A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is this what one may call trauma? Two and a half years ago, i found out my ex was cheating on me which left me so scarred, it took me a year to accept what happened. He was my first bf.Anyway, i am fully recovered now in terms of any emotion towards my ex. I am in a relationship right now with a guy who's about 10 times more wonderful than him. I am with this guy now for more than a year. lately, I just don't understand myself. I have been having dreams that he is cheating on me, i know it reflects my subconscious. But it makes me so scared now to a point that I don't want him out of my sight. I do still act like the normal me around him and i don't show my fears, but God knows how I am controlling myself from contacting him whenever he is away. I don't want him to feel smothered. We are living together by the way and so far I don't notice any odd thing so there's no basis for my fear. But to be honest, he had a history before of sleeping around when not in a relationship. He had a gf very briefly when I came into the picture and broke up with her because of me. I have told him about my dreams and my fears of him and he just laughed it off and told me I am the best girlfriend he's had. He said he loves me and is very happy with me, there's no way he is going to be like my ex. That's what he told me. He also said what he was before is the past, that I made him a better man now, a changed man.The thing is, i feel our relationship will end like my last one. Why do I think this way? How can I overcome this? I would really appreciate some insight.
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female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (29 October 2011):
 Hi,I know exactly how you feel. I also have been in a 10 year relationship, and I've just ended month ago. I know how this affected you mentally, and I understand your fear. Unfortunately, what happened really traumatized us, and I guess this fear will always be part of our lives. From what you described about your relationship, I see no reason for you to feel this way at all. Especially the answer he gave you make perfect sense, and to me he's being very honest with you. The dreams that you are having, is exactly what you described, because you've been thinking about the cheating, that's why you had those dreams, means nothing! As for your boyfriend answer, like he mentioned, that was his past. He did what he did, because he was not fully committed to the girls he was with previously, absolutely no shame, and I understand him. Honestly, he couldn't have given you a better answer. He said he's happy with you, and have no reasons to be unfaithful to you. Also, what he did, only made him a better person. What he did in the past doesn't describe his character, I think as a single man, with no commitments, he was just being himself, trying to find the right partner. I think what he did was perfectly normal single man behavior. Yes, he had a girlfriend before he met you, broke off because of you. You have to understand that there are many kinds of relationships, clearly this proves he was not serious, so it was a easy decision for him when he met you. Like I said, I guess this fear will always be with us, but do not let interfer in you happy relationship now, do not let it control you, and your life. You did the right thing, talking to him about how you feel, this is the best way to solve issues that bothers you, you should never let inside of you. He was very caring, supportive, and you are a lucky lady to have found a man that loves you, and truly deserves you. I am so glad that after what you've been through, you finally found someone, and finally found happiness. I wish you and your boyfriend a happy, loving, lasting relationship. Best wishes...Ps: also the fact that he laugh when you mentioned about your dream, another good sign that you have absolutely NOTHING to worry about...
A
female
reader, Nizbit +, writes (29 October 2011):
I think you are just being paranoid, if he is giving you no reason to suspect these feelings then you should trust him for who he is and what he says. I know it can be hard to trust again after the terrible thing that happened to you the first time. But love is blind, you never know what's going to happen, until it does. Live life to the fullest and don't let a silly suspicion get in the way of a perfectly good relationship. If you feel threatened, the question him, but for now just enjoy what you have and be greatful that out of all the people in the world you have someone that truely cares about you. :)
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