A
female
age
41-50,
*ed591
writes:why do pretty girls seem to go through more heartbreak. It seems that no one is safe from being used and abused no matter what their appearance. I am not saying that I'm the "Queen of the Universe" but I have always been told I am very attractive. All I meet are jerks.Am I doomed to always be drawn to Jerks? All the plain Janes are married and I'm no closer to the alter than I was 10 years ago (I'm 29). I have a lot of confidence even after dealing with a*@ holes but all my confidence seems to get are more a@* holes. Its very frustrating. I just want a guy whose strong, confident, and loyal. Where is that guy at? Does he even exist? I just don't like the "accountants" and "sensitive" guys. I wish I did. I think I'm too nice and generous. I think I might start to be meaner. what do you think?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 September 2010):
 I don't think it has got much to do with looks. So beauty does not shield you against heartbreak and disappointment,- I don't see why you are surprised, that's surely no headline news.
I found interesting your comment about still being in jerk magnet mode.
Either we assume that all males are jerks, which sounds like a too wide generalization, - or we explore the possibility that you share responsibility ( responsibility! not fault ! ) in this magnet activation.
You know : first time blame on you, third time blame on me. When the same thing keeps happening over and over again, I need to start thinking what my role could be in that, and if I could do something different to change the outcome.
I don't know you and I have no details about your love problems, so my suggestions may be off the mark and not fitting to your case. These are just random examples :
you say you want a strong man ( who does not! ), but there is often a fine line between confident and cocky/overbearing, if you don't take the time to know a person, and see how he acts in social situations, etc., it's difficult to see which is which. Or : clearly you think attractiveness is a big value ( not a critique : I feel the same )so if you meet someone who is physically attractive, you are too quick to dismiss any potential red flag and to forgive character flaws in favour of a pleasant exterior. Or, like you said yourself in other words, you have trouble finding the right balance between clingy and aloof.
Or...there may be dozens of things that go wrong, we cannot know what it is, but I am sure that if you review objectively and "scientifically " the story of your relationships, you can find a common denominator, a core point when things start to take the wrong turn.
Ditch the blame mode, begin a honest, brave introspection, and I 'm sure you'll get your "aha ! " moment..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010): At 29, you should know by now that your looks mean less and less to those substantial men that you are trying to find. "jerks" seem to put an inordinate amount of value on looks, as it helps boost their own superficial egos. The problem is, when your relationship is based on looks, it is always one pretty face or hot body away from ending. And guess what? There will ALWAYS be a girl whi is prettier or sexier than you out there.
My advice to you is to take a good look at yourself. What do you have to offer, other than a pretty face. Women let me know that they find me attractive very often. However, the older I get, the less I am drawn to "pretty" girls. I will take a woman of substance, over an ex-cheer leader anytime. It's funny how sexy a complete woman can become to a man, regardless of how pretty she may look from afar. The inverse is also true, at 29, a pretty face or hot body with not much to back it up, is just not sexy at all.
So, what do you bring to the table besides that face/body? Are you interesting? Funny? Are you captivatingly intelligentent? Are you kind and compassionate? Are you sweet and loving? At your age, these things will become increasingly more important to the men you meet, unless of course you want to keep dating the vain, jerky guys out there...
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (20 September 2010):
 There's a million books out there on why women fall for jerks, might be the most useful place to start if you're looking for insight?
Best of luck :)
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A
male
reader, Confusedbro +, writes (20 September 2010):
almost all girls I know think that I am a good, nice, friendly, confident guy so maybe I can be of help.
I like pretty girls, who doesn't? but there is a trend with pretty girls that is apparent to guys like me. most "pretty girls" are mean and guys like me see that and avoid that like the plague. now I'm not saying you are mean, but maybe you should ask yourself if you are too harsh on guys who don't push themselves on you. I understand that confidence is attractive, but most nice guys are kinda shy and don't show their true colors until you prove to them that you are interested. my advice to you is to try being nice to guys in your life who don't seem confident at first glance, if you don't know anyone like this, try talking to a guy who happens to be sitting in the corner instead of a guy trying to get a piece, it may yield results that you are looking for.
There are plenty of guys who are like me in the world, especially single ones! you just have to be looking for them because they are easy to miss.
not to be too mean myself here, but DO NOT BECOME MEANER THAN YOU ALREADY ARE!!!!!!! that will only end bad, in any relationship with any kind of guy. Plus mean girls are not attractive to guys who are going to be loyal to you, I know I am loyal (to a fault sometimes) and I absolutely hate mean girls and mean people in general for that matter.
I really hope this helps, guys like me want to say this to pretty girls, but rarely are you going to get an honest answer out of one of us. just remember, don't settle for an a hole, there are too many good guys in the world for you to do so.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010): I think you are always in charge of who you are each given day. In charge of your emotions especially. To be honest, Im a nice guy that finishes last, every time...guaranteed. I took a look at myself and found that the way I treat women was not like way most women like to be treated, so I packed up my shit and moved to a place where I can treat a woman the way they ought to be treated: With respect, loyalty, honesty, and all that other standard crap you may never thought existed. Fact is, I treat women so well they run away from me...telling me Im too kind and generous and these are not top quality women, tho i try to give them what I think theyre missing and its the exact opposite. Theyre so used to being treated like crap that thats the only way they respond to a man cause thats the way theyre most familiar with being treated. Im not saying move lol. Im not saying change who you are. Perhaps re evaluate where you are and see what kind of necessary changes you can make. Like the friends you hang out with, or the places you go to meet people. Perhaps develop a new hobby and see where that can take you. For example, I DJ. That has opened an entire new network for me to engage with and it has been rather rewarding. Good luck.
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female
reader, Red591 +, writes (20 September 2010):
Red591 is verified as being by the original poster of the question glazed donut Im in forensics i'm not an idiot. I just dont see why my relationships end up like crap. I try not to chase but then I end up going overboard and being told no one can read me. I can't win.
futurearmy wife glad you understand. I'm glad you found your man. I'm still in jerk magnet mode lol
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female
reader, Red591 +, writes (20 September 2010):
Red591 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmale readerwow u could not have pegged me more wrong. there is only one rock star type i have dated. the rest are normal guys and i was not saying i'm a damn supermodel i'm just saying what i'm told. you sound very bitter even more so than me. It seems you have been dissed by pretty faces. I wish I knew what I did to get jerks. None of them are the same they just end up the same in the end. I needed advice on if I should change my "nice" demeaner not a bitch fest on how pretty girls only want testosterone fake tan whatever. That type would not attract me anyways. A strong man would fight to protect his girl not start fights. you did not interpret anything i said right at all
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010): "You are where you are because that's where you want to be" - Carlos Mencia
Real truth in that quote, especially in your situation. You keep getting "jerks" because you keep looking for "jerks."
If you're as attractive as you make yourself out to be, chances are you don't give average guys with moderate looks a second glance when you see them in public. Instead, it's likley you scope out the man-whore type guys that flock to clubs/bars juiced up on roids with fake tans, smiles, and shit for brains.
"Hot guys" in the minds of women tend to "abuse" other "hot girls" because they know they can easily just move on to the next one - little emotional attachment to someone you meet half drunk each weekend and intend to use to get laid.
"Pretty girls" go through more "heartbreak" because they develop half-assed "feelings" for the pretty face they're with at the momment while the pretty face has no reason to have real feelings in return.
In essence, hot women enable themselves to get "heartbroken".
Not to sound like an ass, but I feel no sympathy for you. Put your adult underpants on, meet real people with real values and real looks and maybe, just, maybe you might find "love."
Yours Truly,
Proverbial Average-Looking Guy
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female
reader, GlazedDonut +, writes (20 September 2010):
That's because being PRETTY is not the only thing decent guys look for, rgey also look for brains. You dont have to be meaner you jsut have to be SMARTER being pretty without brains its the prefect recipe to be used like a toy. Think about the guys you like, are you following a pattern? make a list of the important qualities in a guy... for example that he respects you, that he values you, that he is not a junkie, that he has a job,...well you know. Also try not too rush things, don't expect something serious from a guy that doesnt want anything serious, be calm, never chase guys, if a guy seriously wants something with you you will know, as I said, make yourseld a smart unique woman, not another bitchy mean blonfde from the bunch,
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female
reader, Little tiny girl +, writes (20 September 2010):
 There are a*# holes out there but there also nice and good guy who could treat a women its just hard to find the right one theres too much a*# holes n less good guys :/
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female
reader, futurearmywife +, writes (20 September 2010):
 haha. i understand where you're coming from. I've been told i'm very pretty and i can get any guy i want, and people have always said when i have had shitty boyfriends, why are you with them you can get anyone you want you don't deserve that! because i'm too nice. I finally found the guy of my dreams and we are happily engaged :) .. don't give up, but don't go out looking for a guy. give it time thats what i did. patience is a virtue. let love find you don't go looking for love. i've been through sooo many a holes its not even funny. cheaters, abusers, liars i've been through it all. try not to be so picky, if a guy treats you like a princess and isn't a jerk to you thats all that matters, you want a guy thats going to treat you like gold not like crap! good luck! hope i helped!
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