A
female
age
30-35,
*emiade
writes:I need elderly advice please. My friends father practically kicked her mother brothers and her out when she was 2. Reason? He had a new cindrella. My friend like me is 20 and never wants to marry. She says men are things she does when less busy! Her father is back now though he came back poor. And she feels no attachment to him. What can i do to change her reasoning. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2012): You cannot change her thinking about him.
HE has amends to make, and after this type of pain it takes a lifetime to make.
It may not be possible.
Getting attached to a stranger is easier, than becoming attached to someone that you know abandoned you.
His problem, his amends, his work...not yours.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2012): "Elderly" male advice:
Your friend's sperm donor is a despicable cowardly amoral narcissistic miserable wretched pathetic excuse for a carbon-based life form. He is also a total stranger to her as she is fortunate enough not to remember the actual events that made him a total stranger. Most scumbags at least have the decency to simply abandon unwanted spawn, this one put his two-year-old daughter out on the street so he could move in a 20-year-old bimbette.
Obviously he is destitute and friendless so has returned to the only place offering the remotest possibility of continued freeloading and mooching at others' expense. In sperm donor's eyes your friend's family is nothing more than his last desperate hope for a free meal, and since he is absolutely and completely devoid of conscience, he is shamelessy trying to weasel his back into their lives just so he can lick whatever free crumbs he can off the floor. An absolute bottom feeder, lowest of the lowest of the lowest form of life.
Hopefully your friend will gradually come to realize she is the bio-spawn of a highly toxic extreme mutant abberation seen only once every few hundred years, meantime she's following the only example she knows, men are simply the playthings that 20-year-old girls play like a fiddle for everything they can get out of them, and now its her time to glom on to whatever vain egotistical middle-aged still-thinks-he's-a-stud she can flatter her way into his life.
Your friend knows exactly what dear old sperm donor is up to; he was dumb enough to let a 20-year-old sucker him out of everything he had, he's dumb enough to think he can ingratiate himself back into her life. Good thing she couldn't pick him out of a crowd in a toilet stall.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 January 2012):
 Why do you want to change her reasoning ? ... The voice of blood ?...Not good enough.
She should try forgive him- for HER own benefit and peace of mind ; it's not good and no use going through life with a chip on your shoulder about what your parents did or omitted doing. But forgiving can be a private fact done within your heart, it does not need to be accompanied by exterior shows of chumminess.
Or, in time, she may decide to reconnect , slowly and gradually, and to rediscover her father... if nothing else out of curiosity, to hear his side of the story. But that's up to her and it should not be forced by third parties.
What do you expect, a stranger knocks at her door after 18 years and she is supposed to go all ga-ga over Daddy Daddy ?? She'd be stupid if she 'd do that.
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A
female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (24 January 2012):
 She needs time! The dad buggered off for 18 years!!! Why should she open the door to him in a rush? She may decide not to... its her deicision and no-one would blame her. I think that there is a time in a girls life when her dad NEEDS to be there...and if he has missed this chance...then it could be too late. She is used to not having him around!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2012): it's not your place to change her reasoning or preach at her, in fact it's kinda disrespectful since you haven't walked in her shoes so of course you don't see things the way she does.
it's really up to her, not you, how to handle her relationships. Family is who you share love and support with. Her "father" is not family in the truest sense of the word, just because they are biologically related. of course now that he's in a pickle he's trying to invoke the idea of family. I say people like him should be avoided at all costs. of course she feels zero attachment to him, what did you expect? You shouldn't try to put people together who really have no good reason to be together.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (24 January 2012):
 I don't understand why you feel your friend should feel attachment to a man who abandoned her at age two.
Why do you feel she should feel attachment to him? So he has come back poor, oops, too bad so sad but he isn't her problem and he shouldn't be yours!
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