when you get together things change you wont see him the same way you do now and there will be a time you fight and you may break up but then you dont just lose a boyfriend but you lose your best friend and it wont be the same! so thank about it carefully on what you want to do but while he is with his wife just leave him alone and stay friends.
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