A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I'm a 25-year-old girl in Asia and I've been dating my 24-year-old European boyfriend since February. Now, we're in a long distance relationship because he has gone back to his country to finish his school and it's been two months. (Sorry, I don't want to mention the specific nationalities of us. Please, understand.)My question is about my trust for him. While he was in my country, we were doing very good and almost a perfect couple. However, one thing I was suspicious about was that he never showed me his cellphone and was very carefull about keeping me away from his laptop while he was checking his emals. He's French and he never lets anybody invade his privacy. However, last June, I caught him having lied to me and drunk beer alone with one of his female friends in our school(we went to the same school where he was an exchange student for a year). As I know, they were in the same class during the semester but not like very close friends. She has a boyfriend. But, I also found that they had texted quite often encouraging each other like I do to him. Especially, my boyfriend's textings were so friendly and sweet. Moreover, I've never heard about this girl from him except when he told me he thought this girl in his class is very pretty. That's all I know about her. At that time, I didn't care about her that much because we sometimes used to talk about who we think are pretty girls in our school. Anyway, we had a big argument at that time. I was one hundred percent sure he was interested in this girl, so he wanted to get close to her texting and asking her out for beer in the evening. It literally drove me cray... But, what was driving me more crazy was his attitude. At first, he got so angry with me that he didn't want to see me anymore becuase I'd snooped through his cellphone(for the first and the last time at that time).. He acted as if there was nothing wrong with his behavior because he just drank beer with his female friend and which is nothing new to him while he's in his country. And, he assured me that there was nothing special between him and her but just good friendship. Now that we're in a long distance relationship, I know very well that trust is the key element for our relationship to make things keep working. Fortunately, ever since we had an argument about this girl, he hasn't seen or talked to her anymore. I highly appreciate this but it also makes things suspicious for me because if they were just good friends like he said, why he suddenly stopped talking to her? Now he's in France and his school will start soon. I know he likes to be very friendly to 'pretty' female friends. This is also how we started our relationship.I hope and trust he will never lie to me. But, this thing in last June really annoys me with fully trusting me.. I know he loves me very much but I also know he likes pretty girls very much.. Do you think I am too insecure about our relationship?
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female
reader, Priyanka09  +, writes (20 September 2010):
 Well yes you are insecure in this relationship. But long distance relationships are difficult to trust. Specially when you did have an incident in front of you which is diffcult to be put off.
It is quite difficult to trust him, and anyone would have doubted him, but then I think you will have to take a call. You cant be in a relationship with him and keep doubting him. If you think you are not able to trust him enough, maybe its time for you to call it off. Trust is something which comes naturally to people in love. If you are not able to trust him, probably it means you are not sure of your feelings for him and vise versa. In a relationship which is meant to last long, you dont really have questions. You just know it. You dont have this suspicion in your mind, rather you have this immense confidence in one another that carries you through anything. So I would suggest you to think over it again, and decide if you really want to be in this relationship. And if the answer is yes, then remove all the doubts from your mind and trust him wholeheartedly.
A
female
reader, TheJessegibson  +, writes (20 September 2010):
i understand were your coming from i know that you want to trust that he won't cheat on you but if he doesn't want you to look at his phone or laptop then he is hiding something i know this sound mean but the same thing that i'm telling you someone had told me and it saved me a heart break and made me ready to what ever happens next but it not up to me to tell you what i think it up to you and just listen to your heart.
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A
female
reader, Red591 +, writes (20 September 2010):
 you are right to worry. Last time i checked out suspicious texts was when I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. You should not have to feel that way. No woman should. You need to get yourself a loyal guy who you don't worry about. I have not really found and decent ones but your luck will be better than mine. Most people's is. Good Luck
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