A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My long time best friend is a male, we have been friends since we were both 4 years old, and never once have we ever felt anything between us other then just friends. We both have have ended our last relationships about 8 months ago and started hanging around even more. Last night we went out with friends and he spent the night, which he does alot, This morning while we were still asleep the phone rang and he reached over me to answer it and he half laying on me but he stopped and looke dat me and said "you are so sexy in the morning" then gently reached down and kissed me on the lips. We have never kissed before but it felt really nice and almost fairly tale wonderful. Neither one of us wanted the moment to end so we jsut laid in bed for almost to hour in each others arms. When I was in the shower he got a call for go into work and left me a note saying "Got to run, but I will be thinking about you ALL day, hope you had a good morning, all come over after work if you want."What doe sall this mean? Does he like me? or doeshe just want friends with benefits?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): I am not reading anything in what he said to indicate he wants to be 'friends with benefits'. Sounds like you two shared a sweet, heartfelt moment and that was that. I think you are over thinking this a bit. So please do not even suggest a FWB scenario.
If sex always means love and commitment to you, it's not going to work for you to engage in it as 'just friends.' If sex can be a more casual thing to you, then I think it's possible that you can get together with a friend and agree to do that and not get too emotionally tied up.
But...always a but. But, if on the off chance, he should propose a FWB scenario with you, I think in light of this long, good friendship you both have shared...I think you would be crazy to go for that. This bond of deep friendship, you share, deserves if anything, to be a mutally respectable, committed, long term romantic relationship. That is, if it's possible that it can go into the romantic realm. I think you should hold out for that instead of being someone's 'booty call'.
Relationships in which really close, lifelong friends begin having sex, can come with their own brand of awkwardness. As you know, the FWB relationship tend to have little or no emotional attachment, whatsoever.You and he share a bond, already. And if this FWB relationship were to fly, I guaruntee one of you, will fall harder than the other. Sex does drive the heart, hun and usually it's the females that do get caught up in that 'love' thing far sooner than males. And let's not forget, that these sexually physical friendships often begin to erode the meaningful emotional balance of the real friendship, which was comprised of complete openness, honesty and being just yourself. Sometimes, friends who could once talk about anything, who could tell their deepest fears and joys to each other, who could talk about their feelings for others, now have this 'wall' between them. The FWB relationship itself. Why? Because when sex comes into the relationship...he's not going to be telling you, his heartfelt, true feelings for other females, when he's 'boinking' you, for his fun and thrills. So the original bond of this friendship starts to get awkward and uncomfortable.. He will not want to hurt you, so he'll never be as completely honest with you, as he once was. You could pick up on that discomfort and awkwardness and the whole friendship could be at risk.
I am not a proponent of 'booty calls' and 'no strings sex', as you obviously can surmise. Nor have I ever been in a relationship as such. So maybe I'm not the best person to advise you. All I have stated is just my personal opinion on the risk factors involved here. It will all come down to both of your attitdues towards sex and as mentioned above, if you already deeply care for him, then why don't you try for a committed romantic relationships, where you can still be best friends, still be open and honest and wotk towards building a mutually, decent relationship where you both can love each other with respect, passion and trust. It's worth a shot, isn't it. Don't downgrade or undignify the friendship by agreeing to a FWB relationships. You could have some deep regrets, in the future.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): yes, you can ask him, of course, but my take on this is that unless he is in the habit of leaving you notes like this, he enjoyed the kiss and likes you and he said he will come over if you want, so you can talk to him and discuss!
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (4 May 2009):
 You should probably rethink how you are behaving around him. Guys really want to be the pursuers and aggressors, so if you are really interested, don't let slipping into sleeping with him become just a FWB relationship. You need to back it up and let him pursue you.
At this point, if you just slip into only sleeping with him whenever he wants, that's probably all this relationship will become. I would stop being available and see if he calls for a date. I think that most guys don't really place much value on things that come easily, they just chalk it up to luck and take it, and YOU, for granted.
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A
male
reader, Polite Fellow  +, writes (4 May 2009):
I don't like all this friends with benefits business. I'd be tempted to say he likes you because the way you descibe it there makes it sound as if you shared something special.You've been friends for along time so you must have alot in common and feel a great deal of comfort with eachother. all you can really do is ask him, don't give him the option of 'friends with benefits' if you have a serious interest in him then let him know. I think if he was just after casual sex he would have followed through the kiss and not just enjoyed the moment.I wish you luck, and hope its the real deal for you.
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