A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it ok for my girlfriend to get some single dudes phone number at a bar?My GF went out with her single girlfriend last night an they were approached by two single guys. Apparently, these guys sat there and hung out with them until close. My GF said she told the guy who was hitting on her that she had a a boyfriend but the other dude wanted to stick around to make a play on her single friend. Well according to my GF, she wanted to leave and her friend did not (the bar was closing) My GF said she was trying to get her friend to leave but her friend wanted to stay with the guy who was hitting on her. When my GF was telling me this story in the car after leaving the bar, she was playing it off like she was concerned about her friend, which I can understand. I asked my GF how long did yall sit there and hang with these guys and she said about an hour. I asked her did he ask you for your phone number, and she she asked him for his because she wanted to have someone to contact in case her friend came up missing. I asked my GF when she was tellin me this story last night that if she was so concerned just call her friend and see if she is ok. She got off the phne with me and tried to call her and said she got no answer. So she calls me back and i tell her to try and call the dudes number she got ( the dude who was hitting on my GF). She said no, hes probably not with her friend and the guy who was making the play. My question to her was why didn't she get the other guys digits who was trying to take her friend home? Why did she need to get the guys number who was hitting on her if she wasnt going to use it? She said i dont know. Well, when i called her this morning and asked her if she had heard from her freind, her answer was very short. "yea, she didn't go home with him." No other explanation. Its almost like she didnt want to talk about itAnother thing,About 15 minutes before I called her last night, I txted her and she didn't respond to my text. But when I called her she answered and frantically started telling me this story. The whole story and timeliness of what happened didn't match up really but then again, she was drunk And i think that when i texted, she decided she would take off and call me in the car. Anyway, I guess my question is what are the boundaries of passing digits when you are in a relationship? Furthermore, how do women handle these situations while hanging with single friends when guys come making a play. I can tell you I would not ask a girl who was hitting on me for her phone number because I dont need it, I am in a relationship. Also, if i told a girl I had a GF, usually that creates a somehwat awkward feeling and we dont usually sit around and bullshit.What hads to this all is that we are in a long distant relationship. We have been fro about 2 years but i am moving down there in 2 months. We have had a great relationship except for the last several months she has been a little distant with me on the phone. I see her about once every three to 4 weeks fro 4 days at a time and we talk on the phone once or twice a day.I know this may sound paranoid butone of my friends thinks that she may have told me that story so that she could tell me kind of a half-truth rather than nothing at all. Is it appropriate for a girl in a relationship to get digits from some random dude? I am worried about her intentions in doing that. Im just not sure I believe her reasoning for getting the phone number and for all I know, they could have exchanged numbers.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): Well I suppose it does make sense in some ways. My wife has in the past taken people's (girls and guys) numbers when someone leaves their group to go somewhere with unknown people ... just to be safe... So if you wife told me this story I'd definitely believe her.
But on the other hand you know your girlfriend best and know what sort of social dynamic she has with her group. And I have to admit some parts of the story does sound a little fishy...
Personally I would never take a single woman's number in a bar or similar. I did once (just to be polite, I had no intention what so ever to call her) but when the wife was doing the laundry a few days later she found it. I was actually stood next to her helping her fold some stuff when she pulled it out. Haha I must have looked like a deer in the headlights because I knew what she'd automatically assume. Long story cut short she basically tore me a new one and these days I run screaming for the hills if any woman tries to give me her phone number in a flirty manner. Whipped? Me? Nooo...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate all the insights. I am not a possesive person. I am a bit jealous of her time or a better adjective woulfd be envious. BUt we both miss each other I presume.
I dont agree with going out a stock piling numbers "in case" you situation doesn't work out though. When I am in a committed relationship, Im committed. I focus on making that relationship better and not pkanning fro the worse. Also, if that realtioship fails, I have pleanty of freind i can fall back on and do not need backup plans of randoms from a bar. I bleive that when you do this, you already have one foot on the grave in your relatioship. Besides, I cant really imagine being with anyone else and wont unless this one fails. I am 35 years old and have tried it both ways.
I do agree that she should have asked for the guys number whom was hitting on her freind. o me, it sounds like her story about getting this other guys number is a frase. But I am going to let it go for now. I cant prove her reasoning or what was going on in her head. When i spoke to her this afternoon, she did tell me that the guys were fun abd after she stated she had a BF, the conversation with the wingman was just normal convo. Once again, I cant prove this and if she is telling half-truths, which I belive she is, I cant prove it so its not worth the trouble. Shes had a lot of time to get her story straigh today.
I preface this by saying i fiemly belive that every relationship is unique and those in it can behave as is acceptable to there situation. Also, I have no problem with people in relationships doing a a little harmless flirting. I also understand since my GF is beautiful woman, she will get hit on. I actually enjoy watching it happen when I am with her. It makes me very proud and Im sure it makes her feel good. I get hit on and it in no way strays me from my commitment to her. It happens to everyone. it cant be helped. But I have decided that the exchanging of numbers with a guy who is hitting on her is not cool. To me, it means she is doing what once poster suggested, keeping her options open. When two people are in love, that should not need to happen. If she wants to keep her options open at this point in our relationship, she can go ahead start exploring those OTHER options.
Anyway, Thank yo all for you comments. At the very least, its nice to have an objective place to vent and seek opinions. thank you
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (13 September 2010):
 Normally I would say it's not appropriate for a woman to take a guy's number or keep it but maybe she was worried enough about her friend, and thought it might be a link she could pass to the police if her friend turned up missing. I agree her story is a little fishy and all I can say about that is keep an eye on her behavior for awhile. Especially after you move down there. Her trips out with the girls should greatly decrease.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): I am in a relationship (3 years) but not married. When I go out drinking with single friends I get flirty with randoms too. Telling guys you have a boyfriend usually doesn't stop them. You two are not married. She should be allowed to test the waters at this point. By that I don't mean sleep with other guys, but I do mean talk to other guys while she is out to make sure that you are the one for her before you take the big leap. If I am talking to a guy and he asks for MY number, I usually suggest that I take HIS instead. That way he can't call me, but he stops harassing me for mine. Usually, I never use the number but keep it in my phone for a few months in case my boyfriend and I break up. (Learned from the past not to put all my eggs in one basket. Actually I met my current boyfriend this way. Didn't have any contact with him after the night we met until the guy I was seeing at the time and I split up. Then I felt lonely one day, saw his number in my phone, called and asked him out.)I know it sounds aweful, but I really don't think it is. This is how I feel about people who are boyfriend/girlfriend or dating only. Once you are married, you lose the option of testing the waters as you have made a lifelong commitment.
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A
male
reader, Universe Man +, writes (12 September 2010):
You're asking us what's "appropriate" or "ok" even though the only person who can determine those things is you. Some guys are okay with their girl sticking her tongue down a random guys throat... other guys are not okay with their girl merely saying "hello" to another guy.
But paranoia, jealousy, possessiveness, clinginess, etc. all go hand-in-hand and are generally not attractive qualities. A man who is secure in the knowledge that he is a catch and who knows that if his girlfriend ever screws up, it's her loss, will tend to have a girlfriend who will not screw up. Be a little more independent and I bet she'll be a lot less distant.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (12 September 2010):
 No it's not ok..Few things I'm concerned about, why didn't her single friend ask another single friend to go out to the bar and be her wing woman? They were both drunk. Even if she told this guy she was in a relationship that doesn't stop a lot of guys. Hell, when I went out to the bar engaged, a rock on my finger didn't stop this guy from shoving his number into my little bit of cleavage. My best friend dug it out and threw the folded up paper at his face. Next, her best friend is a grown woman and if she chooses to go home with that man that's her business. Your girlfriend has her friend's number, the only other number she would need would be from the guy was trying to score with her friend. The wingman(dude hitting on your girlfriend) isn't going home with his friend unless they're going to have a threesome. Doubtful. You have your answer she didn't need the wingman's number, and she doesn't know why she obtained it. This sounds like a half ass story she was trying to come up with real quick. I was also going to ask you if she came home to you that night, but seeing as this is a LDR that's a no. So my next question would be did she call you when she was home safely in bed seeing as she was driving while inebriated?
Honestly, I'm not buying her story. When you get a guy's number it's to call them and to see what's up where this could go...then again maybe she was being too flirty while she was drunk got his number, texted him, and then felt like she had to half tell the truth because she felt guilty, woke up the next morning and wanted to put it behind her. Now, if she didn't call you when she was home safe then I would be concerned if she met up with him afterwards. It's possible to be put in that situation and be friendly with that wingman but nothing more, no flirting and definitely not asking for his number. There's really no telling the truth here, but her story is off. You're most not likely going to get the truth out of her which is a shame you have to have trust, especially in a LDR. I would rethink moving down there in 2 months.
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A
female
reader, LiveAnnLearn  +, writes (12 September 2010):
 First thing that crossed my mind while I was reading this was that they probably exchanged numbers, seems like everything she said doesn't make much sense but still let's focus on the good points-she confessed pretty much everything that was going on to you even though she didn't have to-even though she may seem a bit distant on the phone you still talk to each other at least once a day-you're moving over there in 2 monthsjudging by everything you wrote I'd say your relationship is doing pretty well at the moment and I see no point in accusing her of taking this guy's number (in case you intended to) - it's not like she cheated you or anything, plus there's a big chance that she was tipsy, her friend was having so much fun and she just played along and exchanged phone numbers with him, it can but really doesn't have to mean a thing.Being in a long distant relationship I don't think you can even properly act on this, I mean what can you do, get into an argument over the phone, so I think you might want to let it go for now and ask her for a bit longer explanation of what happened next time you see her in person... Good luck.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (12 September 2010):
 If i were you, i would just ask her to delete this guys number and move on from it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): I would be jealous if my BF got a girl's number for any reason other than work related and even then, if it was some slutty person I would not like it at all.
BUT, the part about having a number in case her friend came up missing was a very good idea. I never thought of that and it's a good idea--could be the only lead the police would have to begin a search if something horrible did happen.
I don't know if she's lying or not, but I'm glad you're moving nearby soon--just in case. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, ailemaaax  +, writes (12 September 2010):
I'm going to go ahead and say it's not appropriate for a girl (or guy) to get anybody's number for any reason while they are in a relationship. It sounds to me like she's playing at the "wingman" -- just hanging in there for her friend, and there is nothing wrong with that. But, I myself have been in similar situations and should a guy ask for my number, the answer would always be "sorry, I have a boyfriend", no matter what the guys argument is for me to hand over my digits.Think of it this way: how would your girlfriend feel if you got some girls number, "for your mate"? Would she trust you? Would she be fine with it? Chances are, if she would be okay with you doing the same thing, then she was probably being honest and just getting the number for her friend, not really realizing how much it was going to offend you. But, coupled with her recent distantness, I'm going to sway more towards your friends opinion -- that she was telling you a half-truth.
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