A
male
age
30-35,
*ayz
writes:Hi there, Ive been with my girlfriend for four months but seeing each other for about 6 and it is an extremely strong relationship where we are already talking about a future together. The problem is, she went through my messages on facebook from before i was with her and not long before, and saw lots of messages of me messaging different girls telling them they're good looking and flirting etc.. There messages are of me being dirty with other girls and just a typical sleeze. I am completely embarrassed about being like that and since ive been with her ive done nothing of the sort and don't plan to. I came out of a 5 year long relationship before my current girlfriend and i guess i was lonely after i broke up with her and felt the need to message girls in that way, as sad as that sounds. My girlfriend has given us a chance as she knows i can make her happy but has lost all respect for me, especially due to the fact that when i started speaking to her i told her i felt strongly against "typical guys" and sleazy guys who act in that way and i guess this has showed her that i was like that too.. Im just stuck on what to do, i want this relationship to be as it was because its amazing, but this is holding us back...I'd very much appreciate your response. Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): I am going through the same thing so I dont really have the best advice. However since me and her share similar victimous stories, I will tell you how she feels and what you can do.She is not overreacting at all like someone just stated. SHe is hurt, ashamed, dissapointed and resentful. Prior to finding old messages from my boyfriend, no one can tell me nothing about my man. I trusted gim and loved and respected him. SOme of the things he will say to me like you is talk about men with no integrity that prey on weak women and swore up and down our relationship is one of a akind because it was built on trust and respect and he will never hurt me blah blah blah.But after reading those messages, I hated and resented having that kind of person has a love interest in my life. I did give him a chance and tried to move on and all I asked of him is that he stopped talking to those girls but I have found proof that they are still in the picture. Right now we are arguing more, I continue to hate im and love him off and on. I hate the situation and honestly like my boyfriend only you can help reassure her and stop these resentment by your action. My boyfriend is doing everything right but the one thing that could have helped quench all bad feelings he cant do. So we are still or might I say I am unhappy. So yes if you want to help her its throug your action.
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (14 April 2011):
 You can't change the past. What's done is done. Show her through your actions that you meant what you said. That's all you can do.
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A
male
reader, macdubh712 +, writes (14 April 2011):
Sure, perhaps you shouldn't have played up your image quite as much. HOWEVER, she really needs to chill out. What your GF has to understand is this: Those messages were from before you two were together and it sounds like since you got with her you have been treating her great. It will probably take some reassurance on your part to help her get through this...whatever she's got going on. I consider myself to be a fairly sensitive guy but this is one of those situations where I feel the girl is over-reacting. Communication and reassurance should do the trick...unless there is more to this story than what was said?
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A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (14 April 2011):
 Hmmm well i'm not sure she should have done that really because im not sure shes entitled to be honest but I guess thats a side issue. The real issue here is that she is now questioning the kind of person you are but I accept what you say about being lonely at face value. Obviously, its something you regret and that suggests to me your not a sleazy guy at all. A sleazy guy wouldn't see anything wrong in what you did and show remorse. Of course, i'm not emotionally invested in a relationship with you like your girlfriend is so its easy for me to sit here and type that. I don't therefore have the same sense of disappointment she does. I'm glad she's giving it a chance. We are, after-all, human and objectively I can see how the sincerity of your words still square with your actions although they seem to be contradictory. People do funny things when they are depressed and lonely that dont define them.So, whats the solution? I dont think there is one other than giving it time. You will have to earn her respect back over time and prove to her in your actions your not the person she fears/thinks you are and that what happened was a result of depression, nothing more sinister.
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