A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,I have a friend who is a little older than me, his dad works with my dad and we have become quite good friends. Recently we have been spending a lot of time together and one night when our parents went out for a meal to discuss business or whatever, me and him watched a film called blood diamond together. I was really shocked when he started being really racist toward the slaves in the film, I thought he was a really nice person but he refers to people as some awful words and it really offends me, I hate it when people for some reason think others are not equal to them for whatever reason. I just kept quiet on that evening and then he came around again last week, he told me how much he likes me and we spend the evening together just talking and when I asked him what he thought about other cultures he was so ignorant and horrible, I don't want to repeat anything he said but he was very offensive towards other people's religion and cultures and race, I tried to tell him that he couldn't say that everyone in a certain culture was something, because everyone is different, and he went into an awful rant about the terrible tragedy of 9/11 :( blaming everyone who is Muslim for it, I told him that he was wrong and he started to tease me - calling me a 'something' lover, I am really upset by how he spoke because I love all people in the world because everyone is their own person and we cannot just group people based on an incident or rumors, I really don't want to be spending anymore time with him because of his negative attitude and when he came over to my house this evening he went on about it again asking me if I still loved other people and being really offensive again, so I told him to leave and now he is sending me abusive emails and I can't tell my parents because of their business with his parents. I have blocked him and he keep coming to my house and if my dad is home he expects me to let him come in and be all friendly but I absolutely despise him for his racist views. He keeps on telling me I need to face reality but I thought I was - you can't judge people on the actions of one or a group of people from the same religion can you? Please tell me if I am wrong or right. Thank you for your help :) xx
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female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (29 October 2011):
 No it is stupid and in-humane to judge everyone on one act of a certain group, but i will be honest and in this society even though its wrong a lot of people do do it. It does not make any sense of course, for instance if a women in red scarf held up a bank does that mean everyone who wears red scarfs are bank robbers? No it works exactly the way with race.Unfortunely no matter how much we progress through the world, racsim, predujece and judgement are three things which are never going to go away. Also another thing i discovered is why are people arrested for make a remark about someones race yet someone isn't arrested for instance making a remark about someones hair colour or weight etc. Anyway i used to have a friend like yours a boy too, he was mean about everything and anything which in his eyes were considered as different, he would make pick on everyone he felt he wanted to pick on. These sort of people are shallow minded and connot apreciate diversity and life for what it truely is, they normanally end up thinking everythings perfect untill they meet someone alot harder and meaner than them. Tell your parents you have falling out with your friend you can tell them the reason but if you would pefer to keep it to yourself then go ahead, tell them you don't want him to come in and he has been being abusive to you online, block him and don't talk to him. I did the same with my friend dropped all contact and i was one of the few people who wouldn't take his s**t anymore, even though he is horrible to me in the street and when he walks past my house, i know that he misses me like hell and theres no better satisfaction than that.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 October 2011):
 The best would be if you could cut any contact with this guy , ignorance and hatred are already so widespread in society without having to invite them over in your house and serve them coffee!
But, you are in a delicate position because of your parents' business dealings. So I suggest you to explain them exactly what happened between you and the guy, and take your lead from them. I really don't think they will encourage you to be best pals with him,or to initiate hang-outs, but maybe for the time being they may need you to act civil ,polite and non-confrontational when he's around, and keep your conversation off hot topics. Which you can surely do, and which is not wrong anyway, albeit a tad passive-aggressive,- after all he is entitled to his opinions , no matter how dumb. Probably life itself will take care in time to show how dysfunctional his thinking is.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (29 October 2011):
 I think you should tell your parents. They're in a better position to guage the strength of their relationship with his parents than you are. And there is no need for you to suffer in silence. Besides, bottling this up and isolating yourself will only make you feel worse. Show them the abusive emails he's been sending you.
You might be surprised at how easily this is handled once your parents are made aware of the situation.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (29 October 2011):
 Hi,You are a very smart, sweet girl, and I hope you never change. God created all equals, no matter race, color, we are all the same, no one is better than anyone. The worst thing one can do is judge someone by their race, or color. It's just cruel, and I feel sorry for him that he feels this way. Being respectfult to people is not about being a good person, it's the right thing to do. Sorry to say this, but your friend is ignorant, immature, and have no heart. I am not sure why he feels this way, but do not hate him. I guess people have the right to their opinions, I just hope he doesn't open his mouth in a wrong place, he can get hurt... Anyways, since you mentioned your parents do business together with his parents, you need to be neutral in this situation, it's called sacrifice, because you do love, and care about your parents, and I am sure you don't want to affect them. Reality is that, there are many people like him, but I guess it's part of life. I think you should have talk with your parents, just explain what happened, how you feel, and why you are behaving his way towards him. Your parents should know, also it's not good to keep your feelings inside. I am sure they will give you good advise. Next, continue being civil with him, trust me, you don't want this kind of people as enemy, you've seeing his behavior towards you. You have to be civil for your parents, they need money to survive, to support you, and the family. I know you are a honest, sweet, caring, lovely young lady, but unfortunetly lying is part of life. You need to pretend that you like him, so you won't affect your parents business transitions with his parents. Do not ignore, or block him, just continue your friendship, just try to avoid when you can, and who knows with time, he can change, or maybe you can change him. I see you both are still very young, and I believe there's hope that one day he might come to his senses. I am sorry that you are dealing with this friend, and I know it's causing you stress, but everything will be ok. All I ask is to please, continue being this smart, sweet girl, and never change, and do not let anybody change you. Good luck/best wishes
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