A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hiya, hope you can help me cos I am torn here...I have been with my fella for 9 months, very happy togeether and planning our future together. However, he has 2 wonderful children who I adore and they like me. However his ex is tearing me apart. Every time we go out, I always get abused from her through facebook. However, today it has gone to far..she told her 3 year old that "she wouldn't be her mummy if she was friends with me" and that she is "going to smack" her 8 year old for talking to me. I can't understand it because his ex has a fella and they always do things together. What ammoys me a little aswell is that my fella stands up for his kids, but tonight never mentioned me or stuck up for me especially when she called me a "stupid fucking slag" (when I met him, they had been broke up for 3 years). Torn because she is poisening those children against me, arguments happen each time and I know if I left, he wouldn't get the grief. I volunteer with children centre and work with kids, so I know how to play this..I always ignore her messages and tell my fella, but tomorrow it will all be ok again with them.Please help x
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broke up, facebook, his ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 April 2012):
 1. BLOCK her on facebook.. then she can’t see ANYTHING about you and YOU can’t see her.
Problem 1 solved.
2. As for the abuse she is heaping on her children, your boyfriend has to deal with that. He may require an attorney and a court intervention but what she is doing is very very wrong and sadly the children will suffer… in the long run the kids will grow and mature and learn that MOM is whacked.
His ex has serious issues and her mental health sounds questionable. Perhaps dad can get custody.
As for not defending you to her... he's taking the higher ground and ignoring the trash that spews from her mouth and that's a good thing... DO NOT FEED her need.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 April 2012):
 If he can't won't step up for you I would not stay. Does he think you should just stay with him and take the abuse from the ex? Over and over?
Have you sat him down and ASKED him how you are supposed to deal with her?
As for the Facebook.. WHY do you even read her page?
Personally, I'd be out of there. When I married my husband I thought it wasn't a bad thing that he had a lot more baggage then me including and ex wife and ex-gf, who both have children by him. But honestly there are times I wish I hadn't been so naive back then, because the YEARS of drama those two women created was just so over the top and honestly, not something I would EVER do again if I could choose a "do-over".
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2012): Your boyfriend needs to be your Ex. Yes it means his Ex would have won but until he grows a pair and stands up to her you are on your own with this problem. The children will grow up to be confused and more, nothing but tools in the middle, because of her being jealous and vindictive and him being a wuss.
Do you really need to be in the middle of their battles?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2012): His ex is a horrible b!#$%. And he is allowing it. I would say that if your man wont stand up for you he shouldn't be your man anymore. Its unfair and hurtful to you and to his kids. By allowingbthe ex to do this he's denying his kids a loving relationship with another adult who cares about them. He's also allowing them to grow up with some distorted thinking about family relationships. By keeping quiet he is colluding with her toxic behavior and handing her the power to control everyone. I would advise that you tell him this relationship is on hold until he starts protecting it.
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A
female
reader, jewlstep4174 +, writes (10 April 2012):
 Your boyfriend needs to step up and talk to this ex of his and make it clear that saying these things to their small kids is not acceptable and is just absolutely horrible. This ex is obviously still hung up on your boyfriend whether she has someone or not and cant get over that he has moved on and is happy with someone else other than her. Oh she can move on and thats fine, but him possibly being happy definitely doesnt sit well with her, I think you should keep it cool and leave it to your boyfriend to take care of this horribly jealous ex. Luckily these kids are young!!
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