A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Me and a friend of mine have been speaking for a little while and we got onto the question of how fun it would be to have a friends with benefits and before we knew it we were discussing actually going through with it, but i have never done something as spontaneous as this and i dont know what to do, on one hand i want to but on the other i am nervous, what do you think i should do? i need some fun in my life.
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (7 April 2012):
 There are a number of consequences to having a friends with benefits. Yes, it can be fun, but that fun comes with a very high price (the LEAST of which is the end of the friendship if you are not aware of how to manage that kind of intimacy agreement). I wrote two articles about it, and did one radio interview, and you can check them out here:
http://www.franktalks.com/friends-with-benefits/
The negatives are real and can be overwhelming if you do not manage a friends-with-benefits properly. Think very carefully before you try something where you are not willing to pay the price...and there is always a price.
-Frank
A
male
reader, dougbcoll  +, writes (6 April 2012):
 there are better ways to have fun. you can have fun in ways that are not damaging to you latter on . friends with benefits , is one person using the other. usually it will be the girl that gets hurt. sex is a strong think to casually play around with. one person will most likely develop an emotional connection with the other. the girl usually gets hurt, besides taking a chance of getting pregnant , and STDs. you will end up looking back and having regrets you want be able to erase. don't give yourself hurts to look back on. wait on a nice guy to come into your life that you will fall in love with, and want to spend your life with. what i am saying don't play around with fire, you will get burned.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 April 2012):
 What do you think I should do I need some fun in my life…
Dancing
Movies
Picnics
Concerts
Sleeping with guys just to have fun is a lousy reason to do so at your age.
It will ruin the friendship and you will end up feeling lousy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 April 2012):
 If you want drama along with your "fun" then go for it. FWB ruin friendship and usually ends badly.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2012): What you are thinking and what he is thinking are two different things, even though you are discussing it....he will walk away from it untarnished...you on the other hand will be tarnished. Please don't do it. It will not end well, I promise.
If you have a mutual attraction to each other, then by all means explore it, but take your time doing so and let the relationship grow naturally ...your friend is a male, and I am sorry, but any male would jump at any chance to have sex with a girl, with no emotional attachment to it at all.
Please don't treat sex so casually or give your body up so easily. If you are looking for fun in your life, having this casual sex by means of this so called friends with benefits is so temporary and will ultimately leave you with some pretty serious regrets...there is no turning back or taking it back once you go down that road.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2012): Been there, done that. Am no longer friends with any of them and they all ended very messy with one or both of us really hurt.
Sex ruins friendships because it's an act of romance not friendship and romantic feelings will develop and most likely not in both of you.
OP people who do FWB don't seem to understand that sex creates an romantic emotional bond and connection that is impossible to control and I know no-one who has been able to make one work for any longer than a couple of months without extreme heartache.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2012): Hi at 16 or 17 years old thinking about a fwb I personally would not recomend it at all one of you is bound to get feelings and want more from one another it always happens I would try find a boy who will respect you and treat you nice fwbs can leave you feeling used believe me I've been there and it is not as much fun as it sounds good luck hope this helps x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2012): Fun would be sharing your time together, seeing how things work....and IF they work, forging bonds, a relationship and eventually sharing yourself intimately.
Friends with benefits is just sex with no real `benefits` to speak of.
Give it a lot of thought first. Personally, I think its a bad idea. They always start off OK but usually end with someone feeling used and hurt.
Mr Grants suggestions are good if you need some fun in your life.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (6 April 2012):
 Hon, "fun in your life" can mean a whole bunch of things, a great many of which have nothing to do with sex. And a great many things that don't have the consequences (physical and emotional) that go along with sex.
Ride a roller-coaster -- you might throw up afterward, but there's no lasting consequence.
Do your final year on a ship:
http://www.classafloat.com/
Volunteer abroad:
http://www.volunteerworkthailand.org/
But giving your 17 year-old body to someone who doesn't commit to you? Good grief, that's such an awful idea. You are worth so much more than that. Please, please respect yourself enough to say no to this idea.
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A
female
reader, Anongrace +, writes (6 April 2012):
I think that it is a horrible, horrible, horrendous idea. I don't understand why people do not understand that having sex with another human being is sharing part of yourself(and I don't just mean physically) with that human being. Trust me, you might not start out to develop feelings for your friend but 99.9% that is what will happen and more likely than not, the other person will not reciprocate these feelings, which will lead to emotional trauma. Save yourself the stress.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2012): Well first of all I just want to say that FWB can some times be up-setting & I wonder if you'd be mature enough to handle it.
Could you handle seeing your FWB with another girl?
Could you handle your FWB getting into a relationship & ending your FWB?
Are you sure you wouldn't fall for him once you slept with him?
Am only asking because when I was your age I know I couldn't handle any of the above & I'd hate for you to get hurt because you weren't prepared for all of the above!
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A
male
reader, punksavage +, writes (6 April 2012):
 Honey friends with benifits never ends well. 100% of the time somebody gets hurt. Jelousy is bout to turn its ugly head to one of you. What ever the case is it never ends well even if you make rule like no feelings involved sooner or later somebody is going to develop them whether its you or them.
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