A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:himy girlfriend and i have been together for 5 months. its the first openly gay relationship we have both been in and im the first girl she has slept with.i love this girl more than anything in this world. I have been really ill in hospital, and despite the fact she lives 3 hours away she spent every night by my side in that hospital. she is literally my soul mate.The problem i have is that we seem to be arguing more and more. its usually about the fact that we live so far apart and only see each other once a fortnight. but the other problem is that she has a really really high sex drive and i dont. If im not in the mood she immediately assumes that i dont find her attractive. she is very insecure and although i tell her all the time how beautiful she is, she still hates herself. im just not a very sexual person. Im worried that these arguments are going to destroy our relationship but she is almost impossible to talk to about it. She is so incredibly insecure about herself that when we have a discussion she just automatically starts putting herself down and i have to walk away because i cant sit there listening to her saying shes not beautiful. how can i communicate with her when she just completely loathes herself and interprets everything i say as a put down?? i would die for this girl, i love her that much and i cant keep listening to her tell me that she is fat and ugly and that i deserve better. its like she is pushing me away and i cant stand it. i love her just the way she is and i want to know how to make her see what i see when i look at her.
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in the mood, insecure, sex drive, soulmate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010): No matter how much you love each other if the gap in sex drive is big enougg it will eventually destroy your relationship
A
female
reader, dreamingbella  +, writes (12 October 2010):
 Hiya, though i'm not a les but i would want to point out what i'm thinking about your situation. If communication by talking doesn't work, why don't you try writing? Leave her a note at some surprising place where you would obviously find the note, tell her how beautiful she is. You don't need to be as much sexual to catch her but let be as much romantic as you can yo show how much you care. Some sudden surprisingly touch would affect pretty well. Suddenly hold her from behind, keep herself shutup to listen to her favourite song. The peace of silence mixed the touch would help your situation me thinks.
That's what i would do to my fella. But i hope it works on your girl as well.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, plasmoid  +, writes (12 October 2010):
What if you tried doing things sexually for her. That is, take the initiative. Having someone approach you for sex can be quite uplifting.
* Ask to take pictures of her. Emphasize her as the focal point. They don't have to be sexual, just start with something simple.
* Be flirty with her. Even a peck on the cheek.
* Try getting dressed up for her.
* Ask her to tie you up (if you're comfortable with it)
Being critical, even self-critical, is a bad sign. When that happens, make her stop immediately. Look her in the eyes and tell her she is beautiful. Tell her you love her. Tell her you love her body. Touch her. Repeat as needed. It won't work at first, but over time it will build up some confidence.
Have you spoken with your doctor about your low-sex drive? Being sick is a real mood killer and there might be some help for it.
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