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How right is it to lie in order to meet your gf/bf?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 April 2011) 7 Answers - (Newest, 14 April 2011)
A age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I am 22 years old. I have just finished college and now I'm back in my hometown. During my last year there, I got into a relationship with a guy who belongs to that city but is now doing an internship near to my hometown. He plans to visit me soon. My parents are not aware of this relationship. I might have to lie to them in order to meet my boyfriend. My mother trusts me a lot. So lying to her seems very hard and I for one hate lying. My boyfriend says he is into this relationship to marry me. He says in order to meet I will have to lie. I know this is a very trivial issue but when it comes to my parents I just don't want to lie.

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A female reader, mystiquek United States +, writes (14 April 2011):

mystiquek agony auntParents want their children to be happy. I have 2 children grown and if their mate makes them happy, then I will gladly accept them. I would only disapprove if their mate was hurting them by lying, cheating, ect... Please don't lie or hide about your guy. It will only cause your parents to assume that something is wrong with him. Tell them how important he is to you, he's a good guy, makes you happy, ect. Give your parents the chance to be open minded about him. And then if they don't like him, you can explain how good he is to you. But if they see that he makes you happy, I think they will be much more open to accepting him. Good luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you TEM. Your response gives me confidence :)

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A female reader, TEM United States +, writes (14 April 2011):

TEM agony auntIf you both want to be married some day (and it can't be too far off judging by your age) your parents are going to have to meet him at some point. You risk harming your relationship with your parents if you meet him on the sly, when he is in your hometown. I can't help but think this will reflect poorly on your parent's judgment of him. Personally, I wouldn't put the inevitable off. I know you are afraid, but you will have to face this fear eventually. Why not now? You may find your parents are not as disapproving as you thought. This man loves you. Your parents will see that. Give them a chance.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you so much for your response TEM. Yes there are cultural issues involved as well. We belong to different religious backgrounds. His parents know me and approve of this relationship. He even wants to meet my parents. But its me who is scared of my parents reaction. Besides I don't want to bring up this issue until its time for me to get married. But at the same time I do want to meet him. Can I just say I'm going to meet a friend from college?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you so much for your response TEM.

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A female reader, TEM United States +, writes (14 April 2011):

TEM agony auntDo not go against your code of ethics here. This is a recipe for regret. Why is it so necessary for you to lie to see this man? I'm not sure why you can't tell your parents.

If his intentions are as pure as he says they are, he should have no problem meeting your parents. Would it be possible for him to come to your home, when your parents are there? You met him while you were both in school. Could he be introduced to your parents as your friend from school?

Perhaps there is more to this than you have written here. There may be some cultural barriers making this meeting so difficult. Don't ruin your relationship with your parents over this. Try sitting them down and talking to them about it. If you are planning to marry this man one day, they will have to meet your parents at some point, won't they?

Good luck,

TEM

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A female reader, FoxyRoxy United Kingdom +, writes (14 April 2011):

I lied to my family when I first started seeing my bf. They were hurt and confused as to why I hadnt confided in them. Why is it you dont want to tell them that you're in a relationship?

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