A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am extremely frustrated in my dating life! I seem to be attracting guys who are just interested in me for sex. I am not sure what it is, it could possibly just be my ethnicity. I do not dress scantily, or act flirtatiously or inappropriately. When I am dealing with people,I act professional and average friendly but not too overly anything. I am talking about guys I have met in person AND online. Guys just assume or try to have sex with me. Very rarely will a guy approach me with honorable intentions. It has been like this pretty much all my life so far. The guys I am interested in, are not interested in me, and vice versa.When I meet a guy I am attracted to (which is different types of guys, just in case you're thinkin that I'm attracted to the slutty types), I talk to them about average things, and try to get to know them, but they just seem to think that I am interested in jumping in the sack! What is going on and why??Thanks ahead of time for trying to help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2013): Well, I'm now 30, my husband 39. We met at 25 and he was 34. There were times when I met men while single who only wanted sex. I didn't give them much attention and never cared what they wanted from me because thats not what I wanted from them. I'd just laugh them off or say NO.Honestly, with my husband there was an amazing amount of chemistry when we first met. Yet still, I didn't sleep with him for 5 months - not until he said I love you. I did the same with my ex who I dated for 8 years. You have to make men work. You have to dress and be conservative. When they ask, you straight away tell them that you don't do 'that' (sleep around on the first date). If they don't stick around, they were just browsing for sex.You need to expand your circle - get involved in political organizations and other organizations that attract men. Be honest on your online website - you're looking for something serious, not sex. Say that, it doesn't hurt. Have get togethers with friends and ask everyone to bring a single friend along... you get the drift.I hope it works out for you. There are loads of guys single in their 30's looking for love. My husband just couldn't find someone he had chemistry with or who wouldn't sleep with him! He needed alittle bit of a chase to get serious about someone.
A
male
reader, ironman777  +, writes (17 February 2013):
HiGuys in their twenties want to have sex with no committments and then in their thirties are settling down and having families. In late thirties, men who are single have either been single their entire lives and perhaps just do not know how to have a serious relationship or perhaps are divorced and just looking for some fun....I was a genuine guy, separated at 37 and looking for online companionship.... I found it after three or so months with lovely lady, but had to admit the woman I dated were so easy.... I ended up having sex with them all - its as if they believe that by having sex you get together with someone when as everyone knows, by being interesting as a person and building a mutual attraction first before sex is a good way to start a relationship.Good luck in finding someone nice!!
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A
female
reader, MenLoveMe +, writes (17 February 2013):
 My heart goes out to you. I feel I know your pain! I have similar experiences with men and it is very discouraging because it may seem you only encounter animals and wonder where the human beings are! LOL My suggestion would be to try finding a new circle of people to meet by perhaps volunteering for an important cause where people have more on their minds than sex. Perhaps joining groups and group dating with people who are actually passionate about a worthy task that does not leave a lot of room for idleness and flirting will help you find a man of substance. I intend to do the same thing and have already joined a few groups (just haven't had time to attend any group outings or meetings yet). Hope this gives you some ideas. If things turn around, please let me know how you did it!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (17 February 2013):
Another issue you may have is if you have a full figure. I've dated a number of girls from all ethnicities and with different body types.
The one that got the most inappropriate attention from men was the one with DD breasts. She wasn't the best looking of the bunch, but her body kind of brought out the pervert in a lot of guys.
That's not to say smaller or larger boobs don't get attention, but I think that men act a little primal around DD's.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (17 February 2013):
I'm sorry to break this to you, but guys are very interested in sex.
Why do you think your ethnicity plays a factor? I find that very interesting.
Are these guys trying to have sex with you on the first night? That usually means sex only. But if it's after a few dates, they're probably interested in more than just sex. People don't wait these days. The longest I've waited was two weeks. The average is probably 2-3 dates. That doesn't mean that I was only interested in sex, I just wanted both sex and a relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2013): This has nothing to do with age either. I date guys of all legal age groups. And as I said, this has been going on since I started dating. I doubt this is age related
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A
male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (17 February 2013):
Sex is difficult for men to get, but easy to enjoy when they get it. A woman can always get sex, but might not enjoy it when she does. That's the difference and also the problem.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 February 2013):
 I know you looked for real people, not just online too. That's why I am staying single for now. Spending money on babysitter to date and then weed out many guys is simply not economical for me. I would rather save up for my own pleasure.
I am sure this happens to a lot of people too. I won't be surprised even if you go to church to meet men there will still be men just looking for sex.
I think the reason why is because men your age who are still single, or suddenly became single have their own issues. The ones that are decent stay married. The only good ones left are the widowed ones. The divorced ones are bitter and have scars big enough that they don't want to invest in love again, but they still need sex. Their wallets will also be drained from child support payments, so they don't want to spend more money for a relationship that probably won't work out anyway. They jump for sex to hope for a woman who is so horny that she doesn't care.
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