A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Hi everyone. I'm sorry if this has come up before, but I'm faced with a bit of a crisis.Most of you on this site know me and my situation by now, but for those of you who don't; I was in a long distance relationship for two years, and this crumbled in June after she felt that her going to University would make things too difficult to cope with. It's been almost 4 months now since the split.In those 4 months, we've fought, not spoken, and very recently; started talking again. Our conversation feels so similar to what it was like while we were going out. Of course it's not luvey-duvey or anything, but we're both laughing and joking around a lot like we used to.My plan for a while now is to try and build a friendship back up, but in a short space of time, I've realized that her friendship is not what I want. I want her back, and I'll do anything to do it... Unfortunately, no matter what I do; the distance will always be there.So I'm starting to wonder; is there anyway I can proove her how much I want to be with her?I recently spoke to some friends of mine, and they all had the attitude of "If you love her, drive up there and surprise her. She'll realize what she's lost" ect. Of course, I worry that if I did something like this, I would be sacrificing our friendship.So, what do you think? For a long time now after posting questions on this site, people have told me to try and move on, but my love remains so deep I wonder if I should take ONE LAST CHANCE to bring her back to me.She's now 3 hours away from me by car. Do I put it all on the line and drive up there to surprise her?Please tell me what you think.
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long distance, move on, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Aredas  +, writes (19 October 2007):
 Hey,
after one of your updates that said that most guys would have gotten over someone after 4 months, i just want to tell ya that its not abnormal to not be over her after 4 months, ive been trying to get over a girl for almost 8 months now and still no avail... good luck with whatever you choose to do thoguh ;)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2007): You say at 1st that you want to try & get her back, then you said that you should cut all ties with her, then you said that you are going to try & make your friendship work. Is there a possibility that you could be bi-polar manic depressive? I have read a lot of your posts and I am not trying to be mean here, I just think you need some more help than a regular person can give you. I think you should get to a therapist and maybe he/she could put you on some kind of anti-depressant. It is not a good or healthy thing for you to be constanty obsessing over this. And I don't think that you driving up there to surprise her is a good idea. Has she said anything to make you feel that she misses you, or wants to see you, or regrets the split? If not, and she's just talking to you in a casual friendly way, I think you may scare her off. I don't think she expects you to jump in your car & drive 3 hours to see her, unexpectedly no less, just because you started talking again recently. But if you feel you must do this in order to get some closure & stop the "what-if's" than by all means, get your closure. We all need it.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (18 October 2007):
 Just be careful and i'm always here to chat.
Take care.xx.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (18 October 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hmmm. Well, I've decided to try harder to make our friendship work. The only way I'm going to be able to move forward though is to see no future at all with her.
I guess things are in my favour to believe that. But as much as it was a mere glimmer of hope. it was carried by a flame that will take a lot of work to extinguish.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (18 October 2007):
It most definatly is not weak, for you to cut all ties completely is a very strong thing to do, like i said you don't forget but you get past it all and babe you are so young and have so much fun to have, but that is honestly the only way to move on by cutting all ties.
Take care.xx.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (18 October 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIs now the time for me to just give up? It feels like such a weak thing to do; knowing that I've reached a point I maybe don't even have the gall to stay her friend anymore.
What do you think?
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (18 October 2007):
You are putting far too much pressure on yourself babe, she is your first love and believe me that feeling never completely fades, i was exactly your age when i met my true love and i knew then i wanted to settle down and be with him for the rest of my life, so there is nothing wrong with that at your age it's just unfortunate that sometimes it just not works out the way we want it too, so you have to in your own time pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on.
Take care.xx.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (18 October 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone, and thanks for your comments. But tonight I have really changed my prespectives.
I worry that I'm just being her friend, PURELY in the hope that one day we'll be together again. It's wrong. I'm wrong and I feel like a monster. I may never be with her ever again, and I feel like being her friend is the only way I'll know for sure.. but it's killing me. But this means that I don't contact her, and she jsut means so much to me, I don't know how I could explain to her that she must leave my life. WHAT THE HELL DO I DO!?!?
I've spoken to my parents tonight, and they've really hit it home that over the last 4 months, I have not moved forward at all. And I just don't know what to do. They say about doing new and different things, meeting new people, ect, and that I'm much too young to want to have a serious relationship.
I feel like a freak. When did it become so wrong for a 18 (approaching 19) year old to just want to fall in love with a person, and share the rest of their life with them?? There's nothing that I want to do in my life anymore that I don't want to do with somebody else.
My parents are getting very frustrated with me, and I feel like I just can't fix it. There is plenty of new things I could do with my life, but I feel like nothing compares being with her..
Please help me. Suddenly I feel that some how I'm at breaking point... You would think any idiot would be able to shake off his feelings after 4 month, well God help me, because I'm more than an idiot.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (18 October 2007):
Ask her first before you drive up there. If she says no you'll know where you stand.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (18 October 2007):
Hi babe,
You could do that, go all out visit her and tell her exactly how you feel, all that concerns me is how you will handle it (or not) if she rejects you.
Take care.xx.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007): It's seems your having a tough time because you care alot about her, which I presume she knows.
You can't really force the issue to get back with her but you are at least now communicating on a better level. My suggestion would not be to force things with her and keep doing what you are doing with the communication.
What I would however suggest to add would be a really nice BIG bunch of flowers, delivered, with a nice, not sloppy note telling her how you are happy and please that she is still in your life and you wanted to tell her with flowers.
Nothing big or deep, just "you mean a lot to me and I wanted you to know" Something like that!
Don't push it, be honest that you regret your break-up. You don't really know what she is thinking and the worst thing you could do is be pushy, needy and forceful - she will not respond to that pressure. But gentle communication is the key. Chicks always love flowers and she can just look and reflect on if your the man for her.
Good luck!
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