A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Recently, I posted an a thread about me and my ex having some issues with other people in our relationship.This is the last post I wrote..Okay so, me and my girlfriend got back together after a 1 month split up and we are doing great. Before the split up we been together for like over 3 years. Anyway, when we got back together we wanted to start off new. But now I'm concerned with something. I do not want to sound controlling or anything but I've noticed that last week my gf talks to her male friend at 1AM in the morning until like 3 or 4AM at night. I told her I was really uncomfortable with this and she said she understands because I explained to her that if it was in reverse how would she feel and she said she would feel the same way. So I thought she would stop and now I noticed last night (5 days later) that she talked to him for another 3 1/2 hours again last night after we got off the phone at 1AM. I asked her whats up and told her I was uncomfortable with this and she said that he is going through some issues. But when she talked with him 5 days before that for 3 hours he wasn't. She says he works late at night, so she can't talk to him throughout the day.She also says that he is a close family friend (her cousin's best friend), has a lot of female friends and a girlfriend. If that is so, why doesn't he call his gf when he gets off of work late at night? Or his other female friends? And if I told my girlfriend I was uncomfortable with those late night calls and she still called or accepted to talk to him that late how should I react to this? Am I wrong for feeling like this? Or is it just to feel this way? That she didn't consider how I felt about this.***P.O.I. she talked to him like 5 days ago for over 3 hours and since I told her how I felt, she stopped talking to him on the phone during those hours, but texed him and talked occasionally to him during some days of the week, when he was off of work. But now last night she talked to him again for over 3 hours from like 12AM or 1AM to 4AM***--quick overviewNOW, since then me and my girlfriend decided to take things a little slower and just start as friends again because we still want to be togther but this is just too much. We are technically still looking to be together, we are just taking it extremely slow. She told me before we made this decision that she would stop talking to the guy so late if it truly bothers me and she sorry for not listening the first time. She said she wants to be in our relationship mentally and I agreed. So later on that night she text me after she finished studying and told me she was really tired, so she fell asleep while texting me. Now the next day when I get up I check my cell phone lines to see if she still talked to the guy even after we decided to take it slow and she took his call at 3AM in the morning for about 2 hours. How should I take this?**NEW**I finally told her I've had enough, I did everything I could possibly do ...said I could be there to love and support her and etc. And I told her that she is breaking my heart and goodbye. I hung up and right after that she called me 5 times and left 3 texts saying to call her back, she is "SOO SORRY" and that she wants me in her life and doesn't want me to leave her because she wants to be with me. She said sshe can't live without me and she loves me more than I could know. I never picked up the phone, but what should I do? I gave her 3 chances and shes failed each one of them. But I fianlly put my foot down and did what I had to do. So should I give her a real chance? Or what? What other methods could I go about this?
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best friend, cousin, got back together, my ex, split up, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys new update
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-girlfriend-is-begging-me-to-give-her.html
A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (1 April 2010):
 Agreed she is not a good girlfriend and she doesn't seem to care. Just takes some people a bit more to move on. And maybe getting lied to once again he won't believe her fake tears and "I love you sooo much" bs next time around.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): You gave her a real chance 3 in fact. She obviously doesn't respect you or how you feel about this, but if you want to give her a fourth shot I agree with aliyahnangelo she needs to decide who's more important you or him!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): Wear a rubber every single time until the drama is over.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (31 March 2010):
3 chances is too much. There are better women out there who only need one chance because they get it right and don't screw up. I'm with g1605. You gave her one extra chance. That was enough. She WILL do it again, because she already has done it again and again. She has lied several times. You don't know how far this has gone. And both men and woman can suddenly start crying and say that they 'can't live without you' any time they like to play you. You gave her enough chances. Don't be used. There are better women elsewhere.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (31 March 2010):
He checks the phone bills to see who she talks to. That's how he found out the other times. I was just saying if he has any doubts he is going to try again... No matter who tells him otherwise. And that should be the absolute last time.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (31 March 2010):
Definitely don't ask for a break! If this guy is so heavily in to her life already, you will be almost certainly offering her in to his arms.
I think the core of this problem is that you don't actually know WHY she is spending so much time talking to this guy. Either she is not being honest with you, or she is not being open in what she is missing from your relationship. What you need to do is find out what she is getting from this other guy, as it seems to me she is not doing it to simply help him out.
Personally I think her behaviour is bad and suspicious, and you've given her plenty of opportunity to sort it out, but she hasn't. Be careful that you could end up being really hurt!
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (31 March 2010):
I would continue to ignore her for a little bit. A couple days. See if she continues to talk to that guy every night. Then maybe if you still really care just text her and say "I wanted to give you a chance, see if you would actually stop talking to him for me. You couldn't do it though." See what her response is. If she will actually say she will ignore him this time for real. Then you can probably give her one last shot. But if she lies again you are done, for good, forever. She may just be scared to lose you completely until she knows the other guy is a sure thing... So she will hang on. Does she have a fear of being alone? It's hard to ignore someone when they are saying they love you etc. That's why I say try one more time. It's nearly impossible to just ignore someone when you have a doubt she may change. After being lied to again though, after telling her it was the last try, you should be able to move on and have closure. She can't care but so much since you weren't worth ignoring a guy for. I'm just scared she would find another way to talk to him behind your back... And you might worry too. That's what mistrust does to you. But there is only so much a person can take and only you know how much that is for you. I'd wait a couple days, cool down, then talk to her about it and ask her if she will really stop this time- if yes then last try. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, aliyahnangelo +, writes (31 March 2010):
 Well i can see both points of view. I have ex's that i was friends with before I ever dated them and i still kept in touch with them before me and my fiancee became serious. It bothered him and made him think that i wasn't satisfied with him. that wasn't it at all. Thses guys were in my life as friends for a long time and i care for them as friends and nothing more. but it bothered him so much that i ended up cutting all ties with all of them. It bothers me but if i'm gonna spend the rest of my life with someone u have to make sacrifices and realize who really is more important. i chose my fiancee. Which if she really wants to hang out with u then she would stop or at least tone it down a great deal. If she wasn't willing to do so then maybe she still has feelings for the guy and is torn between the 2 of you. i don't doubt that she cares about u but she needs to put in a lot more effort at respecting your feelings. If u want to give her another chance i think it might be a good thing. but u have to have a calm discussion with her about her intentions with this other guy and tell her to be truthful and tell her if she can't respect u, then u have no choice then to get her out of ur life because she keeps hurting you so badly. Ask her who is more important to her, you or him?
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (31 March 2010):
tell her you want a month break. In that month if she keeps talking to him this much then move on. If she improves then maybe give her another chance. Dont take her back immediately or else she will never learn to respect your boundaries.
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