A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i am maried,for 7 yrs and my sex life is not good.my husband dooesnt like sex like me.never had a sex toy cant allow me to have one and same goes for masterbation.lately i have been thinking about anal sex but he refuses saying its wrong is it posible to try it on my own.my sister has a bi frieng and i think i like her ,she told me she likes me.i need help dont know what to do.
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (15 September 2010):
 If he refuses to please you or have sex with you or try anything, he has no right to tell you not to masturbate. Sexual compatibility is a huge factor in whether a relationship can work, I highly recommend you re-evaluate being in a relationship with someone you are not only not sexually compatible with, but with someone who's so controlling that he won't let you masturbate. Despite him refusing to pleasure you.
A
male
reader, nazty +, writes (15 September 2010):
Hi. I am in a simliar situation married 4 years. I want to try new things, but she doesnt. My advice what he doesnt knw wnt hurt him. Do what makes u happy
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (15 September 2010):
 Get a sex toy. Tell him to screw off if he says anything about it. I never recommend having an affair, because messing around is often irreparable, and goes against, I'm sure why you got married. I recommend getting the toy, and let him know that you are frustrated enough that it's causing friction to your marriage and may cause it at some point to come to an end. Be honest and direct. If he says no, tell him, "Okay, me and this gal are going to get naked together, have a nice day" and walk out.
Let him know that sex is not just for his pleasure. I believe it is for two people to focus on pleasing each other and not to seek self pleasure. The best pleasure takes place when both are focused on what they can do to the other person to make them feel good, and trying new things to make them feel better or make the experience more intense. That's how you reach voiceless levels of intimacy that should be reached in a marriage. I really do believe that sex is an expression of the love of one person to another, therefore, as getting a gift it's the other person that must be the focus of the act.
Why is he against toys or trying anal? Is it a religious belief, or is he just dull and not wanting to experiment? If it's just being dull, he needs to liven up. Why won't he? Is he afraid or nervous to try different things? Find out his reasons then address them. Maybe you need to be the one to take charge and coach him into what to do. It'd be like non-violent domination. At least that time, you tell him what you want done, and it's his place to do what you say, as you say you want it to be done. Add some play, and let him know that with you two being married, it really is okay to expand and try new things.
I hope this helps you.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (15 September 2010):
 What would your husband do if you got a toy? I'd suggest that before having an affair, especially with a woman. Well, unless your goal is to leave your husband, because that sounds like what you really want. If you're not sexually compatable, then you need to decide what's more important to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010): He doesn't "allow" you to have toys, explore your sexual relationship, masturbate or try anal. Hmmmm. Since when does a husband have to give you permission to touch your own body? I'd just do it. If he doesn't like it, tell him tough. He's not respecting your needs, and that is totally selfish. I would try that over getting a "friend". Bi or straight, that's cheating, and as bad as he seemst to be in this relationship, he doesn't deserve that. But ultimately, this isn't about your sexual satisfaction...it's about your relationship with your opressive husband. You need to fix that or move on.
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A
female
reader, Battista  +, writes (15 September 2010):
I seem to remember you posted recently and received a lot of good answers. From this post it seems that you have chosen to disregard them all.Despite posing your question again, I do not think you will get a lot of different answers. Your husband is selfish and controlling and in my opinion you would be best to leave this man.Why are you letting him control your sexual habits like this?Whether you masturbate or not is nothing to do with your husband. It is YOUR body. Do not let him tell you not to masturbate; there is nothing wrong with it, it is not cheating or sinful. Moreover your husband is not fulfilling your needs so you have every right to pleasure yourself. You need to see that for your yourself, however.It is not up to your husband to "allow" this, and the same goes for sex toys. It is up to YOU. You need to exert some control here and not just submit to what your husband says.If you are considering cheating on your husband then you might as well leave him. I think your husband's behaviour is terrible, but I cannot condone cheating. If this is what you are considering then I think your relationship is over and you need to be brave and finish things. Tell your husband your feelings, and tell him that unless he changes you will leave him. Cheating is not a solution to the problem.Your husband is unlikely to change, I believe, if he has these draconian views. Therefore it is up to you to change things. Either start masturbating and get some sex toys which you are PERFECTLY entitled to do whether he likes it or not, or leave him. You cannot live with this constant frustration or unhappiness. Do something about it.
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