A
male
age
36-40,
*tawbs
writes:Girlfriend wants to end us and is really upset and mad at me.From the start we have got on like house on fire. 1 year down the line she says im a selfish, lying, twofaced person. I have stopped seeing my friends and moved into her house, it takes me 1 hour and 30 mins from hers to get to work then the same back, i do this everyday just to see her. i never really see much of my friends only on a weds at football if i go, usually id rather go home to her. ive taken her on 2 holidays and i try to treat her all the time. i have messed up at the start though. 2 days before we met i had casual sex with a woman, not nice. she found out and was not happy of course. i have changd because all i want now is a relationship with her and i dont even think about my past life of sleeping around. ui hate myself for it.i also called someon gorgeous on facebook without a thinking, even though she is not in the slightest. i realised and ended it, stopped talking. my girlfriend logged into my account and saw it, this was in the 1st 3 months together. ever since ive treated her well and we have been like a rock. now.... i was the best man for my friends wedding and she was invited. after a few months, my friend wanted us to confirm we were going so i said yes. then a week or so later she was nagging saying she doesnt know anyone and she doesnt want to go etc, so i text my friend to ask who will she be sat next to during the day as ill be busy until after the meal. she went mad because i said something. i promised id never say it again after and she came around and said she will come for me. then a few months back every day near enough she'd say i dotn want to go, im dreading it, worst day of her life and never wanted to go. which after a few weeks i got so mad i asked my friend (breaking my promise) would she be able to come to the night do instead of in the day so she cud be with me. i told him not to say anything until i ask her if that was ok. he told his wife to be and put on face book "some people dont understand how much a wedding costs", my girlfriend saw it and went off the rails, this nearly broke us up. i was so upset and gutted i broke my promise not to say anything. she ended not coming, but i had to go. i was texting her all day saying i want to be with her. shes been off with me and today she never wants to see me again. i am two-faced because i went to my best friends wedding, being nice to them on the day, although im not happy with the bride i had to put on a face. then texting her saying it was a crap wedding - to keep her happy. she hates me now and never wants to see me! i have told her that ill never upset or hurt her again and ill never do anything so bad again. she doesnt trust me now and all i want to do is be with her. nothing else. she is my life! she keeps tellin gme shes not interested in me anymore.what can i do to make things better?
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best friend, broke up, facebook, moved in, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2010): LOVE what that guy wrote...dont forget to get your balls back!! Nothings wrong with her...she has studies you through and through and come to the conclusion that you are a fool who will do whatever it is to please her...and she gets you to do just that every time. But what is wrong with you? You dont actually need any advice...you are such a loser, you would go crawling back to her and beg her to come back into ur life and give you a last chance. You've said that yourself. Chances are, you already have.And Ms. Hitler will manipulate you more and more into a willing slave(which you already are, btw). Good Luck Dude...you're SERIOUSLY going to need you.
And oh..if its any comfort to you, she's not going anywhere. Nobody will ever let go of a full-time maid/slave/bonded labourer...that too someone who treats her like a queen. She will come back to you, make it look like she's doing you a HUGE favour, and also....maybe you can try getting a spine if its not too difficult!
A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies  +, writes (5 September 2010):
 Don;t let a girl tell u what to do. u seem to have the NICE GUY SYNDROME. Thank God 10 times that she dumped you. She's probably doing it as a trick. FORGET HER. She's a control freak and you will be unhappy with her. She's very insecure and mean. U desevre better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010): LMAO- the male anon hit the nail on the head.
oh, ask her to give you your balls back before you go... you'll need them in the future.
hahahahahaha!
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A
female
reader, eternallyinfinite  +, writes (5 September 2010):
Oh, and by the way, I forgot to include (like when I was talking about giving her an ultimatum to change her behavior or you leave) this: I assumed that she's being dramatic and doesn't ACTUALLY want to break up with you and will ask you to take her back later
If this is not true or doesn't happen, then disregard the last part of my answer. If she DID break up with you, it's for the better. Trust me, even though you feel like crap now, you will realize (later) how crazy this woman is
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A
female
reader, eternallyinfinite +, writes (5 September 2010):
Do you feel that her behavior is normal or acceptable? Overall, does she make you happy?
Here – she made you stopped seeing your friends, she’s pissed at you because you slept with a woman BEFORE you even met her, you HATE yourself for sleeping around in the past (which has absolutely nothing to do with her, by the way, so don’t hate yourself for it), and she logged onto your facebook which violated your privacy.
Now – she’s angry at you for being the best man at your friend’s wedding? And you had to go through all that trouble for her? AND you had to lie to her that it was a crappy wedding?? Seriously ... reread what you wrote, and ask yourself: is this behaviour normal or acceptable? Think: she’s angry at you because you were NICE to your best friend and his wife (what, were you supposed to mean or something?)
You have two options. Either you break up with her, or you tell her that her behaviour is unacceptable (and I suggest you do this in the most gentle manner or else she will explode at you) and she has to change it, or else you will leave her. From what I am reading (and I don’t know her side of the story), she sounds emotionally unstable, has anger problems, and is extremely insecure (leading to controlling/jealousy problems). The chances of her changing are extremely slim, unless she REALLY loves you and wants your relationship to work. It’s up to you if you think the effort is worth it (I don’t know your situation personally so it’s hard to tell)
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A
female
reader, kirra07 +, writes (5 September 2010):
This is ridiculous. I consider myself more jealous, insecure, and controlling than I should be (and am working on changing that), but even I think this is ridiculous. An earlier post says it all. You shouldn't have to excuse the fact that you slept with other people before you met her. You shouldn't have to give everything up. You shouldn't have to be with someone that makes going to your best friend's wedding a miserable thing when it should be happy exciting day.
A partner is supposed to support you in your likes, interests, and other relationships (friends, family, etc). She obviously can't do that, so I would recommend moving on and finding someone new, and not letting this happen again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010): How can you love someone who wants to control you so much?
I personally don't think you do love her all that much; I think you are used to being with her, you don't have many other friends left so you are quite dependent on her socially, and you are so used to living your life around her that you cannot see how it would be to live a normal life any more.
In my opinion you shouldn't to anything. She sounds like a monster. Why on earth would anyone make an issue out of you being best man at your friend's wedding? Her behaviour over it sounds like classic attention seeking. She's got you wrapped round her finger because she wants to be the centre of attention ALL the time. From what got written on FB it seems clear that your friends don't like her either, although you probably knew that already.
I think, and not trying to be crude here, that you need to grow some balls and try and get some control over your life; stop living it completely around one other person. You don't even see friends any more? That is terribly sad.
This relationship is entirely unhealthy. Please get out of it and start living again.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (5 September 2010):
 Good grief man!! Has she stolen your spine?!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010): Read what you wrote!
"I have stopped seeing my friends" : She's controlling!
"i have messed up at the start though. 2 days before we met i had casual sex with a woman" : Who the FUCK is she to exert her wants on something you did BEFORE you even met!
"my girlfriend logged into my account" : She knows NO BOUNDARIES! This is a RED FLAG!
"i was the best man for my friends wedding and she was invited" : This is your BEST FRIENDS wedding, and she's breaking your balls for GOING! That is 100% WRONG, 100% selfish, and 100% enough reason to DUMP HER ASS!
"she ended not coming" : Good!
"then texting her saying it was a crap wedding - to keep her happy" : Now your lying to keep her happy... SICK
"i have told her that ill never upset or hurt her again and ill never do anything so bad again" : First, this woman is UNSTABLE and there is NO WAY you not EVER going to make her mad. Odds are, she can't go 24 hours without coming off the rail, angry at you because you put your socks on incorrectly.
"all i want to do is be with her" : You need to work on your codependency - this is a SICK "relationship"
"she keeps telling me shes not interested in me anymore." :
GOOD! Change your phone number, email address and move the hell out of her house.
oh, ask her to give you your balls back before you go... you'll need them in the future.
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A
male
reader, stawbs +, writes (5 September 2010):
stawbs is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI dont mind being here, she has told me not to drive everyday, but i chose to because i want to see her. i don tmind she has my facebook account, i messed up that once and i have nothing to hide. I love her so much its unreal, when we are good we are so good. thats what i want back, i just need to know how to bring her round and give me a last chance
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A
female
reader, girlwhosuffers +, writes (5 September 2010):
maybe you guys should give yourself some time apart. mainly you should stop calling or texting her for like a few weeks then she will probably call you. if she doesn't then you should forget about her and get on with your life. don't cheat on your next relationship or you will repeat the same story.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 September 2010):
Man you need to wake up!!
Look at what you're writing. Your girlfriend has removed you from friends, she's made your journey to work absolute hell, she's hacking into your facebook, spying on you, looking at other, and even moaned about you going to a wedding!
She's totally unstable. You think she's your life! She's not. But she is the one controlling it. Get away from her and get back to your own life. She's nuts.
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