A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:How can I boost my girlfriend's self confidence? We have been together for three years and over time she has gained some weight. She is still as beautiful as ever but she is really down about the weight. I keep telling her she is perfect but she says that in my eyes she will always be beautiful because I love her. she says that she is not happy with her looks and this makes her feel unattractive, which in turn has begun to affect our sex life. Please give me ideas to boost her self esteem.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 April 2012):
 you can't boost her SELF-esteem... it's called SELF esteem for a reason.
she's not happy with her weight but she had to do something about it.
all you can say is "yes you have gained weight, yes I notice it and NO it doesn't bother me"
do NOT lie to her about it... she's not stupid.
I've gained weight... I know it and I see it and I'm not happy but my fiance loves it... he pats on my fat belly all the time and sounds like homer simpson about donuts "ymmmmmmmmmm belly"... ugh I hate it... so I have to accept that it's JUST me that hates my weight... and that's hard... I push his hands away and say "don't touch my fat"
and he laughs... he loves it way more than I do.
so all you can do is tell her the truth and let her see that at least YOU love her enough even if she doesn't love her self.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2012): You can't do more than what you've already done. She has to take steps to build her self esteem. You shouldn't coddle her or go out of your way to compliment her cos that's gonna make her think you're insincere. Just treat her like normal. Yes I know you want to rush along her self esteem building because the sex is being affected. You're just going to have to wait for her to do whatever she needs to gain self confidence and in the meantime just accept the reduced sex. Relationships take compromise and right now she's going through a rough time but this is a journey only she can travel.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (10 April 2012):
 You know, pal? Why don't you ask her to lose weight instead of complain? Of course you won't say it that directly. Something like "See, you can do this to feel better". Only make her responsible for losing her weight if that is what she wants.
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A
female
reader, jewlstep4174 +, writes (10 April 2012):
 you are doing what you can and saying the right things, but for her , she just thinks , oh its my boyfriend, of course he is going to say those things. But she doesnt believe them. She needs to feel better about herself and boost her own self confidence. I am one of those women, I dont believe anyone that compliments me either. The only thing that helped me was getting a gym membership, started going to the gym, lost 20 lbs, even though I have about 30-40 lbs to go , my self esteem is alot higher than it was. if you just come out and say , hey join the gym or something like that , it may make her feel worse. So maybe take walks more often that you guys usually do, join the Y and say you want to swim. start getting active. I joined weight watchers on line and its absolutely great and maybe when she is ready, she'd be willing to try something like that, Even if she lost 5 or 10 lbs , it does to wonders to your self confidence. And you keep complimenting her, dont ever stop doing that. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (10 April 2012):
 SHE doesn't think she is sexy because of her weight. Until she reaches her target goal, she will not feel differently. Instead of giving her compliments, you should work on a plan to get her to loose weight. Offer to go work out with her, help her eat healthier, and help her prepare a real goal setting work out where she can finally do something to get her body at her weight goal.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (10 April 2012):
Sorry, you can't. She has chosen to feel ugly. Maybe if you told her so? Something like "Hey, I find you hot, but you want to wallow in self-pity and now that means I'm not getting any".
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